Crystal to receive Mark Twain prize

It seems that Billy Crystal's life of rafting down the Mississippi, white-washing fences, fighting knights in Medieval times, piloting riverboats and getting lost in caves has finally garnered him the award he deserves: the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

Seriously, though, Bill Crystal is receiving the Mark Twain Prize in a ceremony to be broadcast on PBS October 11. Other folks who have received the Mark Twain Prize include Richard Pryor, Lily Tomlin, Whoopi Goldberg, Neil Simon and Steve Martin.

I suppose at this point I would list Crystal's credits, but you guys already know the highlights: he started Comic Relief, was a popular player on Saturday Night Live in the '80s, and played one of the first gay characters (Jodi Dallas) on the quirky sitcom Soap in the '70s.

I must admit, I've never been a huge fan of Crystal, but I can't deny the man has made an impression. Besides, I'll probably never win the Mark Twain Prize myself, despite the fact that, like Huck Finn, I helped a slave escape to freedom once. He insisted I was just giving him a lift to the service station because his car had a flat tire, and that slavery had actually ended well over a century ago. I told him that, like all of us, he was a slave to his car and other modern conveniences. He, in turn, told me I shouldn't smoke so much pot.

And that was the best Christmas I ever had.