The Five: Ways to make Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? watchable
I don't think I need to go over everything that's wrong with this show, but as I'm watching it I started to come up with ideas that could make this one kick ass game show and make it feel a lot more like school when I was a kid.
1) If the contestant fails the game, he/she has to sit in the corner of the "classroom". For three episodes. Throw in a dunce cap for good measure.
2) They've got lifelines: Save, Copy and Peek. They need one more: Bully. Allow the player to beat the shit out of his classmate. The player automatically wins the round and gets $2.25 of the kid's lunch money.
3) Randomly replace Foxworthy with a 102 year-old lady substitute who makes the kids do busy work while she does a crossword. Whatever the player doesn't get finished becomes homework which they have to do before 6:40 AM the next day (contestants can win bonus points for making the substitute quit and/or cry before the show's over).
4) New categories: Gym and Lunch. In Gym, players will get questions like the best way to avoid getting hit in the nads with a dodgeball (the answer is "don't play"). Players will tremble in fear at the fifth grade lunch questions, having to know what day is pizza day (the answer is "Friday") and how many hairs are on the average lunch lady mole (the answer is "fifteen").
5) For every minute the player contemplates a question, the students in the class will shoot spit balls into the player's face. For every minute Jeff Foxworthy spends trying to "build up suspense" he gets a sharp paper airplane in the eye.
Oh, and for you readers coming to TV Squad trying to find out how to get you or your kid on this game show, do I really need to tell you we're not associated with this show in any way? If so, go sit in the corner. For three days.