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September 17, 2014

My favorite monsters from The X-Files

by Paul Goebel, posted Jul 30th 2008 3:41PM

FlukemanDo not adjust your web browser. You are now entering the Retro Squad, where we are reviewing past episodes of classic TV shows.

For the most part The X-Files was an intense character study of two FBI agents struggling with their beliefs in the supernatural, in America and in each other. Sometimes, however, it was just a show about cool monsters. Here are some of my favorites.

Eugene Tooms ("Squeeze," "Tooms")
Tooms was so cool and creepy he had to be brought back for another appearance. What I liked best about Tooms was that he was one of the few monsters that looked totally human but was pure monster. Whether he was eating livers or squeezing through an air vent, Tooms was the first threat on the show to make me believe that monsters might actually exist.

Gallery: Monsters

Greg Pincus ("Folie a Deux")
The scariest thing about Pincus (AKA the giant bug creature) was the fact that he could only be seen by the one guy. As if it isn't bad enough that a giant cockroach is turning your coworkers into zombies, you're also unable to convince anyone that it's happening. You're forced to either sit by and watch or take matters into your own hands and hope that Pincus reverts to his monstrous form after he's dead, so you don't go to prison.

Rob Roberts ("Hungry")
Roberts, like Tooms, looks pretty normal during the day. Unlike Tooms, however, he seems to have a conscience. I think any of us who have been on a diet can identify with an insatiable hunger for meat. In poor Rob's case, it didn't matter how much meat he got, it was never enough.

Flukeman ("The Host")
If you can look at that picture of The Flukeman and not be scared, I want to hire you out as the toughest bodyguard ever. To make matters worse, there's no way to tell exactly how many Flukemen actually exist and they all begin life inside a human body. I don't know about you, but if I was in the shower and a Flukebaby came out of my mouth, I'd be done.

Wayne Weinsider ("Terms of Endearment")
As if a demon from hell isn't scary enough, Wayne has motives that are pretty unique. He wants to get married have a baby and live a normal life. Therein, lies the problem. After watching so many hours of Buffy, Angel and other similarly themed shows, I have a good idea about how to deal with a demon. Unfortunately, if a horned freak like Wayne told me that he wanted nothing more than to "settle down," I'd be stumped as to how to react.

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tpp

Eugene Tooms all the way!

The episode where he oozes through the escalator to escape Scully to his nest was one of the freakiest episodes ever.

(I may remember the scene wrong though)

July 31 2008 at 11:05 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Graeme

I don't remember the episode, but there was one with this little Indian guy with no legs who zooms around on a little skateboard. My wife still refuses to go into the basement at night because of him.

July 31 2008 at 1:24 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bruce

Kathy Griffin played twin monsters (of sort) of the week. She always scares me, no matter what. So even though it was a crappy stupid episode, it had Kathy Griffin in it. Scary!

July 31 2008 at 4:53 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
flitzefisch

I don't knwo if it where the "peacock brothers" from above (not a regular viewer) but the monster that scared me most was the mis builded twin that lived in the belly of his own brother. it escaped trough the dog door every night to find a better host (the brother was ill or alcoholic or something) and killed people while trying to make itself comfortable. this episode took place onto a moving carnival. still have bad dreams about that one. *shudder*

July 31 2008 at 4:11 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
w0p$!m

what about the episode where tony shalhoub's shadows could suck u into a black hole! that was a hella crazy Monster of the Week

July 31 2008 at 3:00 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
treegoat

Don't forget the inbreeds from "Home" - scared me more than Tooms ever could.

July 30 2008 at 11:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
missjamaka10

Dude, you're totally correct!! This is one of my favorite episodes to quote. Especially when my boyfriend and I go to the LA County Fair and see all the fug-munkily fatasses that have been allowed to have kids. I always see the 12 y.-o. kid sliding into the back of the woody station wagon, onto his grandma: "Son, It's just you and me left." AAAAAGHHHH, gross!!

July 30 2008 at 9:15 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
missjamaka10

What about the little turd with the tail?? Just Kidding. The zombie-telemarketer creating bug/manager was actually the creepiest: "See him in the light", or was it out of the light?? Somebody remind me, please.

Bruce Campbell's demon was actually kinds cute, he wanted a normal life??

July 30 2008 at 9:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
rockyOnasis

Mine would have to be the inbred Peacock brothers from "Home" (4.02). It was the only X-Files episode that actually scared me. I challenge anyone to watch the scene where Scully finds the mother and try not to scream. Best episode ever.

July 30 2008 at 8:33 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
tozmervo

The cocoon-weaving green-glowing insects have always stuck with me as being incredibly creepy.

July 30 2008 at 8:31 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to tozmervo's comment
Max

I agree on the glowing things. That ep kept me out of the woods for years.

July 30 2008 at 9:05 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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