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October 9, 2015

On The Lot: Series Finale (2 of 2)

by JJ Hawkins, posted Aug 22nd 2007 7:58PM
The last two contestants.

(S01E17) I'm praying that those of us still watching this show witnessed the series finale of On The Lot and not a season finale.

If this show ever gets a second season, I may be forced to boycott all future Burnett and Spielberg productions, and I really want to see the next Survivor and Jurassic Park IV. Well, maybe not so much Jurassic Park IV.

Anyhow, take all the things you disliked about this season and point the world's most powerful electron microscope at them. That's about what these last two episodes have been like.

It's been painful in every nearly respect and I'm glad to finally be put out of my misery.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure how to go about reviewing this episode. Fox probably could have condensed this show into a minute. I can probably condense this review into one word: crap.

Do I care that Will liked Under the Gun, Jason liked Catch, and Adam liked Die Hardly Working?

Frankly? No. I barely cared about the films the three finalists showed. That pretty much ensures I don't care about the films the non-finalists made six to twelve weeks ago.

I also like how Adriana casually dropped the following tidbit around 40 minutes into the episode.

"One, two, or possibly all of you probably have a fairly decent Internet following that used the world wide web to vote for you when one of your films was up. Unfortunately, Internet voting didn't work this weekend so you better pray they liked you enough to call on their phone or payed to text message a vote in for you. Sorry."


Internet voting didn't work on the most important vote night of the season?! The one where Fox/Dreamworks gives 1 Million dollars to an amateur filmmaker, effectively altering the course of their life forever? Is anyone else appalled by this revelation? How did the directors not jump out of their chairs and dropkick Adriana across the stage? I would have been livid!

Anyhow, long story short, Adriana kicked Adam off the lot and it came down to Jason and Will. Some faux tension was built with a commercial break, and Adriana and the 8th and 9th wonders of the world (I do read the comments), came out and announced that Will Bigham was the winner of On The Lot.

There was some applause, Will got into a limousine, and was carted off to see "his new boss" on the Dreamworks studio.

We finally hit paydirt. Spielberg, who I suspected earlier in the season was doing everything in his power to keep his mug off the screen as it pertained to this show, met Will Bigham with open arms and congratulated him for winning the competition.

Spielberg mentioned that Will won out of 12,000 applicants to the show, and he also mentioned that he liked Yes Men, Lucky Penny, and Glass Eye. Spielberg appreciated Will's craft, liked his comic timing, and overall, thought he was a great film maker.

Steven than said, "Welcome to our lot. Let's go in. Here's a key to your office."

The part we didn't see is where Spielberg yanked the key back, called security, and had them forcefully escort Will off of Dreamwork's property.

Spielberg could be heard yelling, "Check out my IMDB page sometime. I've got more talent in my beard than you have in your entire body. America got it wrong."

Zach then pulled up in a second limousine, Spielberg handed him the key to the office, and nudged him toward a treasure chest filled with gold bullion.

Okay, so nothing in the last three paragraphs really happened, but it'd have made for a much more interesting finale, wouldn't it have?

In all seriousness, congratulations to Will Bigham. Of the bunch, he was definitely the most deserving.

Thanks for suffering through the show and reviews with me all season. It's been fun.

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I'm glad you liked the "Wonders of the World" comment.

The show finished just as I thought it would. It sure was amazing how they got to the Dreamworks lost in the span of one commercial break, plus it was dark. I guess they use "suspension of disbelief" like they do on "24".

August 23 2007 at 11:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I only watched this a few times, when I happenned to catch it, but I enjoyed it alot more than most reality shows. The squarest judges on any show, but other than that, I'd rather watch short films than american idol tunes any day.

And Adrianna shouldn't cover up, I agree with that! lol!

August 23 2007 at 12:47 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Helen, with all due respect, I think the thing that would be most rewarding and make us happy is for there to never be a second season of On the Lot or any attempt at a retread. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but Will is not a visionary by making movies embedded with next to no dialogue and cliched music tracks. Some of his pieces were cute or thoughtful, but he has a long way to go to ever see the light of a full-feature length camera. I can promise you there are thousands of Wills on youtube, but some that incorporate amazing technique like strong dialogue, character development, and suspense. Just my two cents. Oh and last thing I'm wondering is are the film schools nowadays teaching the up and coming directors to play music over everything or is that just the On the Lot way?? Not every bleeping scene needs a MUSIC TRACK!! Ugh this show has finally made me nauseous *cue sympathetic music*

August 23 2007 at 10:55 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Sorry that you thought the show was boring. I enjoyed
it with the exception of Adrienna who was just plain
Anyway, I was very happy that Will was named the
winner and voted for him every week.
His movies were clever and funny and I think he has
a future in Hollywood.
He may have to start out in television but I think he
will make it as a movie director.
By the way, the show wasn't live. Remember, the voting
was last week. The show was probably taped sometime
between last Friday evening and Mon. Most likely, it
was Friday.
Anyway, congrads to Will and looking forward to seeing
your first project.
As for people thinking the show dull, I believe people
are so used to reality shows like Big Brother, Amazing
Race, Project Runway and Top Chef that they prefer
seeing shows where the contestants are ragging on each
Maybe, if they do this next year, they should change the
format to something like Project Runway and let the
judges choose who stays and who goes . They can also
show the contestants complaining about the others.
Then, through in a homeviewer contest everyweek so
someone has a chance to win money.
Maybe that would make people happy.

August 23 2007 at 6:07 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Also, the tension in the decision totally died as soon as Adam was announced as not winning. There was no way Jason was going to win (but maybe that was just me secretly hoping), so obviously it was going to be Will.

August 23 2007 at 5:51 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Anyone else notice Adrianna worst flubbed line yet? When introducing Zach's film, "Die Hardly Working", the following dialogue ensued:

ADRIANNA: Okay, Zach remind everyone about "Die Hardly Working" if you will.
ZACH: Well "Die Hardly Working" was the movie I wanted to show people that if I literally took the special effects out of the movie and all the props, [this movie was] what was left. And that's what I did, and everyone seemed to like it.
ADRIANNA: -and it was a ONE LONG SHOT. [swings her arms around her as if imitating a circular dolly shot.]
ZACH:..... :/

For those that didn't get why Zach looked confused and then gave a nervous laugh, she is thinking about Zach's other, VFX heavy film "Danger Zone". There is absolutely no excuse for making that kind of mistake. What a fucking retard.

Someone should tell her: "If it's not on the teleprompter, keep your mouth fucking shut."

August 23 2007 at 5:38 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Nice gaffe with the internet voting on the most important vote of all FOX...quality product to the bitter end. IMHO the reason it didnt get canceled is probably a couple of reasons: Fox didn't have anything better to place in the time slot, even though Prison break repeats would have garnered better ratings than this and you have to think Spielberg being a part of it made it harder to cancel it I would imagine, Dreamworks is a big studio and think of the black eye it would have caused...I think some reparations were made for FOX to keep this season going. I find it comical that it hasn't been announced yet (unless I missed that important memo) there will not be another season of this trainwreck...oh and hearing it was nominated for an emmy (I believe in the music category) is hysterical. Good riddance overhyped garbage. Will has no chance at making a feature length feature unless it doesn't involve the use of dialogue...perhaps he could make stories for animation shorts LOL. I suffered with you every step of the way JJ. Cheers mate.

August 23 2007 at 1:38 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Why was this show able to go to fruitation. This should have been pulled yet week after week it showed. I stopped watching it after the first 30 minutes and could not believe it made it to the end.

August 23 2007 at 1:22 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

What he meant is that he hopes the show never comes back. It made perfect sense to me, and I have to agree.

While the shorts on this show were lousy, they were the only thing that even made it mildly worth watching. Which means the last couple of episodes were completely worthless. Plus even Adrianna started covering up, so what was the point of watching?

If this is the best America has to offer in terms of young filmmakers, we'd better hope the current ones are resting up and taking their vitamins. (Even Brett Ratner.) You can find better short films on IFC or the Internet without even trying that hard.

In fact, I have an idea -- if Fox cares so much about young filmmaking talent, why doesn't it hire some writers and directors to produce decent dramatic TV programs, instead of pushing more crappy reality shows?

August 22 2007 at 10:04 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
JJ Hawkins

No problem. I read that thing 10 times and my mind filled in the word I skipped every time.

Fixed. Thanks.

August 22 2007 at 9:58 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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