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October 9, 2015

GOB: The B-Roll

by Kristin Sample, posted Jun 13th 2008 3:21PM
GOB So, after three seasons of GOB's greatest moments, I found I had so much more to say about my favorite character. GOB has so many great lines over the course of three seasons of Arrested Development. Furthermore, Will Arnett does an incredible job with the delivery. To finish off my tribute to GOB, I compiled a list of some of my favorite lines from the show. One could even say it's the final countdown.

After the jump, you have "GOB: The B-Roll." Let the eldest Bluth take you through important matters like race, women, business affairs, and family.

GOB on his brother Michael

from "Top Banana"
"Michael, having a nice day at he beach? While the rest of us are busting our asses to deliver your mail?"

from "Bringing Up Buster"
"Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision or is it personal? Because if it's business, I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away, but I won't be happy." --To Michael, sitting in the copy room in his bathrobe and putting slices of bread in the paper shredder.

from "Charity Drive"
"My brother. Michael. My own selfish brother. Michael. Selfish Michael." --after Michael won't let him have a free frozen banana

from "My Mother, The Car"
"You don't hate me. Mom hates me. You kind of like me." --To Michael who has just been in a car accident

"I was halfway to South America but I couldn't let you [Lucille] get away with it. Cause we're brothers, Mom. And we kind of like each other." --To his mother, accusing her of tricking Michael into thinking that the car accident was Michael's fault.

from "Altar Egos"
"Come on Michael! How many times are you going to screw up before the rest of the family sees you for the screw-up that you are?

from "Pier Pressure"
Michael: "In return I have to ask you for a favor sometime."
GOB: "My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry."

from "Exit Strategy"
"Maybe you don't have enough RAM to understand this Michael but there's such a thing as brotherly love. What's he [Buster] doing here? I thought he was in a coma."

GOB on his magic

from "Top Banana"
"You didn't eat that did you?" --To Michael, asking after the dead dove GOB left in the fridge

from "Missing Kitty"
"Any magician can make a Queen of Diamonds disappear. What about a whole BOAT?"

from "Switch Hitter"
"I'm making a magic video. I'm taping myself doing tricks around the office. I'm calling it Tricks...let me finish...Around the Office."

GOB and the sensitive issue of race

from "Bringing Up Buster"
Lucille: "Staying here? What did that Mexican throw you out?
GOB: "She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. Anyway it's over."
Lucille: "You've got three days."
GOB: "Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here."

from "Mr. F."
"Maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city. Put it outside their window. Tell them it's far away. It'll look real if they squint. God knows they're squinters."

GOB and his mother

from "Bringing Up Buster"
"It was utterly macabre." --On living with his mother for a few days.

GOB on religion

from "Justice is Blind"
GOB: "Oh, now you love the ten commandments. Yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father. And honor no one above him unless it beeth me, thy sweet lord."
Michael: "I don't think that one made it down the mountain, GOB."

from "Switch Hitter"
"Unless [George-Michael] knocks her up like you did with his mother. Plus, she's religious. That one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant."

GOB on women

from "Notapusy"
"The first place chick is hot but has a bad attitude. Doesn't date magicians. Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem. So I step in and uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head."

from "Storming the Castle"
Michael, refering to GOB's Saw the Woman in Half illusion: "But, you're sleeping around on Marta with those legs?"
GOB: "Michael, please the legs are insanely jealous."

from "In God We Trust"
Marta: "Te quiero."
GOB: "English please."
Marta: "I Love You."
GOB: "Great. Now I'm late."

GOB on business

from "Switch Hitter"
"You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come On!" --GOB on Stan Sitwell

from "Switch Hitter"
Sitwell to Michael and GOB: "The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner-city."
GOB: "That's great so the other 449 families live in fear. Is that what we're saying? I mean, COME ON!"

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^^Yeah, I've watched the episodes with Will Arnett in. Makes me sad tho, as I'm just thinking: 'AD could still be on the air'. Still, glad to see him somewhere!

June 14 2008 at 10:46 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

GOB: "I had sex. It was disgusting."
NARRATOR: "He didn't, but it would have been!"

GOB: "I had sex"
NARRATOR: "But he didn't really"
GOB: "Yes I did"

"So this is how you repay me for how I repay you"


"What sort of name is that, MAGAZINE"

"You're as cold as Ice, willing to sacrifice..."

"I've made a huge tiny mistake."

On sex: "What do you mean?... Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. I didn't get any complaints, at least not from the girl. And he had to drive her home, so I think I did pretty good, pretty good."

Michael: Everything ok?
GOB: I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over my 2600 dollar pants.
Michael: Oh, yea, you think they'll go right for the pants do you? Come on.
GOB: [excessively exasperated] Ohkay ohkay. so should-should-should should-should should should should shouldy-should-should *gasp* should. should-y-should.

Michael: Where's Sitwell?
Gob: Sorry, I told him to screw off. But get this, he offered me a job!
Michael: -What?
[flashback to ealier that day]
Sitwell: You were right. It was a bad deal, and you were smart enough not to take it. You've got gumption, and that means you're good enough to work for me.
Gob: *bleep* you!
[return to present]
Gob: [to Michael] and I accepted!

"Nobody makes a fool out of our family without my help"

"So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already!"

"This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in *bleep* City."

"That's me your honour, I *bleep*ed my wife!"

Michael: Hey. Maybe the reason I didn't say anything was because I didn't want to embarrass you. It's my favorite, favorite record.
GOB: Well then you. You *bleeped* up. Because I am so embarrassed! [sobbing]
Michael: It's a good CD, it's a really good CD.
GOB: I can't believe that you love it!
Michael: I love it so much.
GOB: [sobbing] [grabs Michael's hand] Oh god.. oh god, look at us! Crying like a couple a' girls.
Michael: Aww. Well you're the only one crying...but I love the music.
GOD: And the card with your face on it?

My opinion? Any 'Best Ever Character' list in the future is flawed if GOB is not in the Top 5. Possibly the best character in possible the best show.

June 13 2008 at 7:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Edd's comment
jeff stiefer

>"What sort of name is that, MAGAZINE"

do you watch 30 Rock? Arnett did a version of this joke where he was pitching tv on cellphones for some NBC execs and he says "Thanks, PHONE!" It made me think of that AD joke instantly.

Will Arnett is the best thing to happen to 30 Rock since Alec decided to stay.

June 13 2008 at 11:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Lemon Lyman

Oh come on!

June 13 2008 at 4:43 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I always loved when he is cutting the ribbon on the fake house he says:
"My brother wasn't optimistic that it could be done, but I wasn't going to take 'wasn't optimistic that it could be done' for an answer."
What a great show!

June 13 2008 at 4:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Ive made a huge mistake

June 13 2008 at 4:22 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

You missed the best opening line of any character on any TV show ever
"Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money"

That is how we are introduced to GOB in the first episode.

June 13 2008 at 3:43 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
2 replies to khamel's comment
Justin McGuirk

or candy!

June 13 2008 at 4:22 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Kristin Sample

That is the best line ever. But I believe I mentioned it in my first GOB's Greatest Moments list. I wanted to hit on some stuff that I didn't have room for in the Greatest Moments pieces.

June 13 2008 at 8:28 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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