What Brad T. is thankful for
As I get older I begin to realize the crap what is the entertainment industry and getting ready for my journey to decrepitness, old age and senility, I am fully prepared to give vicious criticism and back-handed compliments now to avoid the rush. I'm sort of like those vindictive commenters you see on Internet message boards, except I give my real name.
1. I am thankful for the increased number of commercial breaks during television shows since my childhood. It used to be that hour-long dramas were fifty minutes of actual air time with ten minutes of commercials. Now, they are forty-two minutes of air time with eighteen minutes of commercials, which are more frequently interspersed throughout the show. I like this because as I age, my bladder is getting weaker and I need more commercial breaks in order to empty that annoying organ. I don't really have to worry about missing the commercials anymore either because with product placement running rampant throughout television (The Office being the best example of this practice that I can think of), I won't feel as if I've missed any advertisements while relieving myself.
2. I am thankful of the commitment of both artists and studios to giving quality product to the consumer. And there would be no strikes whatsoever. Nope. Not a one. In the interests of money, both sides have taken the greater purpose of popular entertainment to influence the culture (hopefully in a positive way) and pissed all over it. I recognize that the majority of my colleagues side with the writers (I do as well), but I wonder how everyone will feel when the strike is still here next fall and there is nothing new on T.V. Even TV Squad will be in reruns. Mark my words: this strike will affect the United States more deeply than the war in Iraq. Which brings me to number three...
3. I am thankful for the sheer magnitude of DVDs and video downloads available to the public. I have never seen a lot of the television that many of you watch religiously. I have never seen an episode of Sex In The City or The Sopranos or Twin Peaks or The Mary Tyler Moore Show or many, many others. While this strike is going on, I have the chance to rent and watch entire series end-to-end and see what the big hubbub was about. I can see the writers' work back when they were actually happy to have their jobs.
4. I am thankful for the Internet. Let's face it, the Internet will never completely replace television, but it's a damn fine supplement. The fact that you're reading this right now is proof. Missed an episode? Look it up online. Want to start a series in the middle? Look up the history online. Want to watch the entire series from the beginning? Download the torrent illegally online. But you didn't hear that last part from me.
5. I am thankful that television mini-series are no longer shown over ten consecutive nights. Who has the time anymore to watch the same station at the same time over ten consecutive nights?
6. I am thankful that with cable and so many alternate channels, the new season no longer starts in the fall. Rather, it starts whenever they begin showing new episodes of that particular series. In effect, it's always a new season.
7. Finally, I am thankful that there is an alternative to simply sitting at home and watching television shows. It is called life. It involves going to bars to get a drink or hanging out at friends' houses. And while there, you're probably going to watch television.
That is all. Let the flames begin.
(Side note: I'm thankful to Jackie Schnoop for allowing me to creatively borrow her graphic.)