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My seven and a half heterosexual girlcrushes (TV edition)
by Annie Wu, posted May 29th 2007 11:02AM
Back in January, Jay Black put his hetero-manliness on the line to confess his five mancrushes, and he is to be commended. Honestly, I've been kicking around a list of my own heterosexual girlcrushes for a really long time but I never got around to putting it into a The Five post because I couldn't narrow it down. So, instead of taking the psychoanalytic path and trying to figure out what this dilemma indicated about my subconscious, I ignored the issue and left my unusually long list to collect dust. Ah, but now TV Squad has grown and we can make lists as long as we want! So, I will.It still took me a long time to narrow this down to a respectable number, but I've finally succeeded... Ladies and gentlemen, this is the list of my seven and a half heterosexual girlcrushes (TV Edition).
Also, remember that this is my -- MY -- awkward list of girlcrushes. So don't get your knickers in a twist just because I haven't included your imaginary girlfriend Rachel from Friends. The "TV Edition" bit is just as important, because otherwise, I'd have to include a one Ms. Keira Knightley. Meow.
Wilhelmina Slater (Ugly Betty): I could have gone the popular route and gushed about how much I love unique Betty, but there's something about Vannessa Williams' portrayal of Wilhelmina that is deliciously evil and so much cooler. Plus, the way she almost strictly dresses in various shades of champagne is pretty hot. How old is Vanessa Williams now? 44? Amazing.
Amanda Tanen (Ugly Betty): Again, it seems wrong that I'm omitting Ugly Betty's good girl for the evil ladies, but hey, it's my girlcrush list and I can do what I want to. Not only is Amanda just straight-up super-foxy, she also does this weird eyebrow-raise every once in a while that makes everything she says sound even more important. I've been trying to master that move for the past few months and all it does is make people think I have a facial tic.
Sue White (Green Wing): Her inability -- or complete lack of desire -- to control herself is admirable... to me, anyway. I want to go to work dressed as a giant squirrel. I want speak to people like I'm a Nazi from a film. I want to openly creep out the object of my affection by leaping across desks and grabbing his beautiful mane of hair. I want to be Sue White, crazy Scottish accent and all.
Stacy London (What Not To Wear): I wish I knew how to dress half as well as Stacy does... mainly because I think it would grant me the superiority to bitch at people for not having the appropriate darts on their shirt or not pressing their linens before going out. Not that I don't do that already, but backing up my criticism with a Stacy-level of fashion know-how might curb the cries of "Hey, shut the hell up, Annie. What do you know?" Really, I just want to be able to bitch at people the way Stacy does, oh-so full of love and shiny hair. Plus, Stacy rocks that grey forelock better than anyone else.
Charlotte York (Sex and the City): Ah, the token good girl of Sex and the City. I've never been able to relate to Charlotte on the show, but I'm compelled to include her on this list because I'm constantly alarmed by how much it hurts to look at her. She's so abnormally pretty and absurdly pristine, I feel my eyes water when she's onscreen. Hey, that rhymed.
Liz Lemon (30 Rock): I hated Tina Fey when she was on Saturday Night Live... maybe even to the level of loathing. But when I started watching 30 Rock, I was pleasantly surprised by how great she was. It's not so much that I idolize Liz Lemon -- far from it -- it's more like I recognize that she's probably what I'm going to be like in ten years' time. And since I can be a bit of a narcissist, it's only natural that I'd have a bit of a girlcrush on her.
Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live): The incredibly talented and lovely Kristen Wiig is currently my favorite lady on SNL, as well as the only reason why I tell people they look like rabbits. It's strange to think that she's still the newest of the newbies, because she has brought so much to the show since 2005. Sigh. It's another sign that the world is unfair: People this pretty shouldn't be funny too.
Doctor Girlfriend (The Venture Bros.): And here's the "half" of my "seven and a half". She doesn't get a full number because, first of all, she's a cartoon and, secondly, despite that Jackie O outfit and curvy body, there's still major doubt as to whether or not she's really a "she" at all. But that smoky voice is too sweet to leave her off the list. "Do you smoke cigarettes... or do you eat 'em?"
All right. Now to get the rest of you to 'fess up. Who are your girlcrushes? And those of you guys who didn't get the chance to reveal your mancrushes in Jay's post, now is the time to do it.
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