What I'm watching this summer: JJ's list
I'm a little depressed at how effortless it was to come up with the shows for this list. How can I possibly watch this much television during the Summer?
Then I looked at the TiVo beneath my TV, the Media Center PC and Xbox 360 in the office, and the Slingbox Pro in my living room and laughed for having even asked the question.
All of this TV is feasible because I own devices that are dedicated to helping me ingest the maximum number of programs possible within a 24-hour period. I'm TV obese, and it's a wonder with all the sedentary behavior, I'm not physically obese as well.
That being said (and wholeheartedly ignored), here are 11 shows my toys will help me binge on this Summer.
1. Blue's Clues (Nick Jr.) - I have a 14-month-old daughter who is absolutely obsessed with this show. As a result, there are no less than five episodes taunting me and calling her from my TiVo at any given moment. You know what this show makes me want to do? It makes me want to "sit down in my thinking chair and think...think...think" about swallowing a razor blade.
2. So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) - There are two reasons I watch this show every year. 1) The Shane Sparks hip-hop routines that absolutely kill, and 2) the people who dance like they've been doused with lighter fluid and handed a lit sparkler during the audition process.
3. Rescue Me (FX) - At any given point throughout the year I'm watching some series on FX. Right now, it's The Riches. This summer it will be this Dennis Leary masterwork. Clever writing, interesting plots, ample profanity, and a psychotic, quasi-girlfriend who has slipped Leary's character a roofie and sexually assaulted him on two separate occasions. There's not much to dislike here.
4. The NBA Finals (ABC) - I was convinced this year's NBA finals were going to be a coma inducing snorefest between the San Antonio Spurs and the Detroit Pistons. Much to my surprise, Bron Bron brought the house down in game five and six of the Detroit series and placed Cleveland in the finals for the first time in Cavalier history. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see King James scorch Detroit with 48 points in game five - a performance some analysts rank in the top 10 playoff performances of all time. I'm not going to risk missing something like that again (I was at an Interpol concert), so I'll definitely be watching the finals this month.
5. Entourage (HBO) - I watch this show for Johnny Drama plain and simple. He has to be the funniest, most tragically flawed character on television. Next season I hope the show steers away from the boring Eric and Sloan subplot and gives us more Five Towns. In fact, I'd love to just see a full episode of Five Towns in the regularly scheduled Entourage spot. Anyone opposed to this?
6. The Real Estate Pros (TLC) - First it was called Flip this House and it was on A&E. Then it moved to TLC and was called The Real Deal. Now it's still on TLC and it's called The Real Estate Pros. Whatever you want to call it, it's the best real estate, flipping-themed show I've ever watched. No offense to Paige Davis. Lots of offense to Ty Pennington or as I like to call him, Drunk Treasure Troll.
7. Hell's Kitchen (FOX) - Gordon Ramsey is the biggest asshole on television. He's a combination of the Drill Sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, Meryl Streep's character from The Devil Wears Prada, and Emeril Lagasse (minus the annoying being Emeril Lagasse part). He verbally berates and belittles the show's want-to-be chefs on a regular basis and made a grown man cry in the season opener. If this description hasn't sold you on the show, nothing will.
8. On The Lot (FOX) - At this point, I'm watching this show solely because I'm reviewing it on a weekly basis. I really like the premise, and I really enjoy the short films. However, the production value of the actual show is piss-poor and that will probably prove to be the demise of this series. I'm really hoping things get better, but my expectations are low.
9. Big Brother (CBS) - One of my favorite reality shows will be back on the air in a few weeks. Unfortunately, it probably won't be as entertaining without the Chill Town / Janelle dichotomy from last season. I wish the producers could excercise some sort of option in Dr. Will and Janelle's Big Brother contract that forced them to compete in every season. Better yet, they need to do a season of Survivor with contestants from BB and include these two. They could even throw in some people from The Amazing Race. I'm drooling a little bit just thinking about it.
10. Survivorman and Man vs. Wild (DSC) - I'm going to be frank - Les Stroud is nowhere near as cool as Bear Grylls. For starters, "Les" is obviously a much weaker name than "Bear".
Secondly, I've seen Bear bite into the spine of a live fish, pee on a rag and wrap it around his head to keep cool in the desert, and kill a Sabre-toothed Tiger with a pine cone and sheer determination. All I've seen Les do is play the harmonica and cry about missing his family.
Regardless of who is the better outdoor's man, there is plenty of room on my DVRs for two survival shows this summer. I'll be watching them both.