(S01E01 / S01E02) Wow. So, within the first five minutes it becomes abundantly clear that this is not your momma's 90210. First of all, there are actual non-whites at West Beverly High! Er, well, at least one. But he's a main character! Secondly, kids at West Beverly don't just hang out at the Peach Pit or whatever before class, they perform sexual acts in their big, shiny SUVs!

Other things are the same, however, such as the fact that being a new kid still sucks: even if you're an impossibly skinny girl with perfect teeth and hair like a shiny, pretty labradoodle, like Annie Wilson. People still call you Farm Girl, and Kelly Taylor's sister posts mean blogs about you. Meanwhile, if you're her brother, even being a lacrosse star can end badly, when jealous kids get you kicked off the team.

90210's premiere is a little uneven, but also oddly entertaining. One thing that everyone can agree on though, is that Jessica Walter is still awesome.

Walter, who played the iconic Lucille Bluth on Arrested Development, is back on 90210, basically playing the same inappropriate, booze-soaked character, though this time she's an ex-actress named Tabitha Wilson. Everything that comes out of her mouth in the pilot is a gem, including an anecdote about how Ricardo Montalban once cracked an egg on her ass. She's already my favorite character, but considering that this is ostensibly a teen drama, that may not be a good sign for the fledgling series.

The Wilson family, aka "The New Walsh Family," comes to Beverly Hills from Kansas in order to take care of Tabitha. Harry Wilson is also the new principal at West Beverly, while his Kansas-native wife Debbie, has some sort of job that involves photo shoots, but also cooks tater tots for dinner.

The first episode, "We're Not in Kansas Anymore," basically covers Annie and Dixon's transition into the society of West Beverly High. Annie quickly becomes friends with Queen Bee Naomi, who promptly convinces Annie to "loan" her an old paper on A Tale of Two Cities and disinvites her from her "Not so Sweet 16" party after the deception is uncovered by Annie's principal father.

Dixon gets kicked off of the lacrosse team for starting a fight, even though the other guy checked him first. Naomi's boyfriend Ethan, the recipient of the aforementioned blow job in the SUV, originally lies to cover this up, but then his good guy-ness gets the better of him and he gets Dixon reinstated on the team. In the end, the Wilsons have a pretty painless transition into West Beverly and end the episode in formal wear, frolicking in the ocean in a very O.C.-like fashion.

Other things of note:

- There's a hilarious shout out to Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez in the beginning of the episode. She's original 90210-er Andrea Zuckerman's daughter and the host of West Beverly's news show. Ryan starts off the episode by asking, "what is she, 30?", a reference to Gabrielle Carteris actually being about 30 when she filmed the original show.

- Baby drama! It turns out that Harry Wilson dated Naomi's mom in high school and they have a son together that he never knew about! He was given up for adoption.

- Kelly Taylor also has a son. He's about four years old, and we don't know who the father is yet. He also has trouble sleeping, but my guess is that's probably due to the fact that his mother apparently sends him to bed wearing race car-shaped Crocs.

- Seriously. A blow job. In front of the school. Within the first five minutes; Gossip Girl didn't even do that.

- I have a feeling that the male students of West Beverly High spend a lot of time in the Guidance Counselor's office. After all, the counselor doesn't seem to think it's necessary to button more than three buttons on her shirt. Also, did anyone else notice that she seemed to wear two completely different outfits on the same day?

In the second episode, "Jet Set," the Wilsons continue to acclimate to life on the fast lane. Annie meets Ty, a boy with teeth as big as her own. He's the male lead in the play and asks her out to dinner. Of course, since they're in Beverly Hills, they won't be hitting up the local Ruby Tuesday's. Instead, he drives her to the airport where they board a private plane to San Francisco for dinner.

Her mother finds out about the trip after finding a matchbook from the restaurant in Annie's pocket. First of all, why was she going through her pockets? Second of all, who sees a matchbook from San Francisco and immediately thinks, "dammit! My daughter got on a private jet and went halfway up the state last night!"? Who jumps to that conclusion?

Annie isn't the only Wilson kid who gets in trouble this episode. Dixon is still desperately trying to fit in with his Lacrosse team, so when the rival school pranks them by filling West Beverly's hallway with trash, he comes up with a plan for revenge, despite his father's specific warnings against it. He manages to get three pigs from Navid's porn producer father and sets them loose on the other school's field. After Dixon attempts to take the blame for the prank, Navid and Ethan admit to their part, leading to Dixon being grounded, but an otherwise happy ending.

There's already a love triangle brewing, when Naomi tries to get back at Ethan by cheating on him with a teammate. Instead of making him jealous, however, Ethan just realizes that the reason he cheated was because he wanted out of the relationship -- and maybe into a new one with Annie. Unfortunately for him, Ty and Annie seem to be moving forward. With tongue.

Other things of note:

- Adrianna plays glassy-eyed really well. She's got a serious pill problem and although she's popular, seems to come from the wrong side of the tracks a little bit. I have a feeling this storyline could get pretty interesting later on.

- Jessica Walter continues her reign of awesome.

- The Peach Pit is scary. Nat looks really old and is easily confused by the cappuccino machine and kids go there and fill their iced teas with airplane bottles of booze. I miss the wholesome Formica of the Peach Pit of yesteryear.

- I can see why Uncle Jesse loved Aunt Becky so much: she's really understanding. Harry tells Debbie about his illegitimate son, and she takes it in stride. Apparently it's just another thing to deal with. A man-shaped bump in the road.

Based on all of the insane media surrounding the original cast members coming back to the show, I was beginning to wonder if anyone would care about the actual teenagers at all. Luckily for the young actors, the storyline with Brenda and Kelly is sufficiently boring and pointless, so as not to detract in any way. Granted, seeing Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth squeal and hug was awkwardly hilarious, but Brenda returning and drinking milkshakes isn't exactly earth shattering.

The show overall is a decent mix of Mean Girls, The O.C. and Gossip Girl, but isn't quite as charming as any of them. I'm not blown away, but it wasn't quite the suckfest it had the potential to be. However, I definitely could have done with only one hour of it this week.

What do you think?