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October 10, 2015

On The Lot: Contestant Films (Automobiles)

by JJ Hawkins, posted Aug 1st 2007 7:19PM

Angry driver in vehicle.

Throughout the season I've commented on how many of the director's films end up looking more like car commercials thanks to the heavy placement of Ford vehicles throughout their features.

This week the problem was exacerbated because everyone had to make films using "automobiles" as a loose theme. I find it a little suspect that "automobiles" was considered the theme since in previous weeks we had genres like comedy, horror, action, and romantic comedy.

It almost feels like the sponsor forced this arrangement on the producers of the show. Maybe Ford is unhappy with the way the show has been performing in the ratings. Maybe this was planned all along. Either way, the result is the same. Fox has officially pimped On The Lot out to the auto industry. I hope they're proud.

This week Andrew and Zach had the lowest vote totals and Andrew ended up getting kicked off the lot.

Jason received the highest number of votes last week and as a prize got to work with Jerry O'Connell in his short. It seems really strange to implement something like this so late in the season, but whatever.

I don't even ask questions anymore. I just blindly accept whatever they throw at me and roll with it. Next week's genre could be a combination of "Snuff Films" and "Straight to DVD Softcore." I wouldn't so much as flinch.

Tonight's guest judge was Gary Ross director of Seabiscuit, Pleasantville, and Dave.

We also gained the displeasure of having Garry Marshall's sister Penny replace him this week. I consider this a downgrade because Penny makes Garry's ramblings sound Shakespearean by comparison.

#1 - Adam - Driving Under the Influence

Synopsis: Car radio causes people to dance.

Carrie - You clearly have something going on with musicals. This is really funny and I laughed very hard.
Gary - I think it was charming and unbelievably ambitious. Really wonderful, congratulations.
Penny - It was excellent.

Kind of cute kind of random. Adam has a thing for musicals and always manages to make them work considering the amount of time he's forced to cram everything into. Not a bad start to the night, but not a great one.

#2 - Sam - BackSeat Driving Test

Synopsis: Son tries to teach his backseat driving mother a lesson.

Carrie - This is the best thing you've done here and the most relatable.
Gary - Thought you did a really good job and it was technically proficient. I wish you'd have developed the relationship between the mother and son a bit more.
Penny - I thought you did an excellent job. It was one of your best films.

I think Sam's forte is taking situations a normal viewing audience can identify with and conveying that on the big screen. He's got a knack for it and pulled it off again tonight. My second favorite film of the evening.

#3 - Zach - The Bonus Feature 2

Synopsis: A sequel to the mediocre film he made last week.

Carrie - Well it was really gutsy and well made. I think you are so so talented but I want you to realize how
Gary - I thought it hung together on it's own. It was cohesive and a good job of storytelling.
Penny - Good job between a girl and a boy. I think the end scene should have been better.
Nice car

Zach has been exposed. He's all effects and no story. The film looked really good, but once again it was completely underwhelming in the story department. I think it was a mistake to make a sequel to a film that didn't go over all that well to begin with. Then again, it happens all the time in Hollywood, so maybe Zach is just trying to fit in with his future peers.

#4 - Jason - The Move

Synopsis: Buddies play a prank on one another.

Carrie - I didn't completely get this. This took me off guard.
Gary - I was a little bit confused too. It's sort of a reversal of the setup. I didn't understand where the practical joke came from. The payoff needed to make sense.
Penny - I thought you directed Jerry very well, but I also didn't get this.

This is totally something my friends and I would have done in high school or college. I totally got this but the old ass judges couldn't seem to relate. I think the story needed some better build up to truly get across what was going on. Overall, it was still pretty entertaining and Jason did a good job of directing a movie star, assuming people still consider Jerry O'Connell a movie star.

#5 - Will - Road Rage 101

Synopsis: A guy stuck in traffic beats on his car, and his car decides to beat back on him.

Carrie - You are unbelievably original. It's always a pleasure to watch your films.
Gary - I liked it very much too and it was very well shot. I didn't quite feel the character of the car as much as I wanted to.
Penny - I think you're a wonderful film maker, but I think you could have done better.

I kept waiting for the airbag to go off in the final scene. It just seemed like the appropriate thing to happen particularly with the music appeared to apex during that sequence. Maybe that would have been to obvious of an ending, but it would have worked for me. That said, I actually liked this film the best. Well shot and well acted. I think this is becoming a two way race between Will and Sam with Zach coming in a distant third.

Favorite movies of the night:

Carrie - Driving Under the Influence
Gary - Driving Under the Influence
Garry - Backseat Driving Test
JJ - Road Rage 101

Next week all four movies will be inspired by the following log line suggested by a viewer: A man wakes up and finds himself in a dress but can't remember what happened the night before.

Who's going to win On the Lot?
Adam11 (16.2%)
Sam3 (4.4%)
Zach18 (26.5%)
Jason12 (17.6%)
Will24 (35.3%)

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I figure by this point I'm just committed. The show has stunk since day one. I don't mind Adriana, I wish she would stop wearing horrendous looking dresses.

The films have been extremely terrible and I'm sick and tired of the show putting Carrie "I was in Star Wars" Fisher on a pedestal... It's like "WOOOO!!! I wrote and directed one movie I rule!!!"


August 05 2007 at 9:33 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
JJ Hawkins

I just assumed you guys were still watching a bad show so you could come here and read a bad review about a bad show.

All along it it's just been Adriana.

That hurts...

August 02 2007 at 4:54 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

mmmmmmmm.......... Adriana Costa is the only reason I watch the show. In fact she should have a FOX show just about here day to day life. Exciting!

August 02 2007 at 4:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Scott Schrantz

Jerry O'Connell is a huge movie star the same way On The Lot is a big hit for Fox.

But at least he has a new show this fall, so that will give him a little exposure before it's canceled.

August 02 2007 at 3:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I completely did not get Jason's film either. My husband told me I was an idiot for not getting it, and we briefly argued, so that was exciting. i have the same criticism an earlier commenter did.... OK, I can accept that they were playing a joke on a friend, but it makes NO sense in the context of the setup. I went back and watched it FOUR times and it still made no sense.

I enjoyed the weekly appearance of Chip Lowell. I think that's why I must still be watching this show...to play "where's chip?"

I was also amazed at Penny Marshall. Oh, Laverne, what happened to you? You used to be fun and quirky and I liked those Targe commercials you did with Rosie. Now you are just insane. The borderline racist analysis of Jason's movie was, um, wow. (You finally got rid of the little Asian kid who was helping you do all of your homework, but you can still call him on the phone when you need help.)

I think Adriana Costa is a moron. I cringe every single time she says "the person with the fewest number of votes is going home." The woman is gramatically-challenged. And her "interviewing" skills are even more cringe-worthy.

But I'll keep watching. I do not know why.

August 02 2007 at 2:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

This was definitely the weakest group of films so far.

Adrianna's boobs should be declared the 8th and 9th wonders of the world.

August 02 2007 at 9:50 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I've officially started watching just to see how much of Adriana Costa's boobs will be shown on national TV. Wow. Those things are better put together than....anything.

She got the job over Chelsea Handler because of those boobs and they're going to sell them like a Ford. I'm buying....not the Ford.

August 01 2007 at 10:58 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The non-problem with "The Move" is that it's an absurdist twist-ending. The movie exists to not give away the twist before the last possible moment. It's satirizing melodrama and shunning realism.

It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's just a joke told through film. And when you're given like 2 minutes, I don't have a problem with that. I enjoyed it.

And Jerry O'Connell a movie star? HAHAHA!!! And a "big star," Mike? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAA
HAHHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAHHAHHAHA HAHAHAHHAHA AAAHHAHA HA.... ha.... heh.... oh man... that's funnier than all the movies combined.

Jerry O'Connell officially has "Who?" status when you hear his name, and "Oh... that guy" status when you see his picture. Followed by having trouble naming more than one film he's been in, and trouble remembering his name the next day.

August 01 2007 at 10:03 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Do people really watch this show?

August 01 2007 at 9:43 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I thought Penny Marshall was a tad rude to Gary when he was telling his view.

August 01 2007 at 8:44 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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