Ever since Ben & Jerry's came out with Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream flavor ice cream, I've been on a frantic search for a pint. Even with the aid of the No Fact Zone blog's map, my quest has been fruitless... until today. Around noon, I got a panicked phone call from my friend, who told me that I needed to go to a nearby cafe as soon as possible because the dessert freezer was stocked with pints and pints of AmeriCone Dream. Of course, I picked one up as soon as possible and rushed it home. I had been waiting for this moment all my life (by "all my life", I mean "for the last few weeks") and I finally -- finally -- had a pint of the coveted ice cream. Waiting for my spoon. Waiting to turn into melty soup in my tummy.

Well, I've had a bit and, with great sadness, I am here to report that... I'm actually a little disappointed. Actually, I think this is the first time I haven't felt an overwhelming urge to polish off an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting.

Although the fudge-covered waffle cone bits and caramel swirls in creamy vanilla were fine and dandy, it didn't pack enough pizazz to be a Colbert-related item. Don't even get me started on the lack of patriotic razzmatazz. Oh, you do want me to get started? Fine, I will. I want strawberry swirls and blueberry bits in vanilla. Now that sounds like a Stephen Colbert ice cream, a dessert that America can be proud of. Throw in some apple pie chunks and freshly deep-fried bald eagle meat and it'd be super-American. But I understand that may be asking for a bit much.

Other tribute pints (as I like to call them) seem to make more sense... Vermonty Python has fudge cows, Phish Food has chocolate fish, Cherry Garcia has bits of hash. AmeriCone Dream just seems to be another flavor that Ben & Jerry's happened to be kicking around and decided to name after Colbert. I guess since the cool thing to do nowadays is to make references to Colbert in various foods and sports teams and comic books and songs, so Ben & Jerry's decided to get a piece of the action. Did Ben & Jerry's really want to celebrate everyone's favorite faux right-winger or just hop on the Colbert bandwagon? I'm starting to feel like it's the latter, now that I've actually tasted the dessert. Only the packaging is Colbert-esque, and that's mainly because his name and face are on the container.

As an ice cream, AmeriCone Dream is okay... As a Colbert salute, I find it to be a little weak. I think I'm going to ponder this a little more while I stuff my face with the rest of my pint. Delcious fatty milk product is delicious fatty milk product, right?