Dear David Koechner,

They say the only thing more romantic than love at first sight is love at third or fourth sight -- at least I think they say that, but whatever, it's true. What I'm trying to say, David Koechner, is that I've grown to admire you over the years. It's not a romantic or a sexual love, more like the love a man has for a tall frosty mug of beer, or the tasty flesh of a small calf cooked over the flaming remains of its own mother. It's a manly love I feel for you, D.K.

I'll admit I didn't quite understand you at first. When you were on Saturday Night Live I thought you were just another comedian who considered nonsensical ranting and facial contortions a viable substitute for comedy. I was wrong, David Koechner, and I should have realized that by your participation in those "Bill Brasky" sketches, which are among some of my favorite SNL sketches of all time (video clip after the jump).

So what changed my mind about you, David Koechner? I used to think it was because you shared the same initials with Donkey Kong, and that perhaps you were also into inter-species dating and throwing things at Italians, but what really made me take notice of your comedic chops was seeing you free from the confines of Saturday Night Live: finally, you could do your own thing like the free range funky chicken you are, no longer forced to dance for corn niblets in the Lorne Michaels Comedian Zoo.

You already know I'm a big fan of your new Comedy Central program, The Naked Trucker and T-Bones Show, and as long as Adam McKay and Will Ferrell keep making movies, I hope they keep putting you in them. Also, your solo stage work at the UCB Theater and elsewhere contains some of the most hysterical and mind-boggling rants I've ever seen. You're a funny and dangerous man, David Koechner, and I hope to have you on my side when the Rapture comes, our guns blazing as we shove children and old women into the path of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and kick down the gates of Heaven to take our rightful place in God's gigantic beard like two naked infants swaddled in silk.

Popcorn,

Adam