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October 7, 2015

All Danny wants for Festivus

by Danny Gallagher, posted Dec 19th 2008 3:34PM
This is my first Festivus. So I hope you can allow me to be a little more wide-eyed and naive, much like the small child who believes a large fat man can break the space-time continuum to bring him presents on Christmas morning.

My wishes are very simple. I want peace and happiness throughout the universe. I also want the entire movie and television industry to heed my warnings and follow my commands as if they have been written on stone tablets with a giant fiery pen from God's stationary set. I also want an army of obedient zombie knights to enforce these commands, and clean up my house, say around once a week.

- Hulu must stop running annoying ads: Hulu is the greatest thing to happen to the Internet since girl-on-girl pornography. There were times when I've been stuck in an airport or sitting in my favorite cafe with nothing to do but catch up on my favorite shows. They've done an awesome job of expanding their library and mixing in some old and forgotten classics. But the ads that make the site so great are making the site grating. One in particular comes to mind: an ad for Edge Shave Gel. It starts off with some light elevator music and feature four scantily clad models repeating words like "moist," "lubricants" and "moist lubricants." The first time I saw it, it, well, let's just say it had my attention and if I were in a public place, I'd still be trying to raise bail money. But it seems to pop up more and more in the rotation. Now "little Danny" and I are sorry to say that we completely ignore it. The upside is that I understand the concept of marriage.

- Stop ripping off British shows: It's been going on since the beginning of time. Some of our best TV shows, like All in the Family, Sanford & Son and The Office got their jollies in jolly old England. But for every Office, there's a Coupling. For every All in the Family, there's an American Idol. This year, however, marked the ultimate insult in imported shows. McG, the director with the dumb name to match his equally dumb movies, tried to bring his version of Spaced to our shores without even trying to bring Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson or Edgar Wright, the brilliant creative team that created it, on board. Thankfully, the pilot tanked when the test audience gave it a review that makes toxic waste look more entertaining by comparison, so hopefully we've learned our lesson. However...

- Bring us some of our own comedy panel shows: I'm surprised this never caught on in the states. I've been enjoying QI, a impossible general knowledge quiz panel show hosted by actor and writer Stephen Fry, on YouTube and it's hysterical. They could slowly start to catch on now that CBS Entertainment asked National Public Radio to do a TV pilot of their news quiz show Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me, and the timing couldn't be better for this wish to come true, as opposed to the zombie knight brigade above. It's a funny, entertaining idea for a show and the production costs are lower than the combined score of a WNBA game (any of them). And it's actually educational and enlightening, oh well, I guess that explains why they didn't catch on over here.

- George W. Bush must do an interview on The Daily Show: I know I would have better odds if I asked for Abraham Lincoln to do a sit-down with Jon Stewart, but it's long overdue. Stewart has done interviews with people who didn't agree with him before and he always showed tact, humor and fairness without sacrificing truthfulness. He even used to do wonderful, funny interviews with John McCain before he ran for president and realized he couldn't win the youth vote if he appeared on his show to announce that Master Chief from Halo would be his running mate. Stewart could make a Dubya interview work, not just for humor but also for clarity and some refreshing, insightful "truthiness." I know it's not going to happen, but if it did, it would be the new David Frost-Richard Nixon interview. At this point, I'd settle for Cheney just so he can prove he can take a joke and smile without going into convulsions.

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Here's a big thumbs-up to your list, particularly 2 & 3.

It's probably a bit unfair of me, but I've pretty much given a pass to everything which premiered this year that I knew was based on a foreign property.

I've been meaning to catch up on QI - it's on my "need to find some time" list.

December 19 2008 at 9:02 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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