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July 25, 2014

Learn about cans for some reason

by Adam Finley, posted Feb 24th 2007 8:03AM

canIn all of human history, no object is as revered as the mighty can: holder of both liquid and solids, aluminum liner of truck floors in most Southern states, and able to double as a phone or a bong whenever the situation calls for it. Where would we be without the can? I'll tell you where: at the store trying to mop loose soup into our grocery bags with a sponge, crying out to whomever will listen: "why isn't there some kind of receptacle that will hold this soup?"

On March 8 at 10:00 p.m., Man-Made: The Can premieres on the National Geographic Channel. The episode promises to delve into the history and making of the cylindrical items, and also promises not to be boring, even though it's a show about how cans are made. In all of recorded history, the phrase "hey, wanna know all there is to know about cans?" has never been met with an affirmative response. At least not that I know of.

Nevertheless, the press release reads that cans are amazing marvels of technology and "even an object of desire." I laughed at first but then I remembered this conversation I had with a can of sliced peaches the other night:

Can: Hey, you.

Adam: Hello, talking can of peaches.

Can: In heavy syrup. Ah yeah.

Adam: What's that smell? Are you wearing cologne?

Can: I just got back from the fridge. You know that container of potato salad? I totally had sex with it.

Adam: Who hasn't?

Can: What?

Adam: Nothing. Is that a pepperoni slice on your side?

Can: Hell yeah. I'm like totally doin' the potato salad, and this slice of pizza is like, "I want me some of that hot action," so it joins in and suddenly we're having a three way. It ain't east being an object of desire, but that's the cross I bear.

Adam: Cross-eyed bear?

Can: No, "cross I bear."

Adam: I thought maybe the "cross-eyed bear" was a new sexual position.

Can: If I haven't done it, then it doesn't exist.

Adam: Does it bother you that I'll be eating your insides soon?

Can: Does it bother you I've made sweet love to all the other food items in your house?

Adam: A little.

Can: I guess we're even, then. Just make sure you consume my insides soon, I think the applesauce is threatening a paternity suit.

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Melissa

You are such a liar, Adam. You don't own fruit, and the only thing in your fridge is a talking jar of mustard.

February 25 2007 at 1:25 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
erroneous_nick

Count me among the legion of nerds who'll watch and find great interest in the humble can.

BTW Tess, we're huge James Burke fans in this house, too. My wife and I once had the pleasure of attending a presentation he gave at a local university many years ago, and to top it off it was free of charge! I would've gladly paid ten times that much.

February 24 2007 at 11:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
jade

me thinks someone has watched Wet Hot American Summer one too many times

February 24 2007 at 7:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
David

The can is a very important piece of history for the world. It's easy to get food to troops now during war. Plus now food is cheaper and everything because of the can.

Don't diss the can. :p

If you want to make fun of things The History Channel had a show about failed inventions. It had a nuke launcher that would kill the people who launched it and a sticky garnade so sticky that it would stick to the hands of the soldiers.

February 24 2007 at 3:36 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Tess Capra

There's an episode of James Burke's *Connections* called "Eat, Drink, and Be Merry" that links the Napoleonic Wars to space exploration largely through the invention of canned food. So it's more interesting than you might think ... if you're a nerd like me, anyway.

February 24 2007 at 12:05 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Adam Finley

A hookah and basic cable, actually.

February 24 2007 at 11:57 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Whoosh

I'll take extremely fluffy for 500.00 alex

Answer: An article about a t.v.show about the history of the can.

What is a writer with a joint and a satellite dish?

February 24 2007 at 9:24 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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