On the 12th day of Festivus, TV gave to me... - VIDEOS
... Twelve shows a stinkin'
That aroma tickling your nose is not one from an oven full of fresh gingerbread cookies. No, it's from a television full of burned-out ideas and gutted hulks of viewers who can't take the crap that is heaped upon them. That's because, more than ever, there is a lot of stink on the television landscape. Most of it is due to inordinate amounts of reality programming which has flooded the market. The rest is due to the lack of new ideas for an industry that is rapidly changing.
In order to start our annual Festivus countdown we have compiled a scientifically proven list of 12 shows just stinking up the flat screen. And, when I say 'scientifically proven' I mean I just asked a bunch of people off the street about shows they disliked. So, it's as accurate as it possibly can be. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll have opinions, one way or another, on these shows and others not on the list. So, if you have your nose plugs, let's begin.
Momma's Boys: I realize that this show doesn't premiere until next week, but the promos airing on NBC just reek of disease and decay. It looks incredibly bad. Which means that millions will tune in to watch and further degrade NBC's fragile status as a network.
Rosie Live: Remember The Brady Bunch Variety Hour -- a show that made you feel amazingly embarrassed for the stars, producers, and catering people involved? Well, that wasn't nearly as bad as watching the one and only episode of Rosie Live, which was supposed to bring back the long-dead variety show format. There's a good chance it will remain dead after this.
American Idol: Here's where I'll probably get the most heat. Look, I understand that this is a great opportunity for unknown singers to acquire the fame and fortune they deserve, but it could be done in a much better way. Between the too-long weeks of audition coverage and the too-big heads of the judges this show does not make for good viewing. Plus, it seems like all of the runners-up on this show go on to stardom more than the winners. What's up with that?
America's Got Talent: I like a good talent show like the next person, but AGT is not one of those. It's not the judges, who I can actually handle, but the way the show is structured. It takes way to frigging long to go through the audition process just to get the -- what? -- five thousand eligible acts. Then, it takes another two months to whittle those down to the final ten. My children grow up faster than this show takes to crown a winner! Plus, the audiences are overly enthusiastic, which just irritates me.
The Real Housewives of...: You can probably characterize this series of shows as so stinky that they are addictive. Personally, when my wife watches it I have to run screaming from the room in order to avoid having my eyes burned out of their sockets. Or, reaching into the TV to throttle these too-rich yentas who don't live in reality. Which is ironic, since they are on a reality program.
Secret Talents of the Stars: How bad did this show stink up CBS? It was canceled after one episode. They wanted to cancel it after only 30 minutes but, since it was summer, they didn't have anything else to replace it with. I'm rooting for the next reality show like this to be canceled after the first commercial break.
Do Not Disturb: Poor Jerry O'Connell. Ever since he lost his gig at Crossing Jordan his television career has been in a bit of a slump. Last year it was the failure of the ABC comedy Carpoolers. This year it was the short stay of his FOX comedy Do Not Disturb. Well, at least he has Rebecca Romijn to console him at night.
Kath & Kim: Molly Shannon -- great comedic actress. Not so much as great a sitcom star. The show really pales in comparison to the original that is a hit in Australia. Yet, it remains on the air. Most likely because NBC has nothing to fill the spot. Unless they decide to give Jay an extra 30 minutes on Thursday nights.
Knight Rider: Val Kilmer is terrible as the voice of KITT. That's it, really. Well, there's the acting, and the whole change in the show's concept, and the fact that everyone Michael Knight tries to help seems to know him. But, mainly it's Val Kilmer as the voice of KITT. Time to bring William Daniels out of retirement.
Wipeout: The concept of the show is actually good. And, once they get past the giant balls it can be a pretty entertaining program. What gives it a stink factor is the play-by-play guys. Especially John Henson, who makes me want to turn down the sound every time he cracks a corny joke. Really, it's not that funny.
Paris Hilton's My New BFF: Who really wants to be Paris Hilton's Best Friend Forever? I mean, you can't tell me that the contestants on this reality game show really want to be pals with Paris instead of just using her for the vast hotel fortunes she has. Even Nicole Richie thought better of it and broke ties with Paris, which says something. What that something is I have no idea.
According to Jim: What list of crappy shows wouldn't be complete without a mention of According to Jim? How a show like this can be on the air for eight seasons while shows like Pushing Daisies and Eli Stone get the boot is beyond the fathoms of my logical thinking. Like cockroaches, AtJ will probably be on the air long after I am dead and my children are complaining about it in their blog reviews.