by Kevin Kelly, posted Feb 2nd 2007 1:15AM
(S06E13) Valentine's Day comes to Smallville about two weeks before the rest of the country. Why can't these episodes come on closer to the actual date of the holiday? Okay, I'm griping too much. We've got the return of Red Kryptonite, and it's about darn time. It comes at the right time, too ... given the fact that Lois has gotten a bit itchy in her relationship with Oliver Queen, and Lana is about to go fully over to the dark side and marry Lex Luthor, not to mention have his baby. That's getting a bit too close to the whole Anakin/Padme relationship, ain't it?
The whole little Zoltar machine slash Gypsy slash matchmaker woman who just gives Lois the magical lipstick was wayyyyy to much of a plot device for me. It's like the writers were in a post-Chinese food coma and decided to just have some character waltz in and hand it over. Was it too convenient? Am I griping about the small stuff too much again? Most likely. Granted, the alternative was probably having a department of LuthorCorp working on cosmetics, and some wacky scientist decides to add meteor rocks and yadda yadda yadda. K-powered shampoo and shaving gel for the world.
Seriously, though. I pretty much forgot the rest of this show once Lois showed up in her "hot" outfit. Me-yow! Anyone else know where to score some of that Liptonite? (Thank you, I'll be trademarking that one). Did anything else happen after the showed up in that mini and extremely revealing top? Then the double-whammy with the boob tattoo, proving that the producers have no shame. After that, I woke up in a puddle of my own drool and it was 2 AM. Thankfully, we have the wonderful technological advances of DVR.
They also decided to go a bit nuts on this episode, showing us yet another room of the Luthor mansion. A super-secret baby room that Lana had no idea about. So of course, it won't be hard for Lex to conceal an entire team of supervillains from her. What happened to the Lana that we'd come to love and admire? The tough girl who found out things on her own, knew some karate, and was possessed by a spirit from the past? Where'd she go? Wherever you are, Lana, we miss you. Drop us a line sometime so we can write.
Okay, that scene where Clark confronts everyone at the Lex/Lana engagement party? That's where Smallville needs to be every episode. Couldn't you just feel the anger and emotion seething in the room? Damn skippy! Clark dishes it out to Lex, Lana, Chloe, and even Mom in spades. Where are Lionel and Oliver during all this? Maybe they need some Red K on this show more often, because it's a hell of a lot more exciting when they do. Powerful scene, but then the anti-love spell Kryptonite spray killing the Red K lipstick was slightly cheeseball, but I'm a forgiving kinda guy.
What a whirlwind episode. Clark making out with Lois, Clark spilling his guts at the party, Clark kissing Lois, Lex stabbing Clark, Martha using Green K on Clark, Jimmy breaking up with Chloe. I feel like I've been through the wringer, and I blame The CW. You're on the way back up Smallville, keep climbing and we'll be happy. Also, please try and make this mystery around Lana's baby something really good, or we'll feel cheated.
Did you catch some of the titles on Lois' love mix cd for Clark. Them's some real lovin' songs goin' on there:
- Electric Hippo - Wet Water
- Bitter End - Fast
- Mojo Henry - Metro
- The Way - White Pyramid
- The Psychedelic Supermarket
- Stone City - Picadilly Light Show
- Dustin and the Gurus
- Rasta Mike's Reggae
- Portland Zoo - Menagerie
- Plus, no Whitesnake anywhere, grrr.
Quotes of the show:
- Chloe: "Don't worry Clark, your achy breaky heart will go away too one of these days." Oh ZING, Chloe. Zing.
- Clark: "Lois ... welcome to the love fest." Lois: "Yeah, and me without my uzi."
- Jimmy: (via a card to Chloe): "Thanks for my first unsucky Valentine's Day." He's really good with the words.
- Clark: (to Lois) "I'm going to make sure you spelled my name right." (on her tattoo ... then proceeds to rip her shirt open. yow.)