America's Next Top Model: The Girl Who Cries All the Time
(S08E04) Looking at the title of this week's show I was 100% positive the girl who cried all the time was going to be Renee.
Although she's my controversial pick to win the entire competition, I couldn't agree more with some of the comments in my previous posts that called Renee "a whiny, bitchtastic pain in the butt who thinks she's tough, but in reality, cries too much and needs therapy." I'm paraphrasing.
Instead, the title was in reference to Brittany, which came as a bit of a surprise to me since she's been pretty nondescript until this episode.
In my opinion, Brittany had a pretty decent reason to be crying and complaining. Being a guy, I can't claim to know the distress that accompanies having fake hair stitched into your scalp, but it sounds about as appealing as being beaten repeatedly in my nether regions with a meat tenderizer, which is the exact opposite of awesome.
At the same time, Jael had to sit through a similar hell for eight hours -- only to be told it was making her less attractive and it needed to be removed. Then, Tyra and company chopped the rest of her hair off. Then Jael discovered one of her closest friends had died from a drug overdose.
Then, Jael went outside and was struck by a bolt of lightning, despite the fact that there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Okay, I made the last part up, but as bad as Jael's luck was this episode, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if it actually happened.
That sequence of events could go down in the pantheon of reality TV moments as "The Most Crap a Contestant on a Reality Show has had to Endure without Dying." If anyone deserved to be crying this episode, it was Jael, yet she handled everything with great decorum and professionalism. I was ultimately pretty impressed by her character, and she's raised a few spots in my book.
Which means Renee must drop a few spots in my book. Did you notice when Sara said that one of the contestants looked like Kate Moss, Renee rudely said, "No she doesn't! Do you even know who Kate Moss is?" Did you notice the disgusted look on Renee's face when Tyra complimented Brittany's ice cream photo? Her eyes rolled back so far it looked like she needed an exorcism.
Did you notice when Renee hypocritically complained about Brittany making "excuse after excuse after excuse." Did you notice that in the previews for next week's episodes Renee is sitting on a couch wailing like a newborn? Did you notice that I picked Renee to win this thing? Did you notice that I'm a moron?
The "plus sized" models kind of surprised me this episode. Initially, they seemed pretty cordial. My impression of them changed once Whitney confronted Brittany about crying all the time, and Diana kept talking trash about Brittany with Renee. I wonder how much longer we have to go before everyone starts hating everyone for everything indiscriminately. I say three episodes.
Back to Jael for a moment. As I mentioned above, I'm really starting to like her. That doesn't change the fact that when she talks it sounds like she just stuffed 27 pieces of Juicy Fruit in her mouth . Does anyone have any objections to me giving Tyra a call requesting that they put subtitles up every time Jael speaks? I really think this will make life easier for all of us.
I haven't really mentioned the makeup challenge because it was a bit on the dull side with the exception of Natasha's lipstick. However, I have to admit I got a little giddy when I realized this week's photo shoot involved ice cream, candy, and nudity.
Best photos of the week awards go to Brittany, Sara (nice eyes), Jaslene, and Jael.
Worst photo of the week goes to Diana who looked a little "frumpy" for lack of a better word. I truly think she should have gone home instead of Cassandra, but Cassandra would have ended up leaving next week anyways, so at least Diana has a chance to redeem herself.
Until next week, if any readers are brave enough to commit to a pick, let it be known at the end of your comment.
Once again: Heather's pick is Jaslene. My pick is Linda Blair.