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August 27, 2015

Oh, those depraved '80s cartoons!

by Richard Keller, posted Mar 30th 2008 1:05PM

The Smurfs killing someone softly with their song? According to Todd Ciolek, yes.Raising the dead, robot/human relationships, melting families and naked tiger-like humanoids. By reading this list you probably think I'm talking about stuff that happens on shows like Battlestar Galactica, Lost and According to Jim. Obviously, you would be wrong...except for the According to Jim thing. No, all of these events took place in cartoons made in the 1980's.

Yes, the cartoons that many of us remember with fondness were actually agents of evil, at least to Todd Ciolek, who recently posted a tongue-in-cheek list of the 10 most child-warping moments of 80s cartoons. Included in this list were the Transformer-mermaid relationship that took place on The Transformers, Shipwreck's melting family on G.I. Joe, and the nuclear zombie children of The Spiral Zone. Also featured are the Smurfs singing someone to death during their smurfin' Christmas special, and the Care Bears bringing someone back to life during their second movie.

Of all these shows, the one that brought back memories for me was the mention of the naked Thundercats. If you recall, during the first few minutes of the pilot episode of this series none of the characters other than Jaga wore costumes. It wasn't until right before they went into suspended animation did they put on their garments. It really doesn't matter to me since Thundercats still has one of the best openings of any 80's cartoon.

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Jim Nelson

Apparently, this guy has never seen Robotech, particularly the Macross episodes, which featured, among other things:

1. Giant (i.e., 50-60 feet tall) humanoid aliens lusting after a teenage human girl

2. A human and an alien getting married and having a child

3. The graphic deaths of major characters

4. A defensive shield malfunction that causes the accidental destruction of the city of Toronto, literally leaving a smoking crater where the city used to be.

5. A crazed, homicidal alien who launches a kamikazi attack that destroys the human space fortress and kills several major characters.

and, oh, I almost forgot

6. An alien attack on the Earth that wipes out approximately 99.9% of the human race and also results in the destruction of nearly 5 million alien battle cruisers.

OK, it was a Japanese import, but still, it was syndicated on American broadcast TV on weekdays after school.

March 31 2008 at 10:16 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

OMG they are CATS! They have FUR!

And I seriously wonder how you can not mention the fact that the smurfs have ONE woman in their midst. Only ONE!

March 30 2008 at 7:25 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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