Super Skank Wednesday: What to do at a celebreality reunion - VIDEOS
Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, I Love New York (or whatever show Tiffany Pollard is making next), The Surreal Life, and Charm School. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.
After the jump, I'm tackling "What to Do at a Celebreality Reunion." And I've collected some videos for you.
Happy Super Skank Wednesday, everybody!
Below are the three best things a skank or a "mank" (male skanks, for those of you unbaptized in the vocabulary of SSW) can do at a VH1 reunion. Please add your own in the comments.
1. Get into a fight: I don't think I've seen a Rock/Flavor of I Love New York reunion that has NOT had a fight in it. We loved the skanked-out violence on Jerry Springer. Why would we not love it on VH1? It's just Springer with better-looking people.
The two best fights were Mr. Wise Vs. Tailor-Made on the I Love New York 2 reunion and Sunday night's Daisy Vs. Heather on Rock of Love 2 reunion. I love the Heather/Daisy fight because Heather takes hold of Daisy's extensions and just pounds her head. I thought a chunk of bleached blonde frizziness was going to get ripped out. However, the Mr. Wise Vs. Tailor-Made was just fantastic. I love how Mr. Wise talks about how he was a real man because he didn't fight Tailor-Made on the show then leaps (yes, he literally leaps) across the stage and tries to punch TM in the head. Brilliant.
Honorable mention: New York Vs. Pumkin during the first Flavor of Love Reunion. This wasn't quite as entertaining as the other fights I mentioned. Firstly, New York is a priss. Her bark is much worse than her bite. Secondly, you knew this fight was coming. Pumkin spit on New York when she was eliminated and New York even told the audience at the reunion that she had a knuckle sandwich for that spitting ho-bag Pumkin. Okay, she didn't say "knuckle sandwich." I made that up.
Here's Daisy De La Hoya versus Heather Chadwell. (Guess Uncle Oscar didn't ever teach Double D how to fight.)
Here's Tailor-Made versus Mr. Wise (well, really just Mr. Wise spanking Tailor-Made). There's two videos. I added the first one so you could see the build-up before the "Great Flying Wise."
2. Break-up with the star of the show: Hoopz did it. Tango did it. Jes did it. It's very en vogue to break up with the eligible bachelor or bachelorette after spending a month trying to win his or her heart.
Well, Hoopz broke it off with Flav before the show. I even remember what she said. "It's like that. But it's not like that," she told LaLa. Okay, now I'm totally embarrassed that I told the world I remember her exact words. Moving on...
Tango broke up with New York because he didn't like all the things she said about his mama. Click here for the video. It's awesome how blind-sided New York was by the whole thing. (I don't know why I couldn't embed this. So, if you want to see the clip, you'll have to click over to VH1.)
Jes broke up with Bret and even went so far as to say that he picked the wrong girl. Jes didn't like that Bret just dropped her off at a hotel and then didn't contact her for months. I guess she didn't read that part of her contract. Here's the video of Jes shattering Bret's little rockstar heart.
3. Get plastic surgery in between finishing taping and the reunion show. I know there's other people who have changed their look but I think the most famous transformation was Tiffany "New York" Pollard. She went from skinny and modestly chested to voluptuous and top heavy at her reunion show. Maybe that's why Tango broke up with her. Check out these pictures.
From a photo shoot at the start of I Love New York (season 1):
And from a photo shoot done just before the reunion (she looks a little like Oprah here, no?):
Here's a few other nuggets...
Show your butt on stage. When you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Or, just show the person your luscious ass. Angelique did it on Sunday night after Aubry tried calling her out. And New York has done it...well, at just about every reunion we've seen. I think that was how she responded to Flav after he chose Delishious and how she responded to Tango when he left her on stage.
And here's something NOT to do. Don't sing your stupid song on stage at the reunion. We've had to suffer through Lacey and Peyton crooning a song for five minutes during the reunion. Okay, reunions are only an hour long. Commercials take up twenty minutes of that. Don't waste another five on some no-name singer. It's precious time that could be spent watching the skanks yell at each other and break out into fights.
Is there anything I missed? I think I covered everything that makes a good reunion show. See you next Wednesday!