Super Skank Wednesday: 12 Pack's Destruction, A Tale of Hubris

After Megan's elimination of Rodeo last week, the blondes met to discuss strategy for how to proceed in the game. Megan, subversive as always, wanted to look out for her showmance WhiteBoy. Other topics up for discussion were the Democratic National Convention, Sara Tancredi's return to Prison Break, and what they would read for next month's book club.

Brandi C: But I heard The Secret Life of Bees was great.
Pumkin: Brandi, please stop pushing for The Secret Life of Bees. We decided on The Red Tent.

The money grubbers got their call from Craig and headed to the beach for their first big solo competition. They would have to stab each other in the back. Well, they would have to throw these awesome ninja stars at paper mache versions of themselves.

Let's stop the story briefly and look at the amazing dolls VH1 came up with for the competition. I know, I know. I'll get to 12 Pack.

First the awesome ninja stars and a safety note. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to let these maniacs throw sharp objects should be fired get a raise.

Now the dummies. There's our boy 12 Pack. How could they forget his ink? Where's his black dragon on his bulging bicep? Where are his bulging biceps?

Here's Megan. The likeness is uncanny, except for the eyes that need to be at least three times smaller.

And then there's Real who looks like a pirate or Little Richard. I love his doll.

Finally we've got WhiteBoy. See how they tried to add his peach fuzz? VH1's blog said that they made him look like a burn victim.

Okay, back to the story. The Entertainer was the first to go. His amazing summer league softball skills came in handy and he landed a knife in Hoopz. He did a celebratory dance to, er, celebrate.
The Entertainer: Yeah Hoopz! And check out my awesome dance. I saw Michael Flatley do this when I took my mom to see Lord of the Dance on Broadway. Bada Bing!

Next up was Pumkin. She put an ax in WhiteBoy and was promised a "special treat" from The Entertainer. I shudder to think how a "special treat" might materialize.

More people threw axes. Toastee missed several times. WhiteBoy was out first. Megan went against her alliance's plan much to the shock of both Brandi C. and her nipples.

Nipples: Did you see that? I can't believe my eyes.
Brandi C.: I know. I'm baffled, girls. Just plain baffled.

In the end, it was our boy 12 Pack, Real, and Toastee. Real put a knife in 12 Pack but it was 12 Pack who decided the next paymaster. His first mistake? Putting a knife in Real and making Toastee, an alcoholic porn star, the paymaster for the night. See, at least 12 Pack knew where Real stood; Real would protect his Stallionaires. But Toastee was a wild card. Still the muscle man opted to give her the win. He was blinded by both his overconfidence and his desire to get WhiteBoy out of the game.

Real: Damn, it's sunny out today.
12 Pack: I need a pedicure.
Toastee: I'm getting a nice tan here.

12 Pack: Alright I won!
Heather: Yay for us! Carry me off the sand. I'm getting it in my toes.
The Entertainer: Carry me too. *whispers* I love you.

While 12 Pack and his crew were celebrating and forgetting that they DIDN'T win, Megan was scheming with her fellow blondes about how to keep WhiteBoy in the house.

Megan: Here's the deal. WhiteBoy needs to stay because he'll protect us. And if he's still here, the two sides of the house will fight. Then we move in and pick up the pieces.
Brandi C.: I think what you mean is, "I want WhiteBoy to stay because I have weird insecurity issues and he provides a much needed validation."
Megan: Shut up! God, when are you going to get over the book club thing?

12 Pack thought it best to talk with Toastee. Obviously, she would go along with his plan to eliminate WhiteBoy.

12 Pack: You know, Toastee. With great power comes great responsibility.
Toastee: Is that from a movie?
12 Pack: No, I came up with that myself.

But it was too late for 12 Pack. He should have enlisted his other team members to work on Toastee, promise their allegiance for WhiteBoy's dismissal. Megan was fast at work. In a short time, the amazon woman arranged a meeting between Pumkin, Toastee and the Stallionaires. Real apologized to Pumkin for threatening her life. WhiteBoy promised Toastee a place in his alliance if she came through at eliminations.

WhiteBoy: Yo, Toastee. I swear on this picture of Peter Gallagher on my arm that I will not come after you, yo.

Toastee: That doesn't look anything like Peter Gallagher.
WhiteBoy: Yo, it's from when he had longer hair.

And here's 12 Pack's biggest mistake: he agrees to go into the lockbox! The meathead believes that he and Toastee are so close that he can go on the power outing and not be in danger of elimination. Poor 12 Pack. He missed it when his English class read Julius Caesar in high school. He didn't get the point when he learned about Napoleon in history class either.

12 Pack: I'm going in the box tomorrow. Toastee knows that with great power comes great responsibility.
Megan: I think you may be the stupidest person I have ever met. By the way, is that from a movie?
12 Pack: No, it's not. But it has a nice ring to it, like it could be.

Now, let's stop the story once last time to look at pictures of The Entertainer and a Mexican medicine woman.

And one more of The Entertainer falling in love with a turkey...

Sorry, I had to break up the story. It was getting too deep. I needed to have a laugh before I could finish.

Anyway, The Entertainer, WhiteBoy and 12 Pack went on a power outing with Toastee. The guys had their souls cleansed by a Mexican medicine woman then they ate lunch at a nearby restaurant. As far as I can tell, turkey was not on the menu. 12 Pack made one last attempt to solidify his friendship with Toastee.


12 Pack: You complete me, Toastee.
Toastee: I think that came from a movie.
12 Pack: No, it came from my heart.

Despite putting his neck on the line, promising his allegiance, and professing his love, 12 Pack was still in danger of going home. He could have used that $250,000 for his clothing line.
At eliminations, the three guys came in their Sunday bests. WhiteBoy, in a t-shirt that both remembered his comrade and reiterated how he lives the life of a thug. The Entertainer, thankful that his mother remembered to press his Tony Soprano shirt. And 12 Pack, who is making a solid effort to bring back the zoot suit.

Toastee called up The Entertainer first. She gave him his check after insulting his intelligence several times. (Are they insults if they're true?) Then Toastee called up 12 Pack. He gave her his word, but he gives his word to everyone. So, Hasta la vista, baby. And yes, that is from a movie.

And just like that, 12 Pack was gone. Heather was shocked. Megan was pleased. WhiteBoy was relieved.

Until next time my friends, have a Happy Super Skank Wednesday!