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April 17, 2014

Where Are They Now: The Legion of Doom

by Keith McDuffee, posted Jun 20th 2008 10:01AM
legion of doom
Do not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

When the Super Friends cartoons involving the Legion of Doom had finished, what did the 13 Doomsters do with their time? Rich had some thoughts on what the Super Friends had going on. Forgetting anything that happened in later comic books and other shows involving the characters, here's what might have happened to the Legion ...

cheetahCheetah
-- After losing all but one of her outfits to a PETA raid on the Hall of Doom, Cheetah opened her own strip-o-gram company in Las Vegas and worked part-time as an Eartha Kitt impersonator for 12 years. She eventually ran into Lex Luthor during a sales convention in town at the Trump Towers. During a night of reminiscing and much drinking, the two married at the Quick-E-Wed Chapel. Two days later Cheetah filed for divorce and won 50% of the remainder of Luthor's assets. With LexCorp dissolved, that amount totaled approximately $500.

riddlerRiddler
-- Ashamed about being portrayed by Jim Carrey in Batman Forever, Riddler reportedly lived with Scarecrow for a year where he committed himself to writing his memoirs. Unfortunately, publishers were unable to commit to selling his completed works, as they could not decipher anything he had written. He met author Dan Brown in 1995 during a hiking trip in New Hampshire's White Mountains, where the two got to discussing writing. Riddler claimed in a 2001 lawsuit (see 'Riddler vs. Brown') that it was the basis of this conversation that led to the riddles found in Brown's best-selling novel, The Da Vinci Code. Riddler was found in contempt for not attending court in proper attire, and the case was ultimately dismissed. He now works for Hallmark writing his own line of greeting cards.

solomon grundySolomon Grundy -- Grundy briefly made guest appearances as various monsters on Scooby Doo. He now owns three Casual Male big & tall clothing stores in Chicago. Apache Chief is secretly one of his best customers.

black mantaBlack Manta -- Manta turned to a career in acting once the Legion had dissolved. After starring in bit parts and commercials for aquariums and laundry detergent, he was offered a recurring role in the Smallville spin-off, Aquaman. The show never moved forward, and he gave up his acting career. Manta currently resides in Orlando, Florida, where he works as a new attraction in the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride. He was still forced to shave off his unseen beard.

groddGorilla Grodd -- Grodd lost his ability to speak in a workplace mishap when one of Toyman's contraptions accidentally discharged during setup of the Hall of Doom's closing fire sale. He won a multi-million dollar settlement against The Legion of Doom as a result. A year later he was mistaken as an escaped zoo attraction before settlement could be awarded. He now resides in the San Diego Zoo where he has mastered sign language and is reportedly making plans to take control of the zoo with fellow zoomates BoBo and Zeke.

bizarroBizarro
-- Bizarro lives in a rent-controlled studio apartment in northern Vermont. He was officially accepted as a new member of Howard Stern's "whack pack" in mid-2006. His most popular phony phone call involves calling Lex Luthor and having him believe the Legion of Doom is getting back together.

captain coldCaptain Cold -- Due to the increased effects of global warming, Captain Cold's cold gun lost much of its power and, rather than having the ability to freeze, can "still make you really, seriously freakin' cold!" (quote: Captain Cold, 1999.) During a publicity event in downtown Anchorage, Captain Cold caught the attention of the Diageo company, where he was asked to help market a new brand of Captain Morgan spiced rum. The new product will be called Captain Morgan Cold Harbour and, using Captain Cold's technology, will keep cold even in the trunk of an overheating Buick, in New Mexico, with the heat on, in July.

gigantaGiganta
-- Giganta tried out as a center for the 1997 WNBA draft and was a first round pick for the New York Liberty. Her signature move was the "Lady Liberty" where she was able to dunk a basketball without either foot leaving the floor. She was able to hide her superpowers until 1999 when, in the excitement of game 7 of the WNBA finals, she accidentally grew to 20-feet tall trying to prevent a winning shot from the opposing team. WNBA officials ruled that, since performance-enhancing powder "of an unknown substance" was used to gain advantage, Giganta should be fined and dismissed from the league. Her current whereabouts are unknown.

sinestroSinestro
-- After losing his power ring in a high-stakes poker game, Sinestro worked as a Maitre D at the Pierre Gagnaire in Paris. After leading a normal, crime-free life for three years, he was mistakenly identified as Sir Charles Lytton, a.k.a. the Phantom, by Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau and is currently serving jail time. An appeal is pending.

scarecrowScarecrow
-- After leaving the Legion, Scarecrow moved in with fellow villain Riddler for a brief period. He became so depressed with his living conditions that he became obsessed with watching reality shows on television. Desperate to make a name for himself again, he auditioned for a new show titled Celebrity Survivor. During his flight to the filming location, a canister of his fear gas he had secretly stowed away in his luggage accidentally exploded in the cabin, causing all passengers and crew to become crippled with fear, eventually causing the plane to crash into the Pacific Ocean. Celebrity Survivor was canceled as a result.

lex luthorLex Luthor -- During his time with the Legion, Luthor siphoned money from his company, LexCorp, in order to finance the Legion of Doom and his obsession with world dominance. In the final months of the Legion's existence, LexCorp went bankrupt and was eventually bought out. Luthor was forced to move from his posh residence in Metropolis to an apartment in New York City, where he's employed as Vice President of Takeovers and Acquisitions at the newly formed company, TrumpCorp.

toymanToyman
-- Toyman's post-Legion activity was brief. Upon learning that a new line of Super Friends and Hall of Doom action figures would not include his likeness, he was overcome with grief. He was eventually found asphyxiated in an alley outside the Hasbro headquarters. The only evidence of the cause of his death was a nearby bottle of "Toyman's Inescapable Bubbles".

brainiacBrainiac
-- Due to his superior intelligence, Brainiac foresaw the downfall of the Legion of Doom and left early to pursue other interests. In 1995 IBM contracted Brainiac to its original Deep Blue chess computer project where, unbeknownst to the public, he was secretly placed inside a mainframe-style box. IBM fired him after losing to chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1996. His formal excuse for losing was that "it was fricken hot in that thing." He is now a lead programmer for Microsoft.

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C.K. Lichenstein II

While I haven't read all the Super Friends or TV Squad Awards posts, the ones I've read, I've truly enjoyed so I don't think it's being overdone at all.

Keep up the good work.

June 20 2008 at 11:47 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
kel

You can count me as a fan of the Super Friends series of posts. It takes me back to Saturday morning cartoons. If you guys don't like the posts, skip 'em.

June 20 2008 at 11:35 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
keidalgrim

Call me a stick in the mud, but...

What's going on with this site? Over the last coupla months, it seems like it's nothing but SuperFriends or some kind of stupid award thingy. You'd think that this were pretty much all there was to watch on TV.

Maybe it's just a case of the writers of these two particular topics happen to have a case of Hyper-Prolifica. In which case, a little balance would be in order. Space em out, maybe, rather than inundate.

They're cute topics, but Holy Christ, Batman, back em off a little.

Rant over.

June 20 2008 at 10:36 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
3 replies to keidalgrim's comment

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