(S05E04) Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have witnessed the beginnings of a new low in Project Runway. I don't recall ever seeing a group of designers so completely miss the mark in a challenge. Most of the outfits weren't atrocious as straight-up garments, but in the context of the challenge, all of them were terrible in one way or another.

I think my horror is fully justified, as this is the first challenge in which a freakin' skort was in the top three. A skort. The very thought of a skort makes me want to set a Limited Too alight, so imagine the severe trauma that ensued after I ever-so briefly entertained the idea of America's top athletes representing the country in front of the rest of the world... wearing freakin' skorts. I have a mess to clean up.

The challenge was to design an outfit for America's lady Olympians to wear to the Games' opening ceremonies. Thank goodness this was just an inspiration and the athletes wouldn't have to actually wear the winning creation. The guest judge was super-skater Apolo Ohno. Check out this episode's designs here.

Blayne: So, the boy is breaking down because he hasn't been able to get his tan on. Is he Birdman or something? I'm desperate for this kid to leave. I can't handle him anymore. He's making young folks look bad, just from that horrible Beatles exchange with Tim Gunn. Really, I swear not all of us under-30s are this ignorant. His asymmetrical top looked well-made but it would have been ridiculous on our muscle-y athletes. Plus, the stripes didn't even look like blue and red, but some teal and pink.

Daniel: [ALMOST AUF'D] I'm so disappointed. This cocktail dress was totally inappropriate for the challenge. Plus, it hurt my eyes.

Jennifer: [AUF'D] I guess the people that kept confusing Leanne and Jennifer can kind of rest easy now. She was kicked off for not being able to step outside of her girly tendencies. I really didn't mind her color choices in this outfit, because gold can look very "Yay, America!" if used correctly. If she had added just a wee bit of red, she probably could have gotten away with sliding under the radar.

Jerell: This wasn't the losing outfit? It didn't even make it into the bottom two? This alone was almost enough to make me lose faith in the show. Jerell really screwed up this week. There was nothing good about his creation. There was an ugly hat, an unattractive bow, poorly constructed sleeves, a weird choice of belt, and leggings under a pencil skirt. Who does that? The worst part is that he sounded super-excited about making a hat for the first time. I suggest he stick to his day job. And by "day job", I mean "any job that doesn't involve making hats." I'm really, really disappointed.

Joe: Skort. Oh, my God. Skort. I had to struggle to look past the skort to see the reasonably nice top, because... Man, I hate skorts. This was the only outfit that seemed even remotely appropriate for the Olympics. The part that breaks my heart is that it's actually a really ugly garment. The "USA" along the side is super-tacky and the skort (ugh, I'm sorry) is an incredibly awkward length. But yeah, whatever, I'll give him credit for that zipper trick. That was kind of cool.

Keith: I thought this was kind of cute. Not entirely appropriate, but cute.

Kelli: Mad Men reject. That's all I could think. Ladies with tough, Olympian bodies would look ridiculous in something like this. And the only reason why she didn't get the same crap as Jennifer is that she used red, white, and blue. This outfit was just as girly and inappropriate as the losing one.

Kenley: Yet another inappropriately super-girly outfit. Either none of these people did adequate research or no one was smart enough to apply the new information into their creation. Plus, Kenley has managed to annoy me even more than she already has. The previews for next week do not bode well for me either.

Korto: [WINNER] I could only think of bad Tommy Hilfiger. The light leather idea was great, but it just looked so cheaply made, hanging on the model without any shape or embellishment. And the pants were scarily thin. Was this outfit deserving of a win? Yes, but only in the sense that it wasn't quite as crappy as the other designers' work. In any other challenge, this would have flown right under the radar.

Leanne: This was okay, I suppose. The part around the waist was really unflattering, though.

Stella: Everyone that was watching with me groaned when Stella's model rounded the corner. What drove her to do that ridiculous cut around the belly button? I must know. Really, her choice of black wasn't bad at all, but some of her other decisions were extremely questionable. If she had adjusted the sleeve a bit to look a little less, umm, horrible and fixed the aforementioned crazy belly button cut-out, it would have been a solid outfit for the occasion.

Suede: I don't think Suede referred to himself in the third person in this episode. I consider this a victory. His dress reminded me of this Miu Miu one (I couldn't remember the name, so just check out the third photo here).

Terri: I was waiting for the judges to comment on the state of the model's boobs. They looked like they were about to burst from that super-tight top! It was crazy and no one mentioned it. Instead, they almost let her win! When skinny model boobs come dangerously close to exploding, you know there's something horribly wrong. To give Terri some credit, I could tell where she was coming from. Her idea for the outfit was fantastic, but the execution was rather messy.