An open letter to Katherine Heigl
Hey Miss Heigl,
How's it going? Good I hope! You must be enjoying the off-season, huh? I bet you can't wait to get back into production for Grey's Anatomy though. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're a really good person. You seem awfully nice and it's very admirable the way you stand up for things you believe in.
You held your own against Isaiah Washington and stood up for your friend T.R. Knight when Washington's hateful words stunned us all. You even spoke out against the sexist undertones of Knocked Up, a film you starred in no less!
Since you seem so nice, I'm wondering if you could do me a small favor. I need a few thousand bucks to cover some recent medical costs. See, I sprained a muscle in my neck real bad a few days ago. How'd it happen you ask?
From craning to get a glimpse of your self-righteous mug way up on top of that high horse of yours.
I just don't get it. Did you actually think that there would be any sort of positive reaction when you decided to pull your name from this year's Emmy consideration? How cocky is that? I mean, if you were so convinced that the talented writers behind Grey's Anatomy had done you such a disservice, then why bother pulling out at all? If your top-notch gut instinct was right, you wouldn't have gotten a nomination anyway!
Now you've put yourself in a situation where you have to abide by the McDonald's Rule: don't piss off the people behind the counter unless you want to find a big wad of hacked-up snot buried between the patties of your Big Mac.
The thing is, you loved that Big Mac last year! You shoveled it down with the gusto of a fat kid swimming through a sea of Mrs. Butterworth's. And your hard work paid off. Even though the PA announcer said your name wrong, you still walked on stage and had an Emmy handed to you. Congratulations Miss "My name is actually pronounced Hi-gil." Frankly, I've always thought you should add the missing vowel.
So what changed? Last I checked, you hadn't exactly enjoyed fame and fortune in the past and perhaps that's the problem. But hey, what do I know? I'm sure there are lots of people out there clamoring for a Roswell reunion.
Here's what I do know. You've been handed the opportunity of a lifetime. You star in one of the most highly regarded medical dramas in ages. You've won a freakin' Emmy. And now you're going to talk trash about the very people who helped you get it? It's not up to you to decide whether or not you're worthy to get a second one. Personally, I didn't think Grey's was half bad this season. Certainly not the best, but your storyline dealing with Alex and Ava/Rebecca near the end of it was one of the better threads we got! Would you prefer that your character was still mired in all that Denny Duquette crap?
The short answer to all of this is that you've lost a lot of respect from just about everyone. Fellow actors, producers, studio execs, and yes - writers. You may not have been dropping offensive gay slurs like your buddy Isaiah, but you've officially generated just as much negative publicity as he has. So congrats on that. Also, enjoy your Emmy. It's probably the only one you'll ever win because I can't think of anyone who's going to want to give you a quality storyline on any show at this point. If you do stick around on Grey's though, our friend Ken Levine makes a fine point: get ready to give a lot of enemas.
Honestly, I think you need to stay. You'll save face and hopefully make an attempt to prove people wrong about who you are because let's be honest here - you're officially typecast. You play the crazy bitch. On TV, you're the kook who falls in love with hospital patients. On the big-screen, you get preggers and flip out or you hoard bridesmaid dresses. Granted, there is a huge market for this role: lovable crack-head with a heart of... crack; goofy girl-next-door with a lisp. I'm serious here! You could really give Anna Faris a run for her money! Just don't think that a career move like that is going to bump you from Emmy to Oscar territory.
Now if you'll excuse me, not only does my neck still hurt, but my wrists and fingers are sore too.
With warmest regards,