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October 6, 2015

America's Next Top Model: Viva Italia!

by JJ Hawkins, posted Apr 24th 2008 9:40AM

Anya takes a spill.

(S10E10) I accidentally went through last weeks entire recap without a single mention of Lauren going straight Ginsu on her thumb.

I figured I shouldn't make the same mistake two weeks in a row so decided to intro with Anya's faceplant on a brick street..

We heard the requisite record play scratch immediately after she fell. We got Anya's diary room explanation of how it went down (literally). And we got to watch one girl out of five turn around and help Anya pry her mandible from the ground.

There, I covered it. It was a rather uneventful faceplant as far as faceplants go, but it was interesting to see that only Kat turned around to see if Anya was alright. I'm not sure if the other girls didn't see her or just didn't care. Seeing that we're talking about Fatima, Dominique, Whitney, and Lauren I tend to think it was the latter.

Before we go any further, I think I need to point something out.

Me at the mouth of truth.

This is me last year during a recent trip doing my best douchebag impersonation at the Mouth of Truth in Rome.

Fatimanique at the Mouth of Truth.

Here's Fatimanique visiting the same spot! Cycle 10 was probably filmed pretty close to the time I was in the country. Had I had some inkling that my two mortal enemies would visit the same touristy attraction, by Jupiter's beard, I swear I would have slathered that mouth with as much Ebola virus as I could casually get my hands on.

Would that not have been the ultimate way to ensure that these two garden gnomes didn't win cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model?

Aside from the fact that I would have had to kill these two and countless innocent bystanders, it probably would have gone down as the single coolest thing a person has ever done to alter the outcome of a meaningless reality television show. I could shoot myself for not having better foresight.

Anyhow, the girls were thrilled to see their Roman digs, and I don't blame them. There house has to be the most lavish living arrangement I've seen during any cycle of the show. I mean, there's a friggin' pool and an atrium inside of their quarters. It was a sight to behold and someplace I could completely see myself living if I was a billionaire.

The girls didn't get to stay at the pad long as they were whisked away the next morning to a competition where they made their best effort to Impress an Italian designer with their Italian style.

And here are the girls all fancied up:

The girls in Italian styled attire.

After last week and this weeks selections, I'm starting to wonder what the heck is wrong with Whitney. Did she pick the plastic Smurf outfit from last week? Did she pick the travesty that she's wearing above (which she said she'd probably wear in everyday life)? All the girls look relatively good in the designs they have on, but Whitney sticks out like a bandaged thumb with those giant fur covered cuffs. Maybe it's just me.

The highlight of the night for me came when Gai Mattiolo was giving critiques of the models and there respective model walks. He said, and I quote, "Dominique es very ah natural. She know how to present dress, but she ah doesn't look fresh." Couldn't have said it better myself Gai, and I've tried several times this season.

Scratch that. The real highlight came a few minutes later when Lauren performed her model walk...er...model stagger. Someone please get this girl some Dramamine because there is clearly something off with her equilibrium.

Seriously, we're 10 episodes into the season, and still model staggering along like she just knocked out a 12 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Again, I love the girl, but I'm baffled that she's still in this thing.

Surprisingly, the silent assassin won the competition again this week and won a gown designed by Gai. I say surprisingly because I was sure that Kat performed the best tonight, not to mention that she's the best looking girl left in the bunch.

I'm kind of bummed that for tonight's CoverGirl commercial they're going to be speaking in Italian. I'm mostly disappointed because all cycle long I've been eager to see how Anya and her jacked up accent would perform when reciting a script. I figured I'd have no clue who did well and who did poorly.

Lauren messing up bad.

Wrong! I can tell you who did bad. It was Lauren. It was almost as if she popped a bottle of Vicodin right before downing the 12 pack of Pabst I mentioned earlier. She staggered, she was mousy and disoriented, and she made faces (like the gem above). Basically, she looked like she'd rather be set on fire than be participating in an Italian CoverGirl commercial shoot. She's done, finito, completo. I don't see how she can make it any further after a performance like this.

Fatima did great (grumble, grumble), Anya did well, Dominique did decently, Kataryzna did mediocre, and I have no effing clue what Whitney was doing but it felt fake as the extensions in her hair.

The order of the photos:

Okay, before that I have to revise my favorite moment of the night one more time.

Hell to the no.

It's about the only time it's happened all season, but Miss J made me laugh with this after viewing Lauren's horrible commercial. "Can I pull off four strips today," and the fake bandage on his/her thumb were also quality bits. It's about time he/she made me laugh this season and three times in a row no less. Where was this episodes 1-9?


This left Whitney and Lauren. Do I even need to say who went home? Looking over Lauren's body of work during the exit it's evident she takes a brilliant still. Unfortunately, as Tyra said, "A CoverGirl has got to talk." They also have to walk and Lauren didn't really have either of these skills perfected. I think the judges made the right decision, even if it left Fatima and Dominique in the running.

I kid you not people, if Fat or Dom win this thing I'm never watching this show again. NEVER!

Five are left. Who's winning?
Whitney23 (6.9%)
Katarzyna127 (38.4%)
Dominique4 (1.2%)
Fatima22 (6.6%)
Anya155 (46.8%)

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JJ Hawkins

Totally my fault people. It will be up later tonight.

May 08 2008 at 2:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to JJ Hawkins's comment

Thanks JJ. I'm looking forward to your comments about the Panel calling Dom out for looking "tranny". Her reaction to that was a Kodak Moment. Now if we can get rid of Fatima and all those capped teeth it would be priceless. To see Dom go before Whitney was great. To see Fatima go before Whitney would be perfect.

May 08 2008 at 7:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

It better not be another "TV Squad Daily" fiasco.

May 08 2008 at 1:35 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

What happened to the recaps of last week and this week? Dom is finally gone and there were some classic lines from the Panel on this weeks show. I was SO looking forward to your review this week (and last week).

May 08 2008 at 8:57 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to gillygirl's comment

So was I. I keep checking back but NOTHING.

May 08 2008 at 1:30 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I loved me some Lauren. Girl was funny , fearless (at least outside of panel) and provided some needed diversion throughout her time. Granted, it was either going to be the first fake CG commercial or the go-sees abroad that would be her undoing, but, by her own admission, she was surprised that she got as far as she did; maybe Tyra was keeping her around to make an example of her at panel. As far as people slamming her for giving up or whining about being in Italy, you try being sequestered with a bunch of screaming women all day long. I would have wanted to ditch them and go on the sightseeing tour by myself too. Fatima's commercial gave me the creeps, Whitney's - WTF?!, and outside of Katarzyna, it seemed like nobody, Lauren included, really tried very hard to pull it off. For the director to say that Fatima was a "goddess," really annoyed me no end. Man, if he only knew...

Good blogging. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself about not spreading the ebola virus throughout Rome. Apparently your mojo was enough to send Fatima to a sick bed - it just wasn't strong enough to send her home.

April 27 2008 at 3:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Was I the only one that noticed a little tension between Tyra & Paulina during judging? When they were talking about Whitney's commercial at the beginning of the judging Paulina said that Whitney was fake and Tyra jumped up and disagreed. I thought that was pretty interesting. Paulina didn't back down and stood up to Tyra. Tyra is looking like an argumentative beyotch more than usual.

April 27 2008 at 1:27 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Again - you've got to write the recap after the show. Take notes, but don't type the recap as you're watching. It's too disjointed and contradictory.

Fatima impressed me this week. She was amazing. Katarzyna was funny, and way to take direction (I mean that sincerely). Anya was sweet and that might help her get to the end. Loved that Mr. Jay called Dominique "a brother" in judging.

The final two and the result were obvious. I predicted this week would be Lauren's turn and still think that Whitney will go next week, though it could be Dominique. Those two will be the bottom two, leaving Anya, Katarzyna and Fatima. I probably already stated this prediction (and it's no revelation as we're down to 5), but Anya & Katarzyna are the final two.

April 25 2008 at 3:17 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
rick cokely

I think we should start calling Ayna "Janice" after that Muppet singer in "Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem". I swear they talk exactly alike! "Like yaaaaaa, I fell on mah face and it was like so saaaad maaaaan."

April 25 2008 at 9:56 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

For the love of God, could some one please feed Fatima. Her clavicles scare me. Anya is skinny too, but she's not scary. I love her because she brought Fatima food.

April 24 2008 at 7:03 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I was kinda glad Dominique didn't get eliminated earlier. That CoverGirl commercial was priceless.

And I was not one bit surprised when I saw the new Tyra Mail was Tyra's face as the Mona Lisa.

April 24 2008 at 6:35 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Alright, so I checked this show out for the first (and last) time.
Tyra is such a stuck up, arrogant idiot. She just had to mention that several times "This event was world famous, and I WALKED IT FOUR TIMES." Who freaking cares? I understand it's her show, but really, no one's watching the show for her. What a moron.

April 24 2008 at 6:01 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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