"Best Damn Sports Hearing Period": Once again proving that America has its priorities in order, Roger Clemens was taken to a hearing on the Hill. Yeah, because what this country needs the most is some clarification on steroid use in professional sports. Most of the jokes were directed towards Clemens' frantic, nervous lip-licking, and rightfully so because -- let's face it -- the man is no LL Cool J. Jon's "... If he licks his lawyers' lips, bet the motherf*cking ranch" made me spill my drink everywhere, which doesn't really matter because I probably would have spilled it anyway when he later delivered that sleazy "Happy Valentine's Day".

"Iraq?": Believe it or not, with all this baseball stuff going on, there is still a war in Iraq. Resident Expert John Hodgman took a break from extensive Obama-blogging to fulfill his Daily Show duty and share more world knowledge. This time, he shared "Five Habits of Highly Explosive People" to help potential terrorists fill out their Al-Qaeda applications. As always, Hodgman was absolutely hilarious and I've missed his absence.

The night's guest was Lee Siegel author of Against the Machine: Being Human in the Age of the Electronic Mob. I spent the first few minutes of the interview trying to remember why "Lee Siegel" sounded so very familiar. Eventually, I recalled a series of entries on actor James Urbaniak's Voucher Ankles blog. After surprising myself for remember something like this from so long ago, I mused over the irony of this interview (read the "New Republic Controversy"). There Siegel was, talking to Jon Stewart about anonymity and acting like an ass on the Internet. Ell oh ell, Mr. Siegel. Semi-colon parentheses.

Moment of Zen: Apparently, juicing makes you forget what vegans are.

No show next week, but... Oscars!