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July 30, 2014

America's Next Top Model: The Girl Who Cries All the Time

by JJ Hawkins, posted Mar 15th 2007 12:40PM

tyra banks(S08E04) Looking at the title of this week's show I was 100% positive the girl who cried all the time was going to be Renee.

Although she's my controversial pick to win the entire competition, I couldn't agree more with some of the comments in my previous posts that called Renee "a whiny, bitchtastic pain in the butt who thinks she's tough, but in reality, cries too much and needs therapy." I'm paraphrasing.

Instead, the title was in reference to Brittany, which came as a bit of a surprise to me since she's been pretty nondescript until this episode.

In my opinion, Brittany had a pretty decent reason to be crying and complaining. Being a guy, I can't claim to know the distress that accompanies having fake hair stitched into your scalp, but it sounds about as appealing as being beaten repeatedly in my nether regions with a meat tenderizer, which is the exact opposite of awesome.

At the same time, Jael had to sit through a similar hell for eight hours -- only to be told it was making her less attractive and it needed to be removed. Then, Tyra and company chopped the rest of her hair off. Then Jael discovered one of her closest friends had died from a drug overdose.

Then, Jael went outside and was struck by a bolt of lightning, despite the fact that there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Okay, I made the last part up, but as bad as Jael's luck was this episode, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if it actually happened.

That sequence of events could go down in the pantheon of reality TV moments as "The Most Crap a Contestant on a Reality Show has had to Endure without Dying." If anyone deserved to be crying this episode, it was Jael, yet she handled everything with great decorum and professionalism. I was ultimately pretty impressed by her character, and she's raised a few spots in my book.

Which means Renee must drop a few spots in my book. Did you notice when Sara said that one of the contestants looked like Kate Moss, Renee rudely said, "No she doesn't! Do you even know who Kate Moss is?" Did you notice the disgusted look on Renee's face when Tyra complimented Brittany's ice cream photo? Her eyes rolled back so far it looked like she needed an exorcism.

Did you notice when Renee hypocritically complained about Brittany making "excuse after excuse after excuse." Did you notice that in the previews for next week's episodes Renee is sitting on a couch wailing like a newborn? Did you notice that I picked Renee to win this thing? Did you notice that I'm a moron?

The "plus sized" models kind of surprised me this episode. Initially, they seemed pretty cordial. My impression of them changed once Whitney confronted Brittany about crying all the time, and Diana kept talking trash about Brittany with Renee. I wonder how much longer we have to go before everyone starts hating everyone for everything indiscriminately. I say three episodes.

Back to Jael for a moment. As I mentioned above, I'm really starting to like her. That doesn't change the fact that when she talks it sounds like she just stuffed 27 pieces of Juicy Fruit in her mouth . Does anyone have any objections to me giving Tyra a call requesting that they put subtitles up every time Jael speaks? I really think this will make life easier for all of us.

I haven't really mentioned the makeup challenge because it was a bit on the dull side with the exception of Natasha's lipstick. However, I have to admit I got a little giddy when I realized this week's photo shoot involved ice cream, candy, and nudity.

Best photos of the week awards go to Brittany, Sara (nice eyes), Jaslene, and Jael.

Worst photo of the week goes to Diana who looked a little "frumpy" for lack of a better word. I truly think she should have gone home instead of Cassandra, but Cassandra would have ended up leaving next week anyways, so at least Diana has a chance to redeem herself.

Until next week, if any readers are brave enough to commit to a pick, let it be known at the end of your comment.

Once again: Heather's pick is Jaslene. My pick is Linda Blair.

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LazyDaisy

OMG Enough already with Jael's constant whiney garbled speech!!! I was just glad they put up captions whenever she speaks cuz I can barely make out what she's saying. And they thought cycle one's Adrienne Curry garbled her words!!!The girl NEEDS to be told to enunciate!!! As far ar winning goes, I think not for Jael.
Joselyn reminded me of a young Janice Dickensen (circa 1980) last cycle when she didn't make the final cut. She is wild & crazy just like J.D. STILL is. Just totally off the wall. I don't think she will win either. As far as Renee goes, she is cut throat as anybody I have ever seen. I think Brittany will probably win. Her pics are consistantly good. But who knows...it is still early.

March 22 2007 at 11:41 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Nurse Ratchet

Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! God, Renee is such a bitch!!! I don't think she even photographs that great, either.

Jael will surprise us all, Detroit accent and all....

It would be cool if it were Jael and Jaslene inthe final two...WTF would they be saying?? Make as much sense as Ty-Ty"s gibberish.....

March 17 2007 at 7:06 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
VSJ

As someone from Hawaii, I'm ashamed that Renee is representing us...I know, I originally said that Jaslene reminds me of John Leguizamo in To Wong Foo/ Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar, but I am actually beginning to appreciating Jaslene - who could not take a bad photo even if she tried. As for the plus-sized models (As I had previously predicted there would be more on the show, after Tyra's bathing suit debacle) they really need to step it up and compete - they are both just average.

March 15 2007 at 9:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
JJ Hawkins

Agree with the "bitch edit" comment whitemughal, but next weeks episode is called "The Girl Who Changes Her Attitude". This has to be referring to Renee or Sara. Maybe Renee has a much needed attitude adjustment.

March 15 2007 at 5:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
whitemughal

I can't imagine Renee winning, and here is why: she's getting the Giant Bitch edit (which may or may not be accurate) which, if it continues throughout the cycle, would make her very unpopular with viewers. Cover Girl won't ok that.

March 15 2007 at 4:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Kira Richardson

I wanted to like Renee in the first 10 seconds of episode one, but quickly realized that her and the photographer are about as bitchy and conceited (only really they are insecure) as I could take. I like Brittany until she began the whining (I hate whining, especially by reality show contestants who know of which they are signing up for). I didn't want to like Jael and Jaslene and the Russian, but have come to like each of them more and more. Although the first two could actually take speach lessons from the Russian girl, so that is saying something. I also had to laugh at that Russian girl's (have you noticed I cannot remember her name)disco outfit at judging. That poor girl has obviously watched a lot of 80's television while she was in Russia.

March 15 2007 at 2:40 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
RSL

I could see Satan, er... Renee winning though I want her to lose just as much as I wanted Melrose to lose. Actually a little more. I'd _love_ Jaslene to win. Girlfriend is a stick but it's a spectacularly gorgeous stick. I'm not sure she can though. Dittoes for Jael and Brittany, who are striking models but might not come through to the end. Please god, though, not Renee.

March 15 2007 at 2:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Alan

Isn't there an episode called "The Girl Who Cries" every season? And no, I'm not kidding.

March 15 2007 at 2:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Teddy

I don't watch this show much, but I always seem to tune in for the hilarious "makeover" episode. And every time, the self-righteous divas who in charge completely scr*w over at least one of the contestants with a horribly ugly or painful hairstyle. Then if they complain, or even seem to feel bad about it, they're taken to task for not being good little troopers.

That was even more ridiculously apparent this time, when the one girl went through a painful eight-hour treatment only to be told she looked horrible, and all her hair was coming off. Whoops!

This show's message to all potential models is "We can treat you like dirt, and you'd better like it! And while we expect you to be perfectly obedient to our wishes, you'd better not lose that sunny personality, either!" Of course, that's probably the way a lot of actual models are treated, but we aren't expected to applaud it.

March 15 2007 at 2:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Emily

I like Brittany's face and she photographs fantastically, but don't think she has the guts it takes. Her hair must look better in person than on TV because the top and the bottom don't look like the same color.

Jael sounds like the crack pipe has stripped her larnyx. A whiskey voice is cool - but hers is way past that. Jaslene's nasally voice drives me nuts, too. Those two ought to prove entertaining when the speech/interview challenge shows up.

This has got to be the bitchiest, most complaining, most back stabbing bunch so early to date with the ANTM series. They do not do the show any credit.

March 15 2007 at 1:42 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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