GOB on his brother Michael

from "Top Banana"
"Michael, having a nice day at he beach? While the rest of us are busting our asses to deliver your mail?"

from "Bringing Up Buster"
"Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision or is it personal? Because if it's business, I'll go away happily. But if it's personal, I'll go away, but I won't be happy." --To Michael, sitting in the copy room in his bathrobe and putting slices of bread in the paper shredder.

from "Charity Drive"
"My brother. Michael. My own selfish brother. Michael. Selfish Michael." --after Michael won't let him have a free frozen banana

from "My Mother, The Car"
"You don't hate me. Mom hates me. You kind of like me." --To Michael who has just been in a car accident

"I was halfway to South America but I couldn't let you [Lucille] get away with it. Cause we're brothers, Mom. And we kind of like each other." --To his mother, accusing her of tricking Michael into thinking that the car accident was Michael's fault.

from "Altar Egos"
"Come on Michael! How many times are you going to screw up before the rest of the family sees you for the screw-up that you are?

from "Pier Pressure"
Michael: "In return I have to ask you for a favor sometime."
GOB: "My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry."

from "Exit Strategy"
"Maybe you don't have enough RAM to understand this Michael but there's such a thing as brotherly love. What's he [Buster] doing here? I thought he was in a coma."

GOB on his magic

from "Top Banana"
"You didn't eat that did you?" --To Michael, asking after the dead dove GOB left in the fridge

from "Missing Kitty"
"Any magician can make a Queen of Diamonds disappear. What about a whole BOAT?"

from "Switch Hitter"
"I'm making a magic video. I'm taping myself doing tricks around the office. I'm calling it Tricks...let me finish...Around the Office."

GOB and the sensitive issue of race

from "Bringing Up Buster"
Lucille: "Staying here? What did that Mexican throw you out?
GOB: "She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. Anyway it's over."
Lucille: "You've got three days."
GOB: "Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here."

from "Mr. F."
"Maybe that's it. Maybe we should do to the Japanese what they do in their movies. Build a miniature city. Put it outside their window. Tell them it's far away. It'll look real if they squint. God knows they're squinters."

GOB and his mother

from "Bringing Up Buster"
"It was utterly macabre." --On living with his mother for a few days.

GOB on religion

from "Justice is Blind"
GOB: "Oh, now you love the ten commandments. Yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father. And honor no one above him unless it beeth me, thy sweet lord."
Michael: "I don't think that one made it down the mountain, GOB."

from "Switch Hitter"
"Unless [George-Michael] knocks her up like you did with his mother. Plus, she's religious. That one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant."

GOB on women

from "Notapusy"
"The first place chick is hot but has a bad attitude. Doesn't date magicians. Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem. So I step in and uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head."

from "Storming the Castle"
Michael, refering to GOB's Saw the Woman in Half illusion: "But, you're sleeping around on Marta with those legs?"
GOB: "Michael, please the legs are insanely jealous."

from "In God We Trust"
Marta: "Te quiero."
GOB: "English please."
Marta: "I Love You."
GOB: "Great. Now I'm late."

GOB on business

from "Switch Hitter"
"You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come On!" --GOB on Stan Sitwell

from "Switch Hitter"
Sitwell to Michael and GOB: "The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner-city."
GOB: "That's great so the other 449 families live in fear. Is that what we're saying? I mean, COME ON!"