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Super Skank Wednesday: Ambre, the superior skank & A tribute to Thing 1

by Kristin Sample, posted Apr 16th 2008 10:38AM
Daisy and Ambre compete for the coveted love of Bret MichaelsWelcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York, (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, and Charm School. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

After the jump, I'll be discussing the finale of Rock of Love 2 (oh how bittersweet it was) and Bret's past finalists. I'll also be paying tribute to Thing 2 who left the Flavor of Love house in the most tearful elimination I have ever witnessed on that show.

Ambre, The Superior Skank

First of all, let me say that Sunday night was bittersweet. Sweet because Ambre won the heart of our favorite has-been rocker and that slutty Fraggle Daisy was sent packin'. Bitter, of course, because there is no more Rock of Love until the reunion show and Rock of Love 3. The former promises to be rather entertaining (can't wait for Heather Vs. Daisy). And the latter? I think considering the time we've spent with big man Bret, we know he's not done with VH1 celebreality yet.

A few random comments about the finale:
  • Why were the girls not given keys to their hotel room?
  • Ambre didn't have on underwear and gave Bret the Basic Instinct flash. When that happened, I got a chill down my spine and a bit of throw-up crept up into my mouth.
  • When Ambre straddled Bret to finish his massage, the masseuse in the background looked totally uncomfortable.
  • I think we were all happy that Ambre won the precious heart of Bret Michaels. That's at least what I got from the comments on last week's post. But it I'm wrong and there's a RoL fan out there that wants to stick up for skankastic Daisy, be my guest.
  • Ambre is a TV host. I didn't even know this until Sunday night. She's probably the ONLY person on one of these VH1 skanky-dating-competition shows that didn't get called out for that. The skanks and the manks (my word for male skanks on I Love New York) usually make such a big deal about models / actors being on the show just to further their careers. How did she get away with it? Daisy tells Ambre off.

Okay, now here's what I'd really like to discuss: Bret's finalists from Rock of Love 1 and Rock of Love 2 . I've ordered them from worst to best. Feel free to argue with my claims in the comments.

4. Daisy: By far, she is the most ill-suited for my man B. Michaels. As I said before, she looks like a Fraggle. I swear Bret still hasn't seen her face. He's way too distracted by those mesmerizing boobs. Also, she's a complete basket case. Daisy still lives with her ex-boyfriend, probably slept with Bret's bandmate, and above all, waited to the eleventh-hour to tell Bret any of this. Lastly, she's by far the dumbest and most immature ofJess, winner of Rock of Love 1 these four skanks.

3. Jes: Let's start with the good stuff. Jes is the prettiest girl to grace the Rock of Love mansion (yes, even prettier than Kristy Jo). And from what I saw, she seemed smart, funny, and...not psychotic (a plus on this show). But then there's the drawbacks. I know some people liked it, but I thought Jes's hair was downright ridiculous. And I thought it took away from her gorgeous face. There were other, less cosmetic, things I found suspect about the Rock of Love 1 winner. She broke up with Bret on the reunion show. Yep, that's giving it a chance. I bet she learned that trick from Tango on I Love New York (or did Tango learn it from Jes?). In addition to breaking up with the big man on cable TV, Jes used his show to promote her T-shirt business, a business that she runs with her ex-boyfriend.

Heather, runner-up from Rock of Love 12. Heather: She's a stripper. So what? I hate when people make such a big deal about that. *sings* Just because she dances go-go / That don't make her a ho, No. Remember that Wyclef song? But back to Heather. Heather is awesome with a capital A. She can hold her liquor. She can fight off other skanky groupies. She can work a stripper pole (just in case Bret has one handy, and I'm fairly sure he does). She's honest and has a great friendship with Bret. I know, I know. Heather's rough looking. She's been through a lot in her life and she looks it. Plus, during her season, she rocked 80s hair. I bet she brought like eight bottles of Aqua Net with her to the show. I mean, look at that helmet of blonde frizziness. That's dedication.

1. Ambre: So the hair in her picture isn't that much better than Heather's but, I love Ambre. It's a close call between her and Heather. In the end, Bret just isn't attracted to Heather like he is to Ambre. If he was attracted to Heather, he would have kept her around this season or just decided on Heather in season one. Bret is definitely sexually attracted to Ambre. HeAmbre, winner of Rock of Love 2 said she was the best kisser he'd ever kissed (and I'm sure he's test-driven a lot of skanks). Ambre's also smart and well-spoken. She isn't afraid to call out the girls who she thinks are fake. She did it with Kristy Jo and with Daisy. Furthermore, I've got to give her credit for never really hitting below the belt in fights. Do I need to scratch that because she called Daisy a bitch?

What do you readers think? Did I get it right? Should I have switched number one and number two?

A Tribute to Thing 1

And, already I miss Rock of Love. I must take solace in Flavor of Love 3 from now on. It's not as good as previous seasons but skanks are skanks so it'll have to do. Speaking of Flav, let's talk about what happened on Monday.

Thing 2 The twins are split up! I, for one, am excited about this. I know lots of people liked the twins but I found them completely annoying. I tried to dig up some dirt about Thing 1 and Thing 2 for this post but, there isn't much on the web about them. All I found out was basic bio stuff. Thing 1 is Latrisha and Thing 2 is Latresha. Both girls are from Artesia, CA, and are 26 years old. Anyone know anything else? Moving on...

Good Things about Thing 1

  • She's not afraid to call other people out on their bullsh*t. However, it's easy to confront someone when your twin is right there yelling with you and jumping on a bed or making Tarzan noises.
  • She claims she's there for Flav and she's "real." I have to say, I think she's for realz myself.
  • And how could I forget? She's one-half of the twins! I guess the novelty wore off for Flav though.
  • She works in a nursing home (along with Thing 2). Flav is old so her geriatric-care skills will come in handy soon.
Problems with Thing 1 (or Why Thing 1 Left and Thing 2 is Still There)
  • She's the chubbier of the twins. So she's really not half of the twin awesomeness. She's more two-thirds. Remember when she won that eating competition against Hotlanta? Flav doesn't want to share his chicken and waffles.
  • She's fine with sharing Flav with her sister. Creepy, if you ask me.
  • She had sex with her ex-boyfriend right before coming on the show. Flav is a clean man. He even had Hotlanta get checked out for the gerps because she had a pimple on her lip. If Thing 2 had stayed in the house, Flav might have demanded a full blood test.
  • She doesn't know Flav's real name. At her fake wedding, she read her vows "William Drake." His real name is William Drayton.
Happy Super Skank Wednesday everybody! See you next week!

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There better be another Rock of Love and I better be on the next show.

May 05 2008 at 12:54 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

There better be another Rock of Love and I better be on it this time.

May 05 2008 at 12:52 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

OK, Daisy is clearly crazy and immature. And, yes after the perks of the physical relationship wore off, Brett would probably serve more as D's father than lover, but after that huge Daisy-Brett build up, I kind of assumed she'd win. And M13, you're kinda right. I did feel sorry that Daisy's intimacy with B seemed all for naught.

However, KS, in Jes' defense, she said that she had tried several times to contact Brett, particularly when he performed near her, but he never showed any signs of wanting to connect. As for Ambre, I'm wondering why she made a big deal about hiding her age for the business, but then openly declares it later. Won't her producers wonder about that? Also, why would any show support their presenter on doing ROL (let alone that MySpace pic)?

April 17 2008 at 9:08 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Guess I have to be the one to stand up for Daisy. Yes, she's kind of
dumb (at least that's how she was portrayed), and its obvious she's
had some work done. Maybe it comes down to the tattoo. While others
were staring at her chest I was checking out her ink. Ok, maybe she's

not the kind of woman you want to marry, but something tells me this
whole show wasn't about falling in love in the true sense of the
word. Oh, and before you diss Daisy for being skanky what about Bret
himself? He was having sex with Daisy pretty much from the start of
that show and then dumps her? That's pretty skanky of Bret himself. I

argue Bret is skankier then any of the ladies on that show.

April 16 2008 at 4:05 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Yeah, I'd like to know in what market Ambre is a tv host. I mean, this can't possibly be good for her career? While she is well spoken, etc., she is also not SKANK. Eww!

April 16 2008 at 2:52 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I LOVE this blog and look forward to it every Wednesday. I'm ashamed to admit it but I actually sort of liked Daisy (even though she is pretty stupid), because even though she had the most bone-headed comments on the show, (hello, "I can't help that guys are attracted to me,"...um, yes you can, nobody held a gun to your head when you got lip injections and boob implants) but I thought she was kind of funny and Ambre was just way too awkward for me. I thought it was hilarious when Daisy got sick on the boat and I could not stop laughing when they showed her swaying on the deck, about to puke.

April 16 2008 at 1:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Caroline's comment
Akbar Fazil

in her exit interview over on VH1s blog, she claims that her boobs (which were already big for her frame) are fake and she had her nose done but her lips are 100% real due to her Mexican/German heritage. Yah right I say.

April 16 2008 at 1:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Marcus Gorman

I don't know. Maybe she knows CC AND Sixx.

And technically, "Beauty & The Geek" is not a dating show--producers Kutcher and Goldberg call it a "social experiment"--but yes, Megan should have been up front about not only appearing on a national show but also winning first place.

April 16 2008 at 12:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Marcus Gorman's comment
Akbar Fazil

I am of the firm belief that Megan was allowed on the show by the producers to be there and not mention her previous stint. She was never going to make it to the finals and was probably scripted (or at least, planned on) that when Heather came she would "out" her.

April 16 2008 at 1:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Akbar Fazil

I think Ambre's "job" is not in a major market or she is still relatively unknown (as opposed to idiot Megan being on a previous dating show.) I seem to recall her speaking about her job previously on the show.
Over on VH1's site there are some extra scenes from the finale that further cement Daisy's skanky-ness. Not only did she "know" Nikki Six, but apparently she knows everyone else in Poision and Brett's main opening act. How this escaped Brett I am not sure.

There was a nice interview with Ambre after the show where she stated that she at least went into it knowing that at the end she couldn't see Brett for multiple months (it seemed like this was a total surprise to Jess last year.) Being ready to accept that she is now ready to start dating Brett and see where it goes. I don't think either of them were thinking that immediately they are going to start a major relationship.

As for RoL3? I would love to see it. But I think there may not be one as quickly as #2 came around. I think Brett mentioned that we are going to get a "life on the tour bus" kind of show. Which has potential to be just as interesting.

April 16 2008 at 11:29 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
2 replies to Akbar Fazil's comment
Kristin Sample

Is it Nikki Six or C.C. Deville that she *air quotes* knows in the biblical sense?

Totally unrelated note: I always get CC Deville and Cecil B DeMille mixed up (just the names not the men).

April 16 2008 at 12:01 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Akbar Fazil

I am not sure which one it was that she "knew" but I thought it was Nikki.

(and I get the two CCs confused all the time too, you are not alone)

April 16 2008 at 12:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Heading to blog says tribute to Thing 2 and blog states Tribute to Thing 1....please fix.

BTW....love your blog. Thanks for entertaining me each Wednesday.

April 16 2008 at 11:23 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Dina's comment
Kristin Sample

The title is fixed now. I actually wrote the whole thing about Thing 2 and then realized, Oh, she's the skinny twin who's still there. So, I changed it in the body but totally forgot to change the title.

It's the twin power. I blame the twin power.

April 16 2008 at 11:55 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Daisy: Why did you call me a stripper?
Ambre: Well, it's what you do.

Not exact quotes, but you get the idea. I am ecstatic that Ambre won and Daisy was told to get her Fraggle butt out of Bret's life. Grounded and smart vs. airheaded and immature? The right woman won.

April 16 2008 at 11:03 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Rayvyn's comment
Kristin Sample

I loved that exchange too.

April 16 2008 at 11:59 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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