Ugly Betty: A Tree Grows in Guadalajara
(S01E22) Before we get started, I need to get something out of the way.
"A boy like that. He'll kill your brother."
Who wants to live in America? Rita Moreno does! I'm just one big fag haggis experiencing her inner theater queen. We all know that there's a Betty musical episode in the works, but I think we might be in for a preview next week. The episode is called "East Side Story," guest stars Kristin Chenoweth and is timed perfectly for Justin to save the day for middle school-aged thespians everywhere. Until then, let us reflect on tonight's mystical Mexico tour.
Marc, Amanda and Tavares
Nice job of Marc to catch Amanda's pattern of dating men who hide their relationship with her. That's what friends are for, everybody. That, and pointing out that your head is too big for your neck. Easily my favorite storyline of the week. It's good to know that the fashion world will tolerate you, whether you're gay or straight, so long as you're hot.
Betty and the Fam in Mexico
It looks like the Betty season finale is going to be heavy on the telenovela quotient. Things aren't looking good for Ignacio, but at least, Betty connected with her grandmother and some mystical mumbo-jumbo that keyed her into the location of her "Buenos Dias" earrings. It's too bad we couldn't have a scene of Aunt Mirta helping Justin out with his Jerome Robbins' finger snaps. We did, however, get to see South of the Border Henry tooling around on a spiritual moped. Does Charlie really stand a chance with Betty "fighting" for Henry? Their union was practically prophesized by the indigenous spirit world of Mexico. I hope Charlie has some powerful Druids in her corner or something.
Daniel, Alexis and Jordan
What a ridiculously complicated web this family weaves. I feel kinda sorry for straight male viewers. Is the thrill of catching Rebecca Romijn kissing another woman sort of undercut by the fact that kiss was essentially heterosexual in spirit? I call on our theorist friend Judith Butler, when I ask, is your gender troubled? Confused? Not sure if you're going into the closet or coming out of it? Just remember, if you're hot, it doesn't matter.
Bradford and Wilhelmina
I know Wilhelmina is manipulating the guy, but I was touched when she fed Bradford that line about not being into Brad - finding "Bradford" sexier. It was a trip to see Alan Dale color his hair and go the tight jean route - a nice nod to the not always thrilling experience of aging. But, it looks like Wilhelmina is about to have her way. Bradford signed the divorce papers, and there may be a new mommy Meade climbing the corporate ladder.
The One-Liner Party Train
"Don't tell me you forgot we were going to rent 300 and enjoy the mildly homophobic/homoerotic content." - Marc to Amanda
"It looks like I'm yester-gay's news." - Marc to Amanda
"You're as dead on the outside as you are on the inside." - Marc to Wilhelmina
"What color was left for the bridesmaids?" - Justin on Hilda's Mexican wedding dress
"The first time I bungeed, I threw up in my hair." - Jordan
"Pret-a-Poor Taste" - Tavares
Amanda: "You told me my head was too big for my neck." Marc: "It was constructive criticism."
Marc: "Nicole Bitchy." Amanda: "Nelly Ripa."
"Let's just move here, get jobs and watch our asses grow." - Hilda stranded in rural Mexico
"I'm giving you a ticket because you are smoking indoors." - Marc to Bradford
"Straight as a crease on an old man's jeans." - Marc on Tavares
"They'll just think it's Christina stumbling around blind drunk making out with a mannequin." - Marc to Amanda in the Mode offices afterhours
"I'm going to fight for Henry." - Betty (It's not a comedic one-liner, but I'm psyched.)
Add your favorites in the comments section. I never catch them all.
And, did you catch a glimpse of next week's other guest star? It's Anglica Vale, star of Mexican telenovela La Fea Mas Bella. It's a Betty-to-Betty cross-cultural happening. The world awaits.
Wilhelmina Quip of the Week: Ok girls, tuck 'em back in. You're both big.
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