Big Brother 9: Season Premiere
(S09E01) In honor of the Big Brother 9 season premiere, we're doing a live chat during the 9pm ET airing of the episode. Watch the show and share your thoughts with other Big Brother fans, all in real-time! What could be better?
The full review will follow shortly after the jump. The full review is posted. You can check out AOL TV's coverage of Big Brother 9 here.
Gallery: Big Brother 9 Gallery
Well it's the first winter edition of Big Brother and as Julie Chen said, "Valentine's Day is right around the corner." This is Big Brother "'Til Death Do You Part", and I'm 100% positive we've got one hell of a ride ahead of us.
The basic premise of this season is (nearly) everyone is single and looking for love which will no doubt put the showmance potential to an astronomical high this season. My guess is we'll have at least three full blown showmances, and the possibility of someone in their first trimester of pregnancy by season end. That's not even a stretch because three months is a long ass time.
Let's take a quick look at the contestants and the terribly cheesy tag lines Big Brother forces the contestants to come up with.
Alex - DJ Company Owner
"He's going to spin this game to his advantage."
I don't even know what to say about that comment. Horrible on so many levels.
Sheila - Former Model
"You've never seen a mom like her before."
You might be right about that Sheila, because I've never seen a mom look quiet this trashy. Judging by your personality later in the show we can probably add annoying and whiny to the list. Annoying, whiny, and trashy. That's a triple threat if I've ever seen one.
Natalie - Bikini Barista
Loves bikinis, coffee, and God.
Those are the three things you love? Since we're talking about it, I love fish, chips, and asbestos. My statement is only half as non sequitur as Natalie's (but I love the bikini part I must say).
Jacob - Electrician
"Only the righteous will prevail."
I'd have gone with, "I will electrify the competition" or "These people won't know watt the f*ck hit them," but what do I know?
Chelsia - College Student
"You can call her trouble."
Parker - Paparazzo
"No secret is safe from him."
Parker kind of reminds me of Sideshow Bob. That is all.
Amanda - Paralegal
"This high maintenance girl is used to getting what she wants."
Jen - Bartender
"She knows how to handle a rough crowd."
James - Bicycling Around the World
"He might be homeless but he's going to run the Big Brother house."
Roll over the Big Brother house, roll over. You're a bicyclist not a runner.
Neil - Realtor
"He knows how to close a deal. He also likes the fellas."
Joshuah - Advertising Media Buyer
"No one can resist his Southern charm."
I think, "I have a silent "h" at the end of my name for no apparent reason," would have been better than what he said. From now on, I'm going to start going by JJZ Hawkins.
Ryan - College Student
"He's going all in."
Apparently he likes poker too. Would have been a better line for Allison. You'll see why later.
Sharon - Realtor
"This military brat will never surrender."
Allison - Pharmaceutical Sales Rep
"Her game play will be a work of art."
Matt - Roofing Foreman
"No one can overpower him."
Adam - Public Relations Manager
"He's going to strike down the competition."
And there you have our 16 contestants. It's a painful introduction every season, but we'll definitely learn to love these people soon enough. Right?
At this point the Chen Bot introduced us to this years gimmick. The house guests will compete as couples, win HOH as couples , be evicted as couples, and even share beds as couples. I have to say this is is quite the interesting twist and is way better than the America's Player gimmick from season 8. The America's Player thing just never panned out the way I expected it too. This couples thing is going to have an immediate impact each and every episode. Do you agree?
But wait, there's another wrinkle and I'm not just looking beneath Sheila's eyes. Sharon is about to be reunited with someone she ended a relation with after 12 years. In addition, Jen will be in the house and in the game with someone that she is currently in a relationship with. Namely, Ryan. Doesn't this give them an unfair competitive advantage and give Sharon and Jacob a decided disadvantage? I think so.
On a sidenote, Jen and Ryan have been dating for 9 months total but they've been living together for 7 of those months. Wha, wha, what? They moved in with one another after two months of dating? I'm no prude, but that is moving at an astronomically fast pace if you ask me. At this rate, I'm guessing she's also pregnant and is going to give birth to twins any day now...
Personally I don't think these two are going to make it very far. Unless your name is Amber and Rob or you're a couple on the Amazing Race or you're on a couples edition of Fear Factor, you're just not going to win one of these reality shows. Someone is ultimately going to find out they are in cahoots (since they are pretending they don't know one another) and when the jig is up it'll be bye by Jen and Ryan. I find Jen incredibly attractive by the way. Just had to throw that in there. Obviously, so does Ryan which is why I predict ihs jealousy is going to end up being their demise.
Back to Sharon for a second. The look on her face when she realized Jacob was in the house was almost as good as when Danielle realized her dad was playing the part of her nemesis in the house last season. Priceless.
Also, I've got a quick update:
Earlier when Big Brother flashed Allison's occupation, they failed to mention something. It should have looked like this instead.
Allison - Pharmaceutical Sales Rep / Reformed Gambling Addict...
Big Brother seems to have left this tiny detail from her previous byline. Reformed gambling addict is a pretty big deal. She even went so far as to call herself a professional gambler, which means she's probably going to be pretty decent at manipulating the competition. Of course, being a professional gambler didn't do much for John Robert on Survivor, but It's going to be interesting to see how Allison utilizes her talents. If the manipulation thing doesn't work, she can always revert to being a Pharmaceutical Sales Rep, and slip some free Ambien samples in her competition's beverages. It would probably be just as effective.
Moving on, I had two observations during the banter that ensued between the house guests. The first is, holy crap! Sheila is 45 years old. Parker is definitely a fish out of water being the only African American in the house (and having no celebrities to stalk), but Sheila is like a friggin' whale out of the ocean. A really old whale that whines a lot. Who thought it was a good idea to put a 45-year-old woman in a house full of 20-year-olds? It almost seems inhumane. This isn't going to go over very well. Mark my words.
Secondly, is it just me or does Matt come across as the horniest person in Big Brother history? He just about made a comment about bedding every single girl at one point or another. I'm pretty sure he'd dry hump a potato if it winked at him.
Next, Julie put the house guests into pairs, or "soul mates".
Alex and Amanda
James and Chelsia
Natalie and Matt
Jen and Parker (Not Ryan)
(Ryan's head just exploded.)
Joshuah and Neil
Jacob and Sharon
How appropriate for Big Brother to pair up Jacob and Sharon. That's just wrong but oh so wonderful from an entertainment standpoint.
Ryan and Allison
Sheila and Adam
Everyone seemed pretty content with the pairing with the exception of Jacob and Sharon (for obvious reasons), Ryan (for obvious reasons), and Sheila and Adam (for immature, whiny, and trashy reasons).
Immediate Eviction Competition - Falling For You
Lastly, Julie let us know that one couple would win the sole power to evict another couple in a matter of hours.
The Power Couple competition basically had one of the partners suspended from a line while their partner hung below them. The group that stayed suspended together the longest would be the first Big Brother power couple.
Sheila and Adam were the first out followed quickly by Neal and Joshuah. I've got to get used to putting an "h" at the end of his name.
Amanda (who is "muscular but has some pudge she can get rid of") and Alex were the next to be eliminated.
Sharon and Jacob (the reluctant couple) were the next to fall. I found it amusing that Jacob continues to call Sharon babe despite the fact she obviously hates him. That's got to be awful for her.
Finally, Julie threw a new twist into the competition by letting the remaining couples know that if they could reach the heart pillow on the bed below them and win the competition, they'd win $10,000. Everybody but Matt and Natalie ended up trying to get the pillow.
Jen actually snagged her heart pillow as did Allison. Then Alison promptly dropped her pillow and fell to the ground. Weak.
Chelsea ended up grabbing her pillow and managed to get back into James hands only to fall and bust her ass like most of the other girls.
Jen and Parker ultimately cut a deal with the last remaining couple and promised not to evict them if they dropped out. The other team took the deal and Parker and Jen won the competition and the $10,000 bounty.
Unfortunately, that's where tonight's episode ended. We won't get to find out who Jen and Parker evict until Wednesday night's show Until then, be sure to tune into Jackie's posts for some insight into what goes on in the house during the 24-hour live feed.
Looks like it's going to be a pretty good season and I'm already digging it immensely. It's way too early to pick a favorite to win this thing, but I'll go out on a limb and say it's going to be Allison and Jacob. I have no grounds for that guess other than the fact that they seem to be hating the situation the most so far. Those in distress usually do the best. You can use that line if you want to.
See you next time.
|Alex and Amanda||36 (7.4%)|
|James and Chelsia||40 (8.3%)|
|Natalie and Matt||21 (4.3%)|
|Jen and Parker||76 (15.7%)|
|Joshuah and Neil||38 (7.9%)|
|Jacob and Sharon||23 (4.8%)|
|Ryan and Allison||25 (5.2%)|
|Sheila and Adam||12 (2.5%)|
|Too early to call.||213 (44.0%)|