America's Next Top Model: The Girl Who Changes Her Attitude
(S08E05) I mentioned that I thought the title to this week's episode was in reference to Renee. I know, it wasn't too much of a stretch considering she is the body in the house who could most benefit from an attitude adjustment.
Turns out my premonition was right. Renee made a concentrated effort to be nicer to the girls in the house this week. Sure the drawing she lovingly gave Jael looked liked it was doodled by a mentally challenged chimpanzee with no arms, but it was a move in the right direction, and I can't fault her for that.
What I can fault her for is reverting from "the girl who changes her attitude" back to "the girl who wants to bleeping beat them all bleeping down" -- all by minute 24 of the show. Really Renee? You can go from being nice to the girls to wanting to do physical harm to them that quickly? I think a more appropriate title for this episode would have been, "The Girl Who is Bipolar."
Of course, I'm still picking her crazy ass to win.
As for Benny Ninja posing instructor, a.k.a. the "father of the house of ninja". Where do I even begin? I guess a little bit of history on voguing would be as good a place as any.
Benny told us that, "Voguing started back in the 70's in Harlem. We took it to the clubs and we had posing battles. When you add movement to posing you come up with voguing [pose]. Voguing [pose]. Voguing [pose]. Okay? Whatever position you're in...exaggerate it. Don't just stand there, let's get to it. Strike a pose there's nothing to it, Vogue."
Okay, so the last part of that was actually a Madonna lyric I threw in for good measure. I just could not stop laughing during this entire sequence. I kept pausing my TiVo and rewinding it to listen to some of the things that were coming out of Benny's mouth.
Lines like, "Each of you will get the chance to show me your catlike agility and fabulous poses while slinking through a crazy maze of lasers." Aside from Tyra, who could possibly say something this absurd with a straight face? Watch out Miss J. There's another androgynous drama-queen eager to take your spot.
This entire sequence was so completely over-the-top particularly the posing "battles" between the various girls. It kind of reminded me of the time I was eight-years-old and the animatronic characters at Chucky Cheese made me cry. This was no less traumatizing.
Once the girls started traversing the crazy maze of lasers, I kept waiting for one of them to inadvertently glance at one of the beams and burn a green hole in their retina. I think having to adorn an eye patch would be a befitting accessory for some of the girls in the competition, but unfortunately, it never happened.
On a side note, I think the laser competition was a little unfair. Some of these models are so thin, they actually fit between the atoms that made up the laser lights and never triggered the alarm...thanks for the laughter and applause people. I'll be here all season.
As for the CSI-inspired photo shoot. I thought the makeup was cool and the execution by almost all of the models, even Felicia, was pretty on spot. I was surprised to see Felicia go instead of Dionne. I've found Felicia to be a much stronger competitor up to this point in the contest.
And now a quick blurb about the remaining models:
El Diablo: She's still my favorite. I picked her at the beginning and I'm holding to it despite the fact that she is among the crappiest contestant on this show to date. I tend to like the evil ones.
Dionne: Who is this person? She's pretty but a little unmemorable to me. In fact, if she suddenly didn't appear in a show I don't think I'd even realize she was missing. Next.
Jael: Mmmpfhhhh mppfhfhfhp mffmph mphmppth fhp mmmm mph frmmpphh frmm pmpeh mmnnpnhn, heroin.
Natasha. She's growing on me. I found her a little irritating during the first few shows, but she's starting to get the hang of the challenges. The previews for next week's show have me interested in seeing the dynamic between her and her 90-year-old husband.
Diana: Despite being among the most attractive faces in the competition she still doesn't really stand out to me. I'm also having a hard time forgiving that crappy Lara Croft impersonation she did during her Pro-Gun photo shoot.
Jaslene. Reader VSJ has ruined Jaslene for me. Now when I see her all I think about is John Leguizamo in drag. I appreciate that VSJ.
Sara: She's a pixie and takes good photos, but I don't think she has what it takes to win this thing. Has anyone caught the fact that she's a photographer? If this is pointed out one more time, I'm going to throw up in the back of my mouth.
Whitney: Mad junk in the hood and the trunk. Good chance she could win this thing.
Brittany: Another contender to win it all. She takes great photographs.
Until next week, keep it "high-fashion" people.