On the Lot: A Hollywood Style Pitch Meeting (season premiere)

(S01E01) I'm a reality TV junkie, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Well, almost not afraid to admit it.

If I were to compile a list of all the reality shows I've watched you'd find some real stinkers on it (*cough* Temptation Island), but I can't say I could include a single Mark Burnett produced series in the bunch.

Although On the Lot got off to slow start, I really see some potential in the show and think it's going to be another bona fide hit in the realm of Survivor and The Apprentice.

Why you ask? Because it takes all the things we like about the aforementioned shows (i.e. the competitiveness, the warring type A personalities, the bitchiness, and the everyman appeal of the contestants) and wraps it around a topic most of us have more than a passing interest in - movies.

We're all movie critics, except most of the time the only voting we get to do is with our hard earned dollars at the box office and movie store. I think it'll be an interesting change of pace to vote on these short films in an American Idol style competition.

It also helps that the stakes are very high considering the winner gets a million dollar development deal at DreamWorks.

Before getting into the show, why oh why is Chelsea Handler hosting this thing? I find her to be the antithesis of funny and put on her "comedy" show when I'm out of Tylenol PM. I'm lucky I stayed awake through the intro.

We quickly learn that 12,000 directors from 33 countries submitted films to be in this competition, and they've already narrowed it down to a more manageable 50.

My least favorite part of any reality series is the very beginning of the show when there are a buttload of people rolling around making it difficult for me to keep up with anyone. I can't wait until this group gets whittled down even further so I can actually start learning and caring about some of these personalities.

Carrie Fisher announced the five loglines the contestants would use to create their pitch for the judges (Carrie Fisher being one Brett Ratner and Garry Marshall being the other two in this episode).

Since the contestants only had 12 hours to put their pitch together, I'm pretty sure a few of them had their own personal "logline" coming out of the seat of their pants. I know I would.

The loglines were as follows:

Logline # 1
A slacker applies to the CIA as a joke and is accepted.

Logline # 2
A man is watching TV and he sees his face as someone who is wanted or missing.

Logline # 3
A mouse is abducted as a lab rat by a pharmaceutical company and has to plan his escape.

Logline # 4
A priest meets the woman of his dreams just as he is about to be ordained.

Logline # 5
A crate from a military base is delivered to a house in suburbia.

The next portion of the show reminded me a lot of the audition process in American Idol. There were some good pitches, but a majority of them were painfully awkward to watch. I felt completely embarrassed for some of these people, particularly for a guy named Mark Mclain who pitched a movie called Ratted Out.

I couldn't really make out what the hell he was talking about after he uttered the words "he turns into rat man with the size and strength of a human being but the power of a rat" because I was laughing way too loud.

I actually started out liking the pitch from Ramsey Mellette about the priest who falls in love with a girl who was possessed by the devil. Then it just got way too weird, and he lost me.

I won't even mention the guy on crack who whipped off his belt and started beating the floor like some demented sadist. If anything, reality TV always reminds me why the pharmaceutical companies that sell the crazy pills stay in business.

Eventually, I got my wish and the group was carved down to a slightly smaller number. They were paired in groups of three to write, direct, and shoot a 2 1/2 minute show in 24 hours. This is where the competition really started heating up. Every person competing on the show is a director and have their own creative vision for how scenes should be written and shot.

There was destined to be some clashes, and burly Jeff and Napoleon like Marty were the first to verbally spar when their styles conflicted.

Of course, that's about where the show ended this week.

I really think they should have busted out a 2-hour-premiere for this first night particularly because they'd have a decent lead in crowd from that travesty of an American Idol finale. (Blika, Blika, Blake is winning it all). As it stands, we have to wait until Thursday to see how the rest of this plays out.

I also think they should have played up the whole Steven Spielberg aspect to the show a lot more. After all, he is an Executive Producer. Why not mention this 20 times during the episode? He's insanely popular and it could only keep people interested in the series.

Anyhow, can't wait until we get into the meat of the competition, and I get to start commenting on some of the contestant's films.