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Vincent Margera ordered to drop Don Vito character for 10 years
I know I'm a little late to the party with this information, but if you haven't heard, Viva La Bam's Vincent "Don Vito" Margera was sentenced on Saturday for 10 years to life on probation after he was convicted of two counts of sexual assault on a child. Further, Margera was ordered not to perform as his "Don Vito" alter-ego for 10 years. This is TV related news because, apparently, Don Vito is a television personality. Since I'm over 30 and a high school graduate, I wasn't readily aware of this fact.The bit that intrigues me about this story is the strategy the defense used: that the judge should go easy on Margera because he only groped the teenage girls while "in character." I think that this sets the precedent for a lot of really interesting future court cases...
First, let me say this: I'm not one to judge a book by its cover, but if I had to make a guess whether the man in the picture accompanying this article was "an outrageous and profane [lecher]" or a great method actor who merely pretended to be an outrageous and profane lecher, I'd have to go with the former. I mean, I know that's horrible and all, but come on! I'm a parent now. If this guy showed up at my son's playground wearing a trench coat, my first thought wouldn't be, my god, what a committed character actor!, it would be, how can I pick up my son and run away without it being obvious?
That being said, it's something of a landmark precedent that a lawyer was able to successfully argue a reduced sentence due to someone acting too well. I mean, sure Rambo got only hard labor after killing all those cops because he had post-traumatic stress disorder, but could Sylvester Stallone make the same argument after he shot Brian Dennehy? The answer, in this brave, new post-Margera world? Lock and Load, Mr. Stallone. Lock and load.
Now that the genie is out of the bottle, here are some other actors free to commit crimes:
1) Carroll O'Connor* can now be totally racist. And I don't mean subtly racist, like when my uncle complains that scrambling quarterbacks aren't as good as pocket quarterbacks (right, sure, it's the scrambling you don't like). I mean, he can be flat-out Michael Richards crazy racist. If anyone calls him on it, he can just say, "Oh, man, I'm so sorry, I was just having an Archie Bunker moment, you know?"
2) Hugh Laurie can start a Vicodin addiction. (It's important to note, however, that he can only have the addiction if he swallows the pills without water, House-style. Regular people need water to down pills, TV characters, it always seems, just throw the pills down their throats without the need for any liquid whatsoever. I've never actually seen this in real life. Even my mother -- who was, shall we say, a committed fan of Xanax -- would need, at the very least, an icepick or two in order to take her afternoon trip. I think that if Lurie was seen taking the pills with water, human-style, it would be too hard for the defense to prove he was "in character.")
3) Sam Neill can now plot to overthrow the United States for his masters in the Soviet Union, like his character Colonel Andrei Denisov from the 1987 ABC miniseries Amerika. The only problem I foresee the actor having is that, when he's called before an international tribunal for crimes against humanity, his lawyer might have trouble convincing the judge because the role is such an obscure one. He'd be better off hedging his bets and plotting the downfall of the United States by way of dinosaurs. The double whammy of Amerika and Jurassic Park should make it no problem keeping him out of jail.
What about you guys? Any ideas of other actors and the crimes they can now commit? Let me know in the comments...
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