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October 4, 2015

Adam Finley: Wash your car, make love, it's all the same

by Jen Creer, posted Sep 10th 2007 4:35PM

Today, Monday September 10, 2007, TV Squad is remembering blogger Adam Finley who passed away tragically late last week. All front page posts will be staff picks of Adam's writing through the years.

I had originally chosen a different post, but then I kept reading through Adam's archives, and I found this little gem. It combines Adam's wicked sense of humor with his penchant for inserting fake dialogues into posts . He also liked creating games out of theme songs. He was truly an original. He will be missed.

Originally published on July 14, 2007.

carLook, we all want old men to have sex, no one's arguing that point, but couldn't Viagra use a different approach with its commercials?

There's one airing right now that shows an older gentleman (not ancient, but probably in his 60s) washing his car. His wife sashays past him, gives him the "I want sex now" look over her shoulder, and steps into the house.

Suddenly, the man is faced with a dilemma: does he keep washing his car, or does he go into the house and have sex with his wife? The poor guy can't make up his mind!

I understand his pain, as I also get the exact same pleasure from scrubbing a car with a sponge as I do from sex. Sometimes I'll sneak out at night with a pail and a bottle of Mr. Clean and wash all the cars in my neighborhood while people sleep in their beds, not knowing I'm in their yard, gently rubbing their car's headlights in a counter clockwise motion while humming Barry White tunes.

But not everyone feels the way I do, Viagra. Sure, there are a handful of us who have suffered broken limbs and almost died trying to hose down cars on the interstate to satisfy our odd perversion, but I think most men would pretty much drop everything if sex were offered to them. I'm just saying.

Also, what if the commercial kept going, and we actually saw the couple making love?

Man: Oh baby, this is just like washing a car.

Woman: What?

Man: You, baby. Doing you is exactly the same as washing a car. There is no discernible difference. I could be here now, or outside washing my car.

Woman: Um...

Man: Does that turn you on, sweet thing? Do you like it when I equate being intimate with you with standing outside by myself rinsing off my Volvo with a garden hose? Yeah, I know you do.

Woman: I don't think--

Man: Here, hit me in the face with these windshield wipers.

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