America's Next Top Model: For Those About to Walk, We Salute You
(S10E09) Now, I don't want to come off as too harsh or insensitive, but if Dominique is the first thing I see when an episode of America's Next Top Model begins, I usually do a double take to make sure I didn't accidentally hit play on my Gremlins 2 DVD.
Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I say Dominique's eyes be holding no beauty.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I say Domique's windows have vacancy signs tacked on the panes.
Some say an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I say, I would gladly gouge out both of my eyes with a worn tooth if I have to look at her just a week longer.
Am I being too hard on her? Of course I am. She's a girl on a reality modeling competition. If I took this as seriously as I lead on, I'd need to do a serious reevaluation of my life.
Despite that, this is an opinionated recap of the show, and I'll be damned if I don't occasionally throw in some scathing opinions, plus you guys seem to like it when I'm hateful. Shame on you.
Anyhow, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think a more vile creature has ever made it this far into a cycle. Top Model Darwinism usually kicks in long before this point and the beast has typically eliminated herself, no?
So what's her secret? Dumb luck? Pact with the devil? Does she have a sex tape of Tyra she's threatening to sell to TMZ?
None of the above. I totally know what's going on here. Picture if you will:
Camera pans to a body on a pile of crumpled white sheets. It's Dominique, she's just waking up, and she looks like...well like Dominique. We get a montage of shots as Dominique diligently applies various CoverGirl products to her face. Next, we get a shot of Dominique in the mirror looking semi-hot (assuming this is possible).
CoverGirl's new product tagline sprawled across the screen:
CoverGirl - The Miracle Collection
It's a CoverGirl conspiracy. It has to be. I'm pretty sure I'm on to something here.
The best part about that whole tangent is I haven't even watched a second of the show yet. For all I know, Dominique goes home tonight. My hunch is that since I said some pretty rancid things, she'll be protected yet again this week. If she knew how much I disliked her, she'd probably be thrilled.
Shall I shut up now so we find out what actually happened?
Before that, I keep forgetting to mention that the remixed intro this season is top notch and I'm not being an smart ass. It's well shot, I like the colors, I like the slower pace, and I like the scenes they use of the girls. I can't believe no one has mentioned that in the comments yet. You're slacking.
The first thing we learned this episode is that Fatima is in the country on a green card and she lost her travel documents in Atlanta. I'm not really sure what any of that means but I'm guessing if someone goes Schindler's List on her, and asks to see her papers, there's a good chance she may be deported. This may be the best start to an episode all season.
Next, Paulina made a surprise visit to the house and did a little role-playing with the girls. She pretended that she was some uppity figure in the industry and the girls had to come up and introduce themselves. She also played an interviewer and used an empty water bottle as a microphone during faux interviews with the girls. Not much really interesting to say about this sequence other than it was nice to see Paulina make an appearance this season outside of panel. Every time I see Paulina, I hope that she's going to bring the pain like she did in episode one when she flat out told Dominique that she was "a little on the draggy side." It hasn't quite happened yet.
All of the practice was preparing the girls for a green carpet Jay Godfrey event hosted by 7-Up. They had to spend some time on the carpet being photographed and interviewed by some blonde lady representing The Insider. Outside of stumbling on a few words, Dominique referring to Jay Godfrey and "Jay Georgeau," and Whitney wearing an intimately cut blue Hefty cinch sack, the carpet portion of this went off without a hitch.
For the remainder of the evening the girls got to mingle with quasi celebrities including April from cycle 2 and the Taco Bell dog from cycle 8. I was also extremely upset when I got a look at Paulina's sad sack of a recording artist husband. The guy looked perfectly ordinary yet gets to sleep with a supermodel every night. I, on the other hand look perfectly ordinary, and on a good night, my cat will curl up next to me at the foot of my bed. I think I took a wrong turn somewhere through life.
Anya and her peculiar accent won the challenge, and she was rewarded with a 7-Up photoshoot and $10,000 in a cold hard check. Is it just me or is Anya kind of a silent assassin this season? When I'm going through the girls in my head, I never think of her, yet this is the second challenge she's won this cycle. I personally don't think she's going to make it any further than the commercial shoot, but I thought the same of Cha Cha and look what happened to her. Apparently, articulation is not a very important trait in this industry.
The girls got some Tyra mail that alluded to them going abroad. They excitedly packed there bags and brought them to the airport. As it turns out, the girls didn't actually go anywhere tonight. The luggage they brought along was going to be a prop in a travel inspired group photoshoot.
Fatima let Jay know she was going to miss the shoot since she had an appointment about her papers. Jay brought up a good point when he mentioned that Fatima waited way too long to go get this issue taken care of. The lonely tear that rolled down Fatima's cheek during this sequence has become my new favorite moment of this cycle...
...and then my own little sad tear rolled down my cheek when I discovered Fatima got her papers. You all have no idea how much I hate this show right now...
..but then I started loving it again because immediately after the photoshoot (which Fatima didn't make it back to, HAHAHAHAH), the girls walked into an airplane hangar and were shocked to see that panel was about to take place.
Order of the photos:
This left Stacy-Ann and Fatima who didn't even take a picture. It didn't matter. Stacy-Ann was sent home and Fatima made it through. Wow! Losing to someone who didn't even take a picture?! Can we go ahead and rank this as the worst possible way you could get eliminated from a Top Model cycle? What would that do to a person's self-esteem? Did she even make it to the flight that that was going to take her home or did she just go lay on the runway like I would have done?
I lied. After panel, the girls did go abroad. They're headed to Rome.
Finally, I'm going to have to chop my fingers off after typing this, but Dominique took a great picture this week which basically flew in the face of all the wretched things I typed about her at the beginning of this piece of crap recap.
Once again, I prove that I have no business writing this thing. I may have to find a replacement anyhow. It's going to be tough pecking this out with these nubs not to mention these gouged out eyes from a worn tooth. I'm back to hating this show.
|Nope - She didn't even take a photo this week. Why should she get to stay?||215 (56.9%)|
|Yup - Fatima's body of work was much stronger than Stacy-Anns.||163 (43.1%)|