America's Next Top Model: Where's the Beef?
(S10E04) I have a confession to make. I've developed a bit of a crush on Amis.
It's not the psychotic plant-a-GPS-transponder-on-her-car-and-stalk-her crush that you might see on an episode of Dateline or anything. I've simply grown fond of her goofy personality.She's got a real every-girl appeal about her and she's not the typical kind of model that you see coming on this show. I find her pretty refreshing. If Amis were to read this, I'm sure she'd find what I wrote slightly disturbing.
Disturbing because even I think it's a little creepy to see some blogger say that he has a crush on someone he doesn't know. (It's not really a crush, I just typed that for dramatic effect).
Mostly, she'd be disturbed because my saying these nice things about her have all but guaranteed that she won't be around much longer. Anybody I've ever rooted for on this show and any other reality show is destined to lose. It's a scientific constant. You'll see what I mean here in just bit. I really should have just kept my mouth shut.
This week, the girls found themselves in a firehouse where Miss J told the girls they had 90 seconds to get dressed in some fireman gear and walk the runway in front of a bunch of excited firemen who wanted to "sop them up with a biscuit."
Didn't we already do runway critiquing this season? How many times can Miss J make fun of the way the girls walk? I think it's about time he moved on to more pressing issues like how much Dominique's operation cost her. These are the things the fans want to know about, are they not?
Outside of J telling Fatima that she stomped like a Clydesdale and him saying a quick prayer before Lauren did her walk, it was pretty much the same sequence we watched a few episodes ago.
Oh yeah, then Amis became the first girl in Top Model history to do a jolly little hop during her runway walk. This girl is absolutely out of her mind and I love it.
Later on, it was revealed that Aimee has a major issue being naked in front of the rest of the girls. Aimee is seriously in the wrong industry if she's apprehensive about being naked in front of strangers, don't you think?
From what I know of the fashion industry, the backstage of modeling shows are practically boob factories with all the clothing changes going on. Shyness isn't exactly an attribute models are known for. I think it's about time Aimee pulled a Kimberly. I think she's wanting to get into the wrong profession but just doesn't want to admit it.
Tonight, the girls got the opportunity to dress up in some Tuleh Design clothing for a Tuleh fashion show.
Tonight also brought the original Cha Cha Diva back to to the show, which caused Amis to describe Jaslene as a "big old, beautiful, doe-eyed yummy little Latino sandwich." Nonsensical, but priceless.
The winner of the Tuleh fashion show would appear in Seventeen Magazine with Jaslene. The catch? The girls had three minutes to get dressed by themselves. If they weren't dressed and ready to go when it was their turn to take the stage, the show would go on without them and they'd be eliminated.
During the contest, Whitney added some validity to my "boob factory" comment from above when she walked the entire length of the runway with her left member partially exposed. Thankfully, Whitney played it cool and didn't look down at it. Had this happened to Aimee I'm pretty sure she would have just broken down and started crying on the spot.
- Lauren practically sprinted down the runway. I halfway expected her to hand a baton to the model she passed on the runway. It was like she was running the third leg of the 4 X 100 relay. Truly bizarre.
- Fatima pretty much sprinted down the runway as well. She also misaligned the buttons on her outfit. She looked like she got dressed in the dark.
- Finally, Amis did not skip down the runway. I was really hoping she would. She's crazy, but not that crazy.
The winner of the competition was Katarzyna and she was allowed to pick two friends to be in the photo with her. She selected Amis and Marvita and here was the resulting ad:
Tonight's photo shoot was interesting to say the least. The girls were placed inside of a meat locker and had to drape various cuts of beef around their body as accessories to their clothing. In addition, sometimes the meat was actually the clothing as seen in the beef bikini bottom worn by Claire below.
In all honesty, I really have no idea how to comment on this segment. I can't quite decided if this mades me nauseas, hungry, or a little bit turned on. It's probably a combination of all three and that mostly just disturbs me.
I guess all of the girls did a pretty good job considering there were covered with bovine flesh. I just hope they sprayed some sanitizer over their bodies when this was over because the bacteria count was probably off the charts.
The order of the photos:Anya
Like I said, my endorsing anyone on this show is pretty much the kiss of death. It came down to Fatima and Amis and my little crazy darling got the boot. I wasn't expecting that, but as I've proven over and over again in these reviews, I generally have no clue what I'm talking about.
I think my strategy going forward will be to root for the girl I like the least. From this point forward, I'm all about Dominique and/or Fatima making it to the finals. They truly are the best girls in this competition (wink, wink).