Five horrible TV theme song lyrics - VIDEOS
I was reading Brad's post about bad superhero shows, and the site he linked to picked the Cathy Lee Crosby version of Wonder Woman, which I think is silly. It was much better than the Lynda Carter version and was smart enough to use an instrumental theme song, not one with lyrics. When you try to put lyrics to a superhero show theme song, the results are usually very bad.
Here are my choices for five horrible lyrics from TV theme songs. I'm not saying these are the worst. Maybe this could be a regular feature. There are so many to choose from, but these really stand out. (I did a similar post a couple of years ago, but it was strictly bizarre lyrics, not necessarily "bad" ones. The list needs to be updated, especially since I didn't include the number one choice.)
1. "In your satin tights/Fighting for your rights." (Wonder Woman). Yeah, Lynda Carter was hot and everything, but there's no excusing this abomination of a lyric. I mean, it's beyond camp, and makes me think that whoever thought of it was trying to think of something to rhyme with "rights" (since Wonder Woman was a patriotic heroine) and said to himself, "hey, she wears tights! And it rhymes!" The whole line is "In your satin tights/fighting for your rights/and the old red, white, and bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuuuuuuuuue! Get us out from under/Wonder Woman!"
It was close, picking this line. I could have picked "Make a hawk a dove/stop a war with love/make a liar tell the truth!"
2. "I want/I want/I want Charles in Charge of me." (Charles in Charge). Jesus. This is one of the more creepy TV theme songs, with a girl singing about how "there's a new boy in the neighborhood" and he's "in charge of our days and our nights" and "that other girl totally lied when she said he attacked her." OK, that last line isn't in the song, but it very well could have been. Hey, Scott Baio factors in two of these five picks! I haven't heard the theme song to his reality show.
3. "She's fantastic/Made of plastic/Microchips here and there/She's a small wonder/Brings love and laughter everywhere." (Small Wonder). OK, so she's a little girl robot, and the songwriter must have thought...microchips! She must have microchips, right? And they're everywhere! This show is on the worst list of many people, and every time I see the opening below I think it looks like a satire of a TV show opening and theme song.
4. "You look at me/And suddenly I'm captured in your eyes." (Joanie Loves Chachi). Hey, from strictly a physical standpoint, you can't argue with that line. When a person looks at another person, they are indeed captured in their eyes. So I'll give the song credit for being scientifically accurate. But my God, the line is like something out of a bad romance novel (or the American Idol songwriting contest). Take a look at the opening below (it starts around 5:40). It's truly one of the worst openings ever, more suitable for a beauty pageant or maybe a tampon commercial.5. "Is he strong?/Listen, bud/He's got radioactive blood." (Spider-Man). They had to get the "radioactive blood" part in there, so they went with "bud?" OK, it was the '60s, but still. The lyrics also say that to Spider-Man, "life is a great big bang up." What exactly does this mean?