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July 1, 2015

The Five: New commercials I can't stand

by Bob Sassone, posted Feb 26th 2007 3:23PM

Danica PatrickIt's really great to watch TV all day and night for a living. But then again, it's not that great to watch TV all day and night, because there's a lot of crap you have to put up with to get to the good stuff. Take commercials. Now, I actually like commercials, the good ones, but there are so many bad ones that...ugh. Here are five new-ish ones that have been driving me batty.

1. That Honda commercial with Danica Patrick: She's on her way to meet someone and is running late, so she drives fast and is pulled over by a state trooper. She says to herself "it's showtime" and decides to undo her shirt a little and make sure her makeup is OK, to show the cop her breasts and flirt so she won't get a ticket. Congratulations, Danica. All the progress you made by being a female race car driver was just set back five years. A true role model for all the little girls out there.

2. Office Depot ad with the hand in a box: Not to be confused with the Dick in a Box. Looks like they're trying to get a hip, iconic item to use in ads like Staples' Easy Button. But it's just annoying and creepy.

3. Any car ad that doesn't say anything about what the car can actually do. Your cars can fly and skate on the edges of skyscrapers? Excellent! I'll take two.

4. That toilet paper ad with the bears. The one where the father bear shows his kid bear that he only has to use one sheet not two for his "business." Ugh. I don't want to think about anyone defecating and how much the toilet paper can, um, hold, not even if it's cute cartoon bears. You never thought about that stuff watching Mr. Whipple.

5. ER promos. We've talked about the lame promos the network thrust upon us (like the ones for ER and Lost), but I'd like to talk about the ad for last week's ER. It showed a family being brought in to the hospital after being rescued from their car, and the announcer said something ominous in that deep voice, I think it was "the blizzard is coming," and then it said "but something's not right," hinting that the boy in the family was forgotten and still trapped in the car.

First of all, they made it sound like this was going to be one of those ER "event" episodes, like the one where there was a plane crash or the one with the massive car pile up or one of the other 27 blizzard shows they've done, but the storm was really an afterthought. Two, it was no surprise the kid was trapped. The little girl asked where her brother was and the answer was, "oh, they're looking for him now." There was no "oh my God you mean you have a brother that we forgot?!" that the promo implied. I wonder if NBC really thinks that ER viewers will or will not watch the show based on some preview.

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