Super Skank Wednesday: A list for your consideration
After the jump, I have a list for you. I call it, "The 10 Most Fabulous Flavorettes and Rockettes." Not those Rockettes. Not the ones who kick really high and line-up in different formations and perform at Radio City. Bret's Rockettes! Okay, it's a bad name, but what else do I call them (especially when Flav refers to his skanks as "Flavorettes")?
Let's chat for a moment first. There's nothing all that skanky on TV lately. Miss Rap Supreme has disappointed in the drama department. Flavor of Love is officially over. Rock of Love has been over. And VH1 hasn't started its tour de force of skank for the summer yet. I plan on covering I Love Money, New York Goes to Hollywood, and Brooke Knows Best. I'll probably watch Luke's Parental Advisory and The Cho Show too. But Margaret Cho is fabulous, not skanky.
Until then, what should I watch? Do you have any suggestions? I'm thinking Living Lohan and Denise Richards: It's Complicated. I winced when I saw that Dina Lohan has her own show. Do you know that the Lohans live really close to my family? It's sad. I'm kind of ashamed. I hope no one I love gets a rash.
As for Denise Richards, I'm not entirely sure that she'll be entertaining. She's kind of bland. And what is so complicated? Is it being pretty? Being rich? Being famous? Oh, I know. Maybe it's that she was married to a degenerate gambler and then rebounded with her best friend's ex-husband. By the way, is it gambling with Charlie Sheen? Or is it crack? No, crack is Bobby Brown's vice, right? Speaking of shows I miss, I can just hear Whitney saying "Crack is WHACK" right now.
Anyway, your thoughts are much appreciated. It was a SSW reader who first mentioned The Bad Girls Club and I am ever-grateful.
Here's my list...
10. Hotlanta: She had to get checked for Herpes on the show. Anyone who gets checked for the jerps on national television and still stays to compete for the love of a has-been rapper is fabulous. Also, fabulous was Hotlanta's considerable drinking. I loved her confessionals. She hiccuped the whole time and would laugh about it like "Tee hee, I only had this much to drink." She even showed up at her own wedding (well, fake celebreality wedding) drunk and blurped in Flav's face during the vows.
9. Buckeey: Always scheming with her girl Bootz, Buckeey caught my attention when she tried to push Krazy off the balcony. Buckeey came back for Charm School; this time using her real name, Shay. However, this time around, Shay showed us that she was truly fabulous and even had a hand in picking the final two contestants.
8. Lacey: She's definitely the most evil on this list but Lacey did add to the level of amusement on Rock of Love 1. When her father arrived, we were treated to just how psychotic Lacey really was.
7. Hottie: Remember that first time Hottie was alone with Flav? She whipped off her robe to reveal very large, very unbridled boobs. Yeah, I can't forget that either. It gives me bad dreams. But, Hottie was fabulous. She was a caricature more than a real person. Even Mo'Nique pointed it out at the Charm School reunion. She told Hottie that she plays a character as Hottie blinked wildly and looked completely confused.
6. Daisy: Speaking of psychos, this girl is completely unhinged...in a fabulous way, of course. Bret broke her already broken little heart when he chose Ambre during the finale of Rock of Love 2. Heroine chic, reminiscent of a Fraggle, and a complete imbecile -- I don't think anyone will forget Daisy.
5. Buckwild: The contrived accent is the best part about Buckwild. She's a funny girl to begin with. Add the accent and she's over-the-top. I love how Flav called her out on season 2 of Flavor of Love.
4. Shy: I was so sad when Shy left this season. She was the best thing that happened to Flavor of Love 3. "They call me Shy-Shein cause I heal your heart and I take away the PAIN!" It's a little sad I remember that. Viva la Shy-town!
3. Angelique: Maybe I should have put Angelique at number one. She's my favorite. From the subtitles for her outrageous accent to the fun times on the stripper pole, Angelique provided much of the laughter on Rock of Love 2. I know it's little, but here's my favorite Angelique move. She and Inna took their chairs and put them in front of the other girls who got dressed up to wait for Bret's return.
2. Heather Chadwell: She's definitely the biggest bad-ass to ever grace the celebreality world. And she's still the best woman for Bret. I would say Heather should've won Rock of Love 1 but I think you know, if she did, Rock of Love 2 would have never happened. My favorite Heather moment? It's not when she gave Daisy a beat down at the reunion. I loved when she threw a bottle of water at Daisy in the hotel.
1. New York: How could number one not be Tiffany "New York" Pollard? What a woman! She's the girl who put Flavor of Love on the map. Sure, Flav is great. But, New York caused so much drama. She was the skank you loved to hate. Even when Pumkin spit on her, I was like, 'yep, she deserved that one.' Not that I advocate spitting; I think it's disgusting. I would have more respect for Pumkin if she hit New York. But, I have to admit, I didn't feel bad for New York either. But then, in the turn-around-of-the-century, I fell in love with New York when she got her own show. Okay, turn-around-of-the-century is a little hyperbolic. But, I even felt bad for New York when Tango left her at the reunion. "No one treats New York like that," I said indignantly as I waved my finger in the air. This summer New York is getting another show, New York Goes to Hollywood. I'm there.
So, did I get it right? Who did I miss? Who should have been number one?