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October 4, 2015

Super Skank Wednesday: Charm School for the men of I Love New York

by Kristin Sample, posted Sep 10th 2008 12:43PM
UnsureWelcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

So no I Love Money on Sunday night? Wha-what? Pshaw! How can I do my awesome picture books without a new episode?

Okay enough complaining. After the jump, I'm going to discuss a show that doesn't exist (yet) in the VH1 skanktastic line-up: Charm School: The Men of I Love New York. I've got a list of my fantasy cast.

Okay, here's my cast of "manks" most in need of some charm school...

1. Heat: I included Heat for two reasons. First, he's completely delusional. Every reality show has a cast member with that special brand of crazy. Second, he's the guy you love to hate. He's the guy who will make it through a few challenges and you'll just wish he was gone. Every week, he'll stay and you'll wish even harder that he would just leave. But we need someone to root against.

2. Mr. Boston: I know, I know. It's favoritism. Mr. Boston was just on I Love Money too. But really, can one ever get enough Mr. Boston?

3. Mr. Wise:
I don't think I will ever forget Mr. Wise's flying-jump-and-punch-to-the-head from the I Love New York 2 Reunion. He had just finished telling Tailor Made how he was such a man for restraining himself then BOOM, right in the noggin! If Mr. Wise doesn't go on Charm School, he should try out for Spike TV's Ultimate Fighter.

4. Buddha: Similar to Mr. Wise, Buddha is a fighter. But Buddha is a whole other level of aggression and explosiveness. We need him in the Charm School house to intimidate the other cast members and have crazy blow-ups.

5. It: This guy is in serious need of charm school. No, let me rephrase that. He's in serious need of ANY school.

6. Unsure (pictured above): Since I didn't include 12 Pack (famous for working at a gay bar named Feathers and being voted off I Love Money by a Toastee of all people) I thought would include this guy. Now he's no muscleman but the cast will need some poor idiot to hassle about his true sexual identity. It all started when New York and her mother calling him "Unsure." However, I'm fairly sure that anyone who would compete for the heart of that strumpet is unsure about his sexual preference.

7. Onix: Do I need to explain this one? We need some attractive guys in the house. Onix wins.

Cheesy and New York8. Cheesy: Do you remember this guy? Cheesy was the first prospective charm school student that popped into my mind when I decided to write this list. He couldn't handle New York (that picture speaks volumes). But I think that with a little luck, Cheesy could take the title.

9. Romance: I know I included Unsure, but I had to throw Romance in there as well. He's a cryer. Any reality show worth its salt needs cryers just as much as it needs fighters. If you don't have cryers, who would the fighters pick on? Plus Romance might bring his small dog. He took such a liking to New York's dog and was so broken up about his little Yorkie that died. He probably got a new one by now. It's his reason for NOT having a girlfriend or any semblance of a normal life.

I think Fonzworth Bentley would make a great host. He already hosts that show Gs to Gents and wears bowties. Those are two sure signs of a good principal for a charm school.

What do you readers think? Did I miss one of your favorite manks?

Happy Super Skank Wednesday!

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No way you forgot Midget Mac...

September 11 2008 at 5:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bx Burlesque

I don't have a fantasy team for this, because I wouldn't care who was on it. I would watch, perhaps DVR and watch again. It would be awesome, and now I will stay up nights dreaming about Charm School for Manks.

But I still maintain that some of the guys from Kept: Be Cougar Jeery Hall's Boy Toy should have new reality careers. Kept kind of started it all, lo so many years ago. And there were suppressed homoerotics, personality explosions, and a decided lack of charm every week!

September 11 2008 at 11:55 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Entertainer. He's the one everyone loves to hate and he's seriously in need of growing up. need I remind you he still lives in his mom's basement.

And hello Chance! He's got to be on every reality show... ever. He's an idiot and a total hothead. BONUS.

I can't believe Real is the one with all the charm in that family. Not saying much...

September 10 2008 at 2:38 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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