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October 8, 2015

The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award: Call for Considerations

by Jay Black, posted May 23rd 2008 9:55AM
This award is beautiful! What is it! Velvet?I'm in Los Angeles right now. From my observations: everyone is perfect looking, the weather is always beautiful, and everyone drives everywhere despite the fact that gas is approximately eleventy billion dollars a gallon and it doesn't appear that anyone is actually, you know, working. LA doesn't exist in any kind of recognizable reality. Let's put it this way: if the guys in Plato's cave were to figure out that the figures being cast onto their walls came from the Sunset Strip, they'd probably opt to stay chained up.

It stands to reason, then, that any genre springing to life in such an environment would bear no resemblance to what the rest of the world calls "reality". TV Squad therefore presents its first annual The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award, recognizing those shows that in no way reflect a life that any human being on the planet is actually living but, for some reason, call themselves "reality shows."

If this category were a bible story, it'd be the one with the fish and the loaves: it's an idea that never stops giving. I'm excited to see what you guys come up with because I'm positive that my top five "reality shows that don't actually reflect reality" merely scratches the surface of ridiculous. Your nominations + YouTube = Happy Jay.

Here are my preliminary choices:

1. Tila Tequila. Remember that girl who hooked up with other girls at parties because for some reason it made guys go "wooooo!"? Well, apparently that's a TV show now.

2. Flava of Love. Has ever an artist responsible for an achievement as powerful as Fear of a Black Planet ever fallen so far? This show is like watching Picasso sell caricatures at the beach.

3. Farmer Takes a Wife. I had to review this for TV Squad, so I'm intimately familiar with how terrible it is. Apparently all it takes for city women to fall in love with a farmer is seeing him once with his shirt off.

4. Last Comic Standing. This show is to being a stand-up what Homeboys in Outer Space is to being an astronaut.

5. The Real World. Remember when this show was a bold experiment in capturing the way people interact with one another? Well, now it's a bold experiment in capturing all the ways twentysomethings interact with margaritas!

This is only a temporary list. Let me know what you think are the least real reality shows in the comments!

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The Moment of Truth. Duh, America, the contestants know what questions that will be asked because they took the lie detector test before the show! The whole show is so contrived it's unbelievable. I despair that America has embraced this show.

May 26 2008 at 8:08 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The Scott Baio series'. Those voiceovers are horrible and his friends who are in the show are part of the production team.

May 24 2008 at 10:06 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Never watched the hills, but Work Out is pretty phony.

May 24 2008 at 1:51 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Sam's comment

using the word "phony" just made think of a better name for this category: "The Holden Caulfield Award"

May 24 2008 at 1:53 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The Hills

May 23 2008 at 11:59 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The Hills!

May 23 2008 at 11:57 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The Hills...I don't watch but some of my friends do and I just. don't. get. it.

May 23 2008 at 11:39 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Matt H.

I must say The Hills is the most scripted "reality" show even though I watch every episode. At this point I think I only watch it to laugh at how set up every sitution is. Also, your descriptions of Tila Tequila and The Real World are dead on. I tried to watch 10 minutes of the new season of the real world last night but the people were unbearable.

May 23 2008 at 11:10 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The Hills... It's definitely my guilty pleasure, and i do "believe" that all that drama really does happen, but c'mon... at least introduce LC to some friends that can actually act a little bit.

May 23 2008 at 10:17 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
James T

I have to completely agree with you on the LCS portion. Let's just say last night was a disgrace to stand-up comics all around the world. I did see one amazing comic on there who was damn good looking... I wonder who that might have been.............

May 23 2008 at 10:05 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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