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October 31, 2014

On the 11th day of Festivus, TV gave to me...

by Jason Hughes, posted Dec 13th 2008 6:30PM
It's cold outside, but it's warm in here...... Eleven babes worth watchin'

Oh sure, there may be 12 shows a stinkin', but there's still reason to tune in. See just like advertisers, show-runners and TV executives know that sex sells. And hot chicks sell. And hot chicks selling their sexuality sell like hotcakes ... or chicks ... I never can get that right. But just being hot and sexy isn't enough. To really sell it, they need to be as close to naked as legally allowed on the airwaves. We're talking "Oops, sorry to barge in on you standing there in your underwear bending over the bed pulling on your fishnet stockings. Nice rack."

Sometimes near-nudity, and even nudity, legitimately serves the plot. Let's face it, Anna Paquin had to bang that vampire on True Blood so she was going to have to get naked. It's a necessity. But Yvonne Strahovski on Chuck? Does she have to be in her underwear that often to protect the Intersect? Was it required by Simon Elder that Karen Darling be in her underwear in order to talk to him? Of course not. But it's hot and that's the way we like it. Hell, they made Catalina a stripper on My Name is Earl.

Now these are not in order of hotness, because I know how much we all value our own opinions on such things. I know there's others, but that's what the comments are for.:

Kaley CuocoKaley Cuoco (Penny, The Big Bang Theory)

On 8 Simples Rules she was cast as the "hot sister," and she's been playing hot ever since. She can currently be seen as Penny on CBS's Monday night sensation The Big Bang Theory, where she plays the hot neighbor. Sure, the fact that she's hot is a major part of the plot, but nevertheless, we still manage to see her in super short shorts, low-cut tops and braless all the time. Luckily, Cuoco can pull it off and has even managed to inject some personality into her character beyond the hotness.

Summer GlauSummer Glau
(Cameron, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)

There's a reason the latest incarnations of the Terminators in both the movies and on television have been cast as women. Robots need to be sexy (see 'Tricia Helfer'). And right from the beginning, FOX was using Summer's babe factor to promote the new show. Remember the ad with her torso hanging there completely with wires coming out of it. How about the fact that she was completely naked? Yeah, FOX isn't stupid. In the show, she's been as sexy as a Terminator can be, but has still paraded around in her underwear, and even kittened it up to try and use her "feminine wiles" in manipulation of John.

Tricia HelferTricia Helfer
(Number Six, Battlestar Galactica)

The original robot hottie, Helfer's so hot she doesn't even need a name. And there are many copies. Most used for blatant sexuality is the is-she-real-or-is-she-Memorex version that only Baltar can see and bang. While she's mostly seen in that sultry red dress, there've been plenty of shots of her bare back, as well as various other states of undress. Is it all necessary to the plot: of course not? Is it appreciated by Battlestar Galactica's legions of male fans? Of course! In fact, Helfer was originally hired just to be the hot chick, as she was a model prior to her role here. She's since proven that she can actually act as well.

Jennifer Love HewittJennifer Love Hewitt
(Melinda Gordon, Ghost Whisperer)

Originally, Jennifer Love Hewitt's well-established position as one of the hottest women of the '90s wasn't exploited at all on Ghost Whisperer, and the show did okay. Then, all of a sudden, Melinda Gordon started showing off some massive cleavage and bending over as often as she could (because ghosts make you do that sort of thing) and the ratings skyrocketed. This season, JLH is getting back into shape, and the writers were so proud of her they showed her in a sports bra, to remind everyone of the hotness that drew them to her in the first place.

Ali LarterAli Larter
(Someone different all the time, Heroes)

Let's see, in the very first episode Ali Larter was making some kind of sexy video (you know, before she went on a killing rampage). In the first episode of this season, even though she was playing an entirely different character, her first appearance had her coming out of the bedroom in her underwear. Gee, I wonder why Larter is still on this show when her character was killed last year. Exactly, someone likes having a half-naked chick running around and Hayden was too young (and now it'd be just weird). Hell, there's still a third one running around so they could kill her again and then cut to the third Ali probably in the shower rubbing soap on her ass. Just because.

Evangeline LilyEvangeline Lilly
(Kate Austen, Lost)

What would you do if you were stranded on a deserted island? Get naked. Well close enough. Since 2004, little Evangeline Lilly has been wearing very little week in and week out. And when she is wearing clothes, they're skin tight and she still manages to make cleavage out of her modest bosom. That's talent. And a hotness the writers want us to remember. Oh yeah, and she's banged Sawyer and we've seen her bare back (or bareback if you know what I mean) on more than one occasion. Hurley doesn't get that kind of attention.

Becki NewtonBecki Newton
(Amanda Tanen, Ugly Betty)

Let's face it, Ugly Betty is a soap opera and everybody knows soap operas are about sex and ... sex. Huh, I guess there's really not much else going on really. Oh and rich people behaving badly ... by having sex with the wrong people. Man, it keeps coming back. Well Betty's clearly not allowed to be the sex kitten on the show running around flaunting her lady parts (see the title of the show there), but luckily they've got Becki Newton and she has plenty of matching bras and panties to show us.

Deanna RussoDeanna Russo
(Sarah Graiman, Knight Rider)

Even a canceled show needs to try and sex things up from time to time. Even though it wasn't enough to save the otherwise terrible show, the writers did manage to trap Sarah and Mike inside a burning KITT with the temperature rising so fast they need to take off their clothes to survive. Do you think the writers sit around and try to come up with ways to get the actresses they like in their underwear just because they want to see it?

Sarah ShahiSarah Shahi
(Dani Reese, Life)

I don't think Dani Reese has gotten near-naked that often on the show, but give it time. It's only the second year. Recently she got down to her ne'erdowells and it was very well indeed. If the ratings tank enough they'll put her undercover as a prostitute or something. That way she can lean into cars and slut it up real good. It's all about making good television ... by showing skin. She is a big fan of the near nudity everywhere else, though, so we know she's game for whatever the writers come up with.

Yvonne StrahovskyYvonne Strahovski
(Sarah Walker, Chuck)

While Chuck is clearly a spy spoof, and hot chicks and spy movies have been going hand in hand since ... well since spy movies and hot chicks went hand in hand. Nevertheless, how many times have we cut to Sarah before she's dressed so the camera can caress her skin while she pulls on some skimpy and incredibly tight outfit. It's amazing, isn't it, how spy work has her nearly naked at almost every turn while Casey and Chuck wear virtually the same thing every episode. I'm sure it's just coincidence, though.

Nadine VelasquezNadine Valazquez
(Catalina, My Name is Earl)

Along the way, the writers of My Name Is Earl decided that Catalina was just too hot to have running around in a housekeeping outfit all the time. Brainstorm solution: make her a stripper. Now almost every time she's on screen, Catalina is in a micro mini skirt and some kind of fancy bra. And that's it. Recently, they even had a scene where she grabbed her boobs and shoved them in some guy's face at the Crab Shack. And ... wait for it ... freeze-framed on a close-up of this so Earl could talk for a second. Think about that. They saved you the trouble of pausing it yourself. That's courtesy!

Twelve shows a stinkin'

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17 Comments

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TVblogger

neither of the gals from Pushing Daisies? Chenowith is a little older, but hot!

December 17 2008 at 9:06 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
divineparasite

Good choices if you ask me. Who's missing? Christina Hendricks, and I realize the wonderful people behind "Mad Men" have yet to really give our gorgoues Joan a bare back scene. (Hello! Have they not seen "Our Mrs. Reynolds"?) Thank you Joss, you wacky self-proclaimed male feminist you.

December 14 2008 at 3:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to divineparasite's comment
Justin

I was going to say Hendrick. She shows a little more skin when she's on Life but for her, I don't need to see much skin. Beauty is beauty no matter how [un]covered.

I also agree Julie Benz being absent is a huge miss.

December 15 2008 at 10:45 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bryan

Good list. But the original robot hottie isn't Helfer, it's Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine. Ok-ok -- she was a cyborg, but I still think she technically qualifies.

December 14 2008 at 12:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bruce

I just realized the list is missing one person, though I'm not sure if this list is only from network TV and shows on HBO/Showtime are not counted. If not, then Julie Benz (Dexter) belongs on the list. Gotta love Julie Benz.

December 14 2008 at 10:45 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to bruce's comment
StillBash

Yeah especially since she got implants this season. I know I know this sounds totally asinine but before that was really the only one weak point with her.

December 14 2008 at 11:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
eric f

Deanna Russo and Olivia Wilde are twins.

December 14 2008 at 10:01 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bruce

Wonderful choices. You have my top 7 or 8 on that list, the others are from shows I never watch. Between Kaley Cuoco (what a great name), Strahovsky, Lilly, Shahi, and Newton... great list.

December 14 2008 at 8:05 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
MERVE-THE-PERVE

Sarah Shahi's talents were on full display on the L Word. I don't even bother to dvr it so I can FF to the good stuff anymore since she left.

December 14 2008 at 3:05 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Chuck

Wow--you make a post basically flaunting hot, sexy chicks just because they're hot and sexy . . . and someone still is PC enough to throw the race card in your face. Never mind the exploitation factor. You can exploit all you want as long as it's multi-racial, I guess.

That pic of Kaley Cuoco is smokin'

December 14 2008 at 1:34 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
PORSCHE

I would thougt one of the houswives of Wysteria lane would be here.

What about all the women in wrestling..they wear skirts to the ring they wouldn't wear in public.

The women of nip tuck

Blair of Gossip Girl

And I agree...Sun sexier on lost.. no matter what they are wearing.

December 13 2008 at 10:46 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
kyle

i think you fail to see that the gratuitous skin and chickfights on chuck aren't just there because they are awesome, they are in there because chuck is a parody of spy movies. what better way to parody the gratuitous nudity in a spy movie than by including your own even more outrageous skin scenes.

December 13 2008 at 9:00 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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