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October 4, 2015

The It's a Paycheck Award: Winner - VIDEO

by Debra McDuffee, posted Jun 6th 2008 11:59PM
James Woods, actorIt's been a long road for the deserving It's a Paycheck Award nominees; the honor of just being nominated, balanced with the drive to win it all. The backstabbing, the name-calling, the public humiliation. And that's just what the team here at TV Squad went through to choose the winner.

I jest, but it was a tight race between the two nominees you readers thought should win. So who came out on top -- Alec Baldwin, who successfully reinvented himself as a comedic TV actor, or James Woods, the essentially big screen actor who uncharacteristically starred in his own TV series? The envelope please ...

And the winner is ... James Woods!

Gallery: James Woods

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If James were here, his acceptance speech might go something like this: Thank you. I am both honored and mortified to receive this not-so-distinguished award for my surprising and short starring role on my TV series, Shark.

And you know what? You people are right; I really was slumming it. TV is way beneath me, and I lobbied for this series because I needed a steady paycheck. The video game voice work (
Kingdom Hearts, Scarface, Surf's Up) doesn't pay what you'd think, even to a seasoned dramatic actor such as myself.

How did I feel about slumming it on TV? To tell you the truth, not so good. Sure, America could choose to look at mostly me for one hour each week, but really, it was a lot of work. Perhaps it was not as embarrassing as my voices for the animated Hades in
House of Mouse (hey, all the big stars are doing it today), but was a TV series really worthy of me, the huge box office success, star of Once Upon a Time in America with the legendary Robert De Niro, thank you very much, and True Crime with the manly Clint Eastwood? I suppose it wouldn't be right to list my biggest accomplishments without a shout-out to Ghosts of Mississippi with my fellow nominee, none other than Alec Baldwin. Sorry Alec, you are just too good on 30 Rock to be considered a slummer, like me.

Heck, I was even in
The Way We Were with Streisand and Redford, and director Sydney Pollack listened to me, respected me, and integrated my ideas into his film. Sure, I was only Streisand's chum in the film, not a major role, but I shaped and formed the quality of the study scene in the library. I wasn't originally in that scene, but I convinced Pollack that it would be more powerful for me to be mooning over Babs while she was gaping adoringly at Redford. And again, you got to see more of me; win-win.

So now, I am wondering what you people at TV Squad were really trying to say when I won this award. Because I was nominated for two Oscars, you know, and yeah, I didn't win, but I do have 17 other awards and 18 more nominations to my credit, so I am used to being a winner.

Did you see me in
The Onion Field? I mean really. I'm good.

OK, that was a lovely speech, James, but the music has been playing over your moving words for quite some time now, so put a sock in it already.

Seriously, I was just having a little fun and I do not mean to discredit James Woods in any way. I don't know enough about him or his ego to intimate that his "speech" has anything to do with reality.

I will leave you with this actual, non-fiction quote from Woods, controversial as it may be:
"Shark came at a time when I didn't really need the work at all. I didn't take it for the money. I live a very modest life. I don't want a private jet. I'm just a non material guy." Methinks thou dost protest too much, James?

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The It's A Paycheck Award
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The Brought To You By TV Squad Award
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The Arrested Development Award
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The Put Me Out Of This Misery Award
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The Good Riddance Award
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The Reality Shows Have Writers!? Award
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The Jeopardy Award
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The What the *#@#%! Were They Thinking Award
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The Adam Finley Award
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The Nuttiest Fans Award
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The Excellence in Outsourcing Award
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The Most Real Unreal Award

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