Adam Finley: Reality check on Craigslist
Once again, Adam sees a story and seizes it with his quick wit and clever mind. This story is something which most folks wouldn't think to write about, but Adam did it. And he did it so well. To me, that's the mark of a great mind and a fantastic sense of humor. This set him apart from Joe TV Reviewer -- his imagination in action never failed to make me smile.
Originally published March 19, 2007
On those rare occasions when I want a used bicycle pump and/or a one-night stand with some random stranger of dubious background, I pop on over to Craigslist to see what I can scrounge up. One has to be careful when dealing with people online, and the only advice I can give is to keep track of which person you're visiting. Trust me, no one wants to walk out of their garage with a bike pump and see you standing there naked because you confused them with the person with whom you've set up a sex date. What's even worse is trying to explain to them, regardless of your mistake, why you would think having sex on their lawn in the middle of the day was a good idea.
Anyway, Craigslist isn't merely a place to satisfy my need for anonymous outdoor sex and bike accessories, it's also a place where television networks can post casting calls for upcoming series. Here's one that I found just recently:
"WE LOOKING FOR HARD
WORKERS AND THATS ABLE TO TRAVEL AT ANYTIME.
THIS REALITY SHOW IS BASED ON PEOPLE
WITH TALENTS AS SINGERS, RAPPERS, DANCERS,PRODUCERS,
VIDEO GIRLS, MODEL, ACTRESS AND ACTORS.
PLEASE CONCACT PRESTIGE AT ***
IF YOU HAVE TALENT CONTACT US
LEAVE YOUR NAME, NUMBER, PICTURE OF YOU .
WE WOULD TRAVELING TO NY,VA,TX,CA,LV,FL,DC,TN,GA,CHI AND MORE"
Like the rest of you, my first reaction was, "I hard workers! I hardest workers ever. I'm totally going to concact Prestige as soon as I figure out how to do that."
In order to sound professional when I do finally contact them to find out how to concact them, I wrote out what I'm going to say:
Hello, this is Adam Finley. I am hard workers able to travel at anytime. I wish to concact with someone, or toward someone, or perhaps have them concact me. I'm not entirely sure how concacting works. Is there any kind of physiological change I might expect upon being concacted? Is it a tangible thing, or is it just something you feel inside, like the unconditional love of your mother, or the cool wind against your face?
My second reaction was to try and figure out what exactly this reality show would involve, and if it was produced by the crocs from the comic strip Pearls Before Swine. I'm still piecing everything together, but I'll be sure to concact all of you as soon as I figure this out.
One last thing: the compensation for this gig, according to the posting, is not money, but "HAVE TALENT." I think that means those chosen for this series will be awarded with the ability to use the word "have" in a manner far greater than that of the average person:
Man: Can I have that bagel?
Man's friend: Holy crap, that was amazing!
Man: Yeah, I lucked into this job recently, got paid in HAVE TALENT.
Man's friend: Well, don't waste it all here, put some of it in savings.
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