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September 23, 2014

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and his name is Stephen

by Danny Gallagher, posted Dec 4th 2008 6:07PM
America's favorite megalomaniac takes on America's least favorite megalomaniac and for once in this karma-deprived universe, the megalomaniac we were rooting for has won.

Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report called on his legion of fans/cult-like followers who would not only follow their leader into the gates of Hell, but also take his place in the seventh circle (the one that only gets QVC, C-Span 2 and late night knife infomercials) to help him vanquish his foes. In the past, he has used his followers to take on enemy combatants such as Chuck Norris, indie rock group the Decemberists and Oshawa, Ontario mayor John Gray.

This time, he's taken down someone more feared, despised and loathed than all three of those figures combined in a tragic teleportation device accident.

Earlier this week, Colbert asked his nation to buy the album to his Christmas special, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All, not so he could make more money off of the rights to his likeness or impress the programming heads at his network or improve his personal sense of self-worth. He asked the nation to do it for a worthy and noble cause -- make Kanye West look like a total douchebag.

Kanye is known for his brash smugness and narcissistic tendencies that make Terrell Owens look like Nelson Mandela. But he, as Jon Stewart would put it, "raised the bar for douchebaggery" by putting John Lennon's crack about being "bigger than Jesus" and everything Omarosa has ever said in a blender and made a thick, rich narcissism smoothie with his latest boast.

Kanye said in an interview with the Associated Press last month that "I will go down as the voice of this generation of this decade" and described himself as someone who is preparing himself "to really end up being like Michael Jordan." Only Michael Jordan didn't have a mouth big enough to eat a whole Turducken in one bite.

Not content with Kanye threatening Colbert's King Narcissist throne, Colbert declared war against the "sunglasses model" and ordered a mass purchase strike at 5 p.m. on Wednesday on iTunes in order to push his album to number one and knock Kanye's latest album, "80s and Heartbreaks," down a couple of notches. Well, the invasion date has passed and iTunes shows Colbert didn't exactly get to number one but it's enough to make Kanye feel like number two:

Colbert on the iTunes list
Colbert finished third as of 10 p.m. Wednesday and the voice of the new generation that isn't Pepsi finished a measly fourth. It's a Christmas miracle.

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Mike

He's a Racist!!!!!

December 16 2008 at 11:02 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
DK

Aww I like Kanye West music...

But yeah, he's a whiny douche. Kind of the Metallica of the rap world, at least to me.

December 04 2008 at 10:30 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Justin

Awesome.

Does Kanye not realize that NO ONE outside of the music and entertainment industry pays attention. He was a star post-Katrina thanks to his Bush statement. He should have never said another word or released another album after that.

December 04 2008 at 8:25 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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