Powered by i.TV
September 1, 2014

Wash your car, make love, it's all the same

by Adam Finley, posted Jul 14th 2007 11:01AM

carLook, we all want old men to have sex, no one's arguing that point, but couldn't Viagra use a different approach with its commercials?

There's one airing right now that shows an older gentleman (not ancient, but probably in his 60s) washing his car. His wife sashays past him, gives him the "I want sex now" look over her shoulder, and steps into the house.

Suddenly, the man is faced with a dilemma: does he keep washing his car, or does he go into the house and have sex with his wife? The poor guy can't make up his mind!

I understand his pain, as I also get the exact same pleasure from scrubbing a car with a sponge as I do from sex. Sometimes I'll sneak out at night with a pail and a bottle of Mr. Clean and wash all the cars in my neighborhood while people sleep in their beds, not knowing I'm in their yard, gently rubbing their car's headlights in a counter clockwise motion while humming Barry White tunes.

But not everyone feels the way I do, Viagra. Sure, there are a handful of us who have suffered broken limbs and almost died trying to hose down cars on the interstate to satisfy our odd perversion, but I think most men would pretty much drop everything if sex were offered to them. I'm just saying.

Also, what if the commercial kept going, and we actually saw the couple making love?

Man: Oh baby, this is just like washing a car.

Woman: What?

Man: You, baby. Doing you is exactly the same as washing a car. There is no discernible difference. I could be here now, or outside washing my car.

Woman: Um...

Man: Does that turn you on, sweet thing? Do you like it when I equate being intimate with you with standing outside by myself rinsing off my Volvo with a garden hose? Yeah, I know you do.

Woman: I don't think--

Man: Here, hit me in the face with these windshield wipers.

Add a Comment

*0 / 3000 Character Maximum

9 Comments

Filter by:
Jaymez

Easily one of the more retarded editorials I've ever read. Of course, the source material is rather lame, as well. I need to stop reading this site on Sundays.

July 15 2007 at 9:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Matt

When I first read the paragraph "...while humming Barry White tunes." -- I read BETTY WHITE tunes. I sat here perplexed, did Adam mean the theme from The Golden Girls or something Sue Ann Nivens would have sung while attempting to seduce Mr. Grant!?! I even thought perhaps he meant the theme to Password. It wasn't until I was reading the comments that I realized it was BARRY!

July 14 2007 at 8:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bash

Oh Adam... even if that were the case no man would tell his wife about the other girls he sees ;-)

July 14 2007 at 8:28 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
kate

I don't think he really wants to be washing his car, although it does seems like his baby. I think he needs to rinse the soap off of it. That's why he puts the sprinkler next to his car. Funny post, though.

July 14 2007 at 7:26 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
ac

Oh man LMFAO!

July 14 2007 at 3:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
A.S

Adam, you're doing nothing to inhibit my nerdcrush on you.

July 14 2007 at 2:53 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Nola

Hilarious post. I laughed out loud at this.

July 14 2007 at 2:28 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
La-Di-Dah

Ah! I can pick your sense of humor out of a line-up, A. Thanks.

Had a joke about Dolly P. but won't use it.

July 14 2007 at 1:40 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Chris

"Sometimes I'll sneak out at night with a pail and a bottle of Mr. Clean and wash all the cars in my neighborhood while people sleep in their beds, not knowing I'm in their yard, gently rubbing their car's headlights in a counter clockwise motion while humming Barry White tunes."

I think that is the single, most disturbing paragraph I've read in a long time, LOL! Thanks for that, Adam.

July 14 2007 at 12:01 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Follow Us

From Our Partners