Powered by i.TV
November 28, 2014

Super Skank Wednesday: 12 Pack's Destruction, A Tale of Hubris

by Kristin Sample, posted Aug 27th 2008 2:03PM
12 Pack gets eliminated by Toastee.Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

This Wednesday let's do another picture book fairy tale. I'm learning a lot from I Love Money. How about you? After the jump, I have a piece I call "12 Pack's Destruction, A Tale of Hubris." I'm not a betting woman, but I don't think anyone on ILM knows what the term "hubris" means.

12 Pack's Destruction, A Tale of Hubris

After Megan's elimination of Rodeo last week, the blondes met to discuss strategy for how to proceed in the game. Megan, subversive as always, wanted to look out for her showmance WhiteBoy. Other topics up for discussion were the Democratic National Convention, Sara Tancredi's return to Prison Break, and what they would read for next month's book club.
Pumkin and Brandi discuss books
Brandi C: But I heard The Secret Life of Bees was great.
Pumkin: Brandi, please stop pushing for The Secret Life of Bees. We decided on The Red Tent.

The money grubbers got their call from Craig and headed to the beach for their first big solo competition. They would have to stab each other in the back. Well, they would have to throw these awesome ninja stars at paper mache versions of themselves.

Let's stop the story briefly and look at the amazing dolls VH1 came up with for the competition. I know, I know. I'll get to 12 Pack.

First the awesome ninja stars and a safety note. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to let these maniacs throw sharp objects should be fired get a raise.
Ninja stars
Now the dummies. There's our boy 12 Pack. How could they forget his ink? Where's his black dragon on his bulging bicep? Where are his bulging biceps?
12 Pack as a paper maiche doll
Here's Megan. The likeness is uncanny, except for the eyes that need to be at least three times smaller.
Megan Hausermann is as smart as a paper maiche doll.
And then there's Real who looks like a pirate or Little Richard. I love his doll.
Real the pirate
Finally we've got WhiteBoy. See how they tried to add his peach fuzz? VH1's blog said that they made him look like a burn victim.
WhiteBoy
Okay, back to the story. The Entertainer was the first to go. His amazing summer league softball skills came in handy and he landed a knife in Hoopz. He did a celebratory dance to, er, celebrate. The Entertainer celebrates
The Entertainer: Yeah Hoopz! And check out my awesome dance. I saw Michael Flatley do this when I took my mom to see Lord of the Dance on Broadway. Bada Bing!

Next up was Pumkin. She put an ax in WhiteBoy and was promised a "special treat" from The Entertainer. I shudder to think how a "special treat" might materialize.
Pumkin throws a knife.
More people threw axes. Toastee missed several times. WhiteBoy was out first. Megan went against her alliance's plan much to the shock of both Brandi C. and her nipples.
Brandi and her breasts are outraged.
Nipples: Did you see that? I can't believe my eyes.
Brandi C.: I know. I'm baffled, girls. Just plain baffled.

In the end, it was our boy 12 Pack, Real, and Toastee. Real put a knife in 12 Pack but it was 12 Pack who decided the next paymaster. His first mistake? Putting a knife in Real and making Toastee, an alcoholic porn star, the paymaster for the night. See, at least 12 Pack knew where Real stood; Real would protect his Stallionaires. But Toastee was a wild card. Still the muscle man opted to give her the win. He was blinded by both his overconfidence and his desire to get WhiteBoy out of the game.
Real, 12 Pack and Toastee
Real: Damn, it's sunny out today.
12 Pack: I need a pedicure.
Toastee: I'm getting a nice tan here.
The Entertainer, Heather and 12 Pack celebrate.
12 Pack: Alright I won!
Heather: Yay for us! Carry me off the sand. I'm getting it in my toes.
The Entertainer: Carry me too. *whispers* I love you.

While 12 Pack and his crew were celebrating and forgetting that they DIDN'T win, Megan was scheming with her fellow blondes about how to keep WhiteBoy in the house.
Megan and Brandi C
Megan: Here's the deal. WhiteBoy needs to stay because he'll protect us. And if he's still here, the two sides of the house will fight. Then we move in and pick up the pieces.
Brandi C.: I think what you mean is, "I want WhiteBoy to stay because I have weird insecurity issues and he provides a much needed validation."
Megan: Shut up! God, when are you going to get over the book club thing?

12 Pack thought it best to talk with Toastee. Obviously, she would go along with his plan to eliminate WhiteBoy.
Toastee and 12 Pack have a chat
12 Pack: You know, Toastee. With great power comes great responsibility.
Toastee: Is that from a movie?
12 Pack: No, I came up with that myself.

But it was too late for 12 Pack. He should have enlisted his other team members to work on Toastee, promise their allegiance for WhiteBoy's dismissal. Megan was fast at work. In a short time, the amazon woman arranged a meeting between Pumkin, Toastee and the Stallionaires. Real apologized to Pumkin for threatening her life. WhiteBoy promised Toastee a place in his alliance if she came through at eliminations.
WhiteBoy explains the deal.
WhiteBoy: Yo, Toastee. I swear on this picture of Peter Gallagher on my arm that I will not come after you, yo.
Toastee considers her options.
Toastee: That doesn't look anything like Peter Gallagher.
WhiteBoy: Yo, it's from when he had longer hair.

And here's 12 Pack's biggest mistake: he agrees to go into the lockbox! The meathead believes that he and Toastee are so close that he can go on the power outing and not be in danger of elimination. Poor 12 Pack. He missed it when his English class read Julius Caesar in high school. He didn't get the point when he learned about Napoleon in history class either.
12 Pack and Megan discuss the situation.
12 Pack: I'm going in the box tomorrow. Toastee knows that with great power comes great responsibility.
Megan: I think you may be the stupidest person I have ever met. By the way, is that from a movie?
12 Pack: No, it's not. But it has a nice ring to it, like it could be.

Now, let's stop the story once last time to look at pictures of The Entertainer and a Mexican medicine woman.
Medicine woman spits on The Entertainer.
And one more of The Entertainer falling in love with a turkey...
The Entertainer and his soulmate.
Sorry, I had to break up the story. It was getting too deep. I needed to have a laugh before I could finish.

Anyway, The Entertainer, WhiteBoy and 12 Pack went on a power outing with Toastee. The guys had their souls cleansed by a Mexican medicine woman then they ate lunch at a nearby restaurant. As far as I can tell, turkey was not on the menu. 12 Pack made one last attempt to solidify his friendship with Toastee.

12 Pack gets some alone time with Toastee.
12 Pack: You complete me, Toastee.
Toastee: I think that came from a movie.
12 Pack: No, it came from my heart.

Despite putting his neck on the line, promising his allegiance, and professing his love, 12 Pack was still in danger of going home. He could have used that $250,000 for his clothing line. The eliminations
At eliminations, the three guys came in their Sunday bests. WhiteBoy, in a t-shirt that both remembered his comrade and reiterated how he lives the life of a thug. The Entertainer, thankful that his mother remembered to press his Tony Soprano shirt. And 12 Pack, who is making a solid effort to bring back the zoot suit.

Toastee called up The Entertainer first. She gave him his check after insulting his intelligence several times. (Are they insults if they're true?) Then Toastee called up 12 Pack. He gave her his word, but he gives his word to everyone. So, Hasta la vista, baby. And yes, that is from a movie.

And just like that, 12 Pack was gone. Heather was shocked. Megan was pleased. WhiteBoy was relieved.

Until next time my friends, have a Happy Super Skank Wednesday!





Add a Comment

*0 / 3000 Character Maximum

11 Comments

Filter by:
gotcandy

Ok, Megan has really warmed up to me. First I did not like her for her manipulative ways. Now I have to respect her GANGSTA! Still don't trust her.
She did what HOOPS could not.
One thing I do not unerstand is how....
If you got 3 daggers to the back, you were gone...however, 12pac stayed during his daggers in the back and was able to throw again.....for that..... I would like to see the ENTERTAINER go..oh BTW, so did the ENTERTAINER and REAL...
I would really like to see the females run the paymaster!! Get all cat fightish and take off.....that is another show.....JERRY, JERRY

August 30 2008 at 4:54 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Adam

Not to get all Sartorialist on the contestants of ILM, but what in the high holy heck was up with 12 Pack's suit!!(I wish the had the upside down question mark at my disposal). Mixing and matching slacks and jackets is risky enough but black and red; is it valentines day? And where does one buy a black dress shirt outside of Express. And the sweet cherry on top of the outfit, the silver tie, not tied to anything else in his outfit. If your going to pull a color out of your ass and add it to an outfit, silver is always the way to go. But I really cant fault dozen pack, that outfit either came abou in 2 ways. the first way is that he is a subscriber to international male, and he thought the ensemble looked good one one of their models. The second is that the suit is a "Party Boys" outfit and he uses the silver tie because the sheen on it ensues extra fast tie removal. BTW do the spell boys with a Z? That would be extra douchy and fitting for dozen pack and heat.

August 28 2008 at 5:29 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Adam's comment
deebopalula

OMG - That was frickin' funny Adam! "International Male" - LMAO! I think you need to be a judge or a consultant on "Project Runway"!

August 28 2008 at 6:44 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Caroline

Ok, Kristin, I read Super Skank Wednesday every week and have always loved it, but have never fully laughed out loud. I did twice after reading this one. You are so on your game.

"The Entertainer, thankful that his mother remembered to press his Tony Soprano shirt."

"VH1's blog said that they made him look like a burn victim."

Wow, HAHA.

Anyway, I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this before, but what is up with the host, Craig Jackson?! He constantly refers to himself to the contestants with both his first and last name, wouldn't they know by now? (Maybe I'm giving them too much credit.) Someone remind me, who is this person? No one cares about you, Craig Jackson, we just want to see more bat shit crazy people!

August 28 2008 at 3:35 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
CaTobes

Ok, Kristin, I read Super Skank Wednesday every week and have always loved it, but have never fully laughed out loud. I did twice after reading this one. You are so on your game.

"The Entertainer, thankful that his mother remembered to press his Tony Soprano shirt."

"VH1's blog said that they made him look like a burn victim."

Wow, HAHA.

Anyway, I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this before, but what is up with the host, Craig Jackson?! He constantly refers to himself to the contestants with both his first and last name, wouldn't they know by now? (Maybe I'm giving them too much credit.) Someone remind me, who is this person? No one cares about you, Craig Jackson, we just want to see more bat shit crazy people!

August 28 2008 at 10:52 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
cdawg

how sad is it that Megan is the smartest person in the house...

Whiteboy is such a wannabe - he's actually a little jewish white boy from the rich burbs of Miami who wants people to think he's hardcore... wtf...

August 28 2008 at 10:20 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Chris

Wow, I really have been underestimating Megan with her compass nips.

August 27 2008 at 5:55 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
SpaceVenus

Thanks, dt3! I kept wondering whose portrait that was on Whiteboy's arm. He looks a bit like Neil Diamond, no?

Whiteboy must've been quite a fan of "welcome back cotter" to put that huge face on his arm.

August 27 2008 at 5:17 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
david

final thing... that isnt peter gallagher on his arm there... thats juan epstein (the puerto rican jew from welcome back cotter)

August 27 2008 at 3:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
david

thanks... i had avoided the other writers post about the prison break spoilers, i had even went through and erased a few fox non-essentials off my tivo to-do list as to not see this commercial that was mentioned.

Who would have ever thought that i would have the return of sarah ruined for me in a "I Love Money" recap... thanks

August 27 2008 at 3:41 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to david's comment
david

... and those arent throwing stars, those are genuine moondaggers from the movie futurespace (not the BS lead paint ones that hit the market for a day and a half, those are the real deal titanium ones straight off the set)

===================

has anyone else noticed the many faces of brandi c?? she is starting to remind me of the good light/bad light girl from seinfeld except in good lighting she looks hot but kinda skanky in bad lighting she looks all the way skanky and kinda crack-ish.

August 27 2008 at 3:46 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Follow Us

From Our Partners