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Nancy Cartwright is a Scientologist... and so is Bart Simpson

by Danny Gallagher, posted Jan 29th 2009 3:05PM
I knew the Church of Scientology had a lot of reach in Hollywood to enlist big names like Tom Cruise, Edgar Winter and the guy from Taxi who keeps popping up on celebrity weight loss and rehab shows.

But now they have either grown too powerful or have completely lost whatever grip they had left on reality, which wasn't a whole hell of a lot to begin with. They have recruited a cartoon character.

Bart Simpson's voice appeared in a phone recording advertising a Scientologist gathering in Hollywood that was clearly voiced by Nancy Cartwright. Of course, the audio found its way to the Internet. 20th Century Fox has been scrambling to pull it off every corner of YouTube ever since Perez Hilton broke the story and Fox made him remove it. You can hear it here before Fox spoils the fun for the rest of us.

The recording starts with a droll and unoriginal, "Hey man, this is Bart Simpson," and Cartwright brings the funny down and reveals to the disappointed caller that it's really just her. Shoot, and I thought I was getting an actual phone call from the real Bart Simpson.

Note to the Church of Scientology: if you are going to hijack one of the most beloved characters in the history of whatever to fulfill your whackjob agenda, at least put some creativity into it. Have Nancy ask the caller if "Cy Kyatrykills" is there.

The rest of the message proceeds to advertise her latest Scientology gathering appearance sprinkled with Bart-isms like "It's gonna be a blast man!" and "I hope you can make it man!" Even the real Bart Simpson doesn't say "man" this much.

Fox, of course, is pissed. They've been pulling copies of the audio left and right. It's not the first time a Simpsons actor has used his or her voice for something else before getting Fox's permission. Dan Castellaneta introduced satirist Paul Krassner as Homer for his Irony Lives! album. The difference is they made sure Fox was kosher with it before printing copies. When someone finally told the Fox executives who Krassner was and what he talked about, they made him pull the audio.

Will Fox seek any justice against Cartwright or the church for hijacking their trademark? It's unlikely. As long as the Church complies with Fox's orders, they will have one less lawsuit to worry about. And even if they did sue, it's like throwing a pebble at King Kong.

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Robert Lindblad

Hey Justin,
I guess you missed this part of the interview

Here's part of The June 1983 Penthouse Magazine interview with L.Ron Hubbard Jr.

Hubbard: Scientology is a power-and-money-and-intelligence-gathering game. To use common, everyday English, Scientology says that you and I and everybody else willed ourselves into being hundreds of trillions of years ago --just by deciding to be. We willed ourselves into being ourselves. Through wild space games, interaction, fights, and wars in the grand science-fiction tradition, we created this universe --all the matter, energy, space, and time of this universe. And so through these trillions of years, we have become the effect of our own cause and we now find ourselves trapped in bodies. So the idea of Scientology "auditing" or "counseling" or "processing" is to free yourself from your body and to return you to the original godlike state or, in Scientology jargon, an operating Thetan --O.T. We are all fallen gods, according to Scientology, and the goal is to be returned to that state.
Penthouse: And what is the Church of Scientology?

Hubbard: It's one of my father's many organizations. It was formed in 1953, basically to avoid the harassment of my father by the medical profession and the IRS. The idea of Scientology didn't really exist before that point as a religion, but my father hit upon turning it into a church after he started feeling pressured.

Penthouse: Didn't your father have any interest in helping people?

Hubbard: No.

Penthouse: Never?

Hubbard: My father started out as a broke science-fiction writer. He was always broke in the late 1940s. He told me and a lot of other people that the way to make a million was to start a religion. Then he wrote the book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health while he was in Bayhead, New Jersey. When we later visited Bayhead, in about 1953, we were walking around and reminiscing --he told me that he had written the book in one month.

Penthouse: There was no church when he wrote the book?

Hubbard: Oh, no, no. You see, his goal was basically to write the book, take the money and run. But in 1950, this was the first major book of do-it-yourself psychotherapy, and it became a runaway best-seller. He kept getting, literally, mail trucks full of mail. And so he and some other people, including J. W. Campbell, the editor of Astounding Science Fiction , started the Dianetics Research Foundation in Elizabeth, New Jersey. And the post office kept backing up and just dumping mail sacks into the building. The foundation had a staff that just ran through the envelopes and threw away anything that didn't have any money in it.

Penthouse: People sent money?

Hubbard: Yeah, they wanted training and further Dianetic auditing, Dianetic processing. It was just an incredible avalanche.

Penthouse: Did he write the book off the top of his head? Did he do any real research?

Hubbard: No research at all. When he has answered that question over the years, his answer has changed according to which biography he was writing. Sometimes he used to write a new biography every week. He usually said that he had put thirty years of research into the book. But no, he did not. What he did, reaily, was take bits and pieces from other people and put them together in a blender and stir them all up --and out came Dianetics! All the examples in the book --some 200 "real-life experiences" --were just the result of his obsessions with abortions and unconscious states... In fact, the vast majority of those incidents were invented off the top of his head

February 06 2009 at 5:20 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Robert Lindblad

Penthouse Interview With L. Ron Hubbard Jr.
"Scientology and all the other cults are one-dimensional, and we live in a three-dimensional world. Cults are as dangerous as drugs. They commit the highest crime: the rape of the soul." L. Ron Hubbard Jr.
Penthouse, June 1983
For more than twenty years L. Ron Hubbard, Jr., has been a man on the run. He has changed residences, occupations, and even his name in 1972 to Ron DeWolf to escape what he alleges to be the retribution and wrath of his father and his father's organization-- the Church of Scientology. His father, L. Ron Hubbard. Sr., founder and leader of Scientology, has been a figure of controversy and mystery, as has been his organization, for more than a generation. Its detractors have called it the "granddaddy" and the worst of all the religious cults that have sprung up over the last generation. Its advocates-- and there are thousands--swear that the church is the avenue for human perfection and happiness. Millions of words have been written for and against Scientology. Just what is the truth?

L. Ron Hubbard, Sr., and the very few who have worked at the highest echelons of the organization have never spoken publicly about the workings and finances of the Church of Scientology. Firsthand allegations about coercion, black-mail, and just how billions of dollars the organization is said to possess have been accrued and spent is lacking: that is, until very recently. In an extraordinary petition brought November 10, 1982, in Superior Court in Riverside, Calif., by L. Ron Hubbard, Jr., to prove that his father is dead and that his heirs should receive the tens of millions of dollars being dissipated from his estate, some of the mystery about Scientology has begun to unravel. Some of the details are shocking.

L. Ron Hubbard, Jr., is a survivor. His appearance on earth, May 7, 1934, was the result of failed abortion rituals by his father, and Ron, after only six and a half months in the womb and at 2.2 pounds entered the world. His mother, Margeret ("Polly") Grubb, was to have one more child, Catherine May, before her husband ditched her in 1946 to enter into a bigamous marnage with Sarah Northrup. A half sister, Alexis Valerie, survived that union. Soon after that, the founder of Scientology married Mary Sue Whipp, the current Mrs. L. Ron Hubbard, Sr., who at this writing is serving four years in federal prison for stealing government documents. There were four childrens: Diana and Quentin, who died under mysterious circumstances in 1976; Arthur, who has been missing for several years; and Suzette.

Ron Jr. says that he remembers much of his childhood. He claims to recall, at six years, a vivid scene of his father performing an abortion ritual on his mother with a coat hanger. He remembers that when he was ten years old, his father, in an attempt to get his son in tune with his black-magic worship, laced the young hubbard's bubble gum with phenobarbital. Drugs were an important part of Ron Jr.'s growing up, as his father believed that they were the best way to get closer to Satan --the Antichrist of black magic.

Ron Jr. also recalls a hard-drinking, drug-abusing father who would mistreat his mother and other women, but who, when, under the influence, would delight in telling his son all of his exploits. Finally, Ron Jr. remembers his father as a "broke science-fiction writer" who espoused that the road to riches and glory lay in selling religion to the masses.

Nineteen fifty was a watershed year for the sixteen-year-old Ron Jr., when his father's book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health was published. While in the 1980s self-help books hold little novelty, Dianetics was a pioneer of that genre. Happiness in 1950 could be a reality, if only one practiced the strange amalgam of science fiction and psychoanalysis offered in the senior Hubbard's best-seller. It was an unexpected success for Hubbard, then living in New Jersey, when the mailman would deliver daily sacks of letters from the unhappy and desperate who had read the book and wanted L. Ron Hubbard to take them to the promised land. It was a dream come true --a science-fiction writer who not only created a world of fantasy but packaged it and sold it as reality.

In 1950 L. Ron Hubbard opened a Dianetics clinic, where the hopeful and newly cenverted could come, for a fee, and their ills --from loneliness to cancer --would be cured. Danetics was the new Scientific Revolution. and L. Ron Hubbard was its prophet.

Scientology is essentially a self-help therapy. It is based on one premise that by recalling negative experiences or "engrams", a person can free himself from repressed feelings that cripple his life. This liberation process is assisted by a counselor called an "auditor" who charges up to hundreds of dollars a session. T

January 31 2009 at 12:50 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I hate the CoS like anyone else but get facts straight: L Ron Hubbard never said the 'Rich = start a religion' line. It's folklore. Hubbard Jr. wrote a book about his father's many misdeeds and debunked the line in the book.

I didn't know Bijou Philips was a Scientologist. That sucks--she's cute.

I grew bored of the Simpsons long ago. The only good roles Cruise has had are that of Charlie Babbit and Frank 'TJ' Mackey (I haven't seen Tropic Thunder). He's as overrated as they come. His non-acting ruins the climax of Eyes Wide Shut.

I'm glad there are folks who are against CoS but I think your mission to stop its Hollywood-funded message is being wrought in the wrong way.

January 30 2009 at 1:36 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

i believe is religious freedom, otherwise arent we all hypocrites?
also, christianity is extremely aggressive in recruiting new converts, ever since crusades and probably long before. Of course now they use money instead of violence.
Islam is no less aggressive, and keeps a tight grip on those that have converted, promising death by beheading to those that renounce.
If an alien visited earth, read up on the history of these 'western' religions, he would probably vomit blood whilst rushing to his space ship to get the frak back home.

January 29 2009 at 11:51 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I detest the cult of Scientology as much as the next internet addict but I won't stop watching The Simpons over this crap... Last time I checked it was just her job to read lines I don't see why all of the sudden you find out she's a Scientologist and now you have a massive problem with the show.

January 29 2009 at 11:42 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I wonder if Fox might go after Nancy, as I'm assuming Fox did not allow the use of Bart Simpson for promotion of Scientology

January 29 2009 at 6:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply


Ok then it was the damn comment system. Forget it... copy it yourself...

January 29 2009 at 4:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Tom Cruise Scientologist

(forgot to close the link I guess...

January 29 2009 at 4:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Funny. Posted this link elsewhere on the 'net just yesterday.


And this one never gets old either:

Tom Cruise, Scientologist

January 29 2009 at 4:36 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Robert Lindblad

Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard while he was still sane told his son
"You know how to get rich... start a religion." admitting that Scientology is nothing but a fictionally created story.
Scientology is nothing but a corporation that thrives off the ignorance of it's followers by selling them and whoever else books, and courses on how to "improve" themselves spiritually.
One of their expensive scams is that they will sell you for extremely large
amounts of money a series of books that in the end are supposed to teach you how to walk through walls.... and after spending long hours of self deceptive meditation, a lot of money, and reading you become brainwashed to believe that you can actually walk through walls and when you try to and end up bumping your nose against the wall you are told that you couldn't do it because you're not ready yet however there are more books and courses available that will someday make it possible for you to do so for larger amounts of money butt not really.
Scientology = manipulative corporate scam brainwashing moneybaggers club
Scientologist = manipulated misguided fool

I know someone who got sucked into Scientology, I didn't know he was a Scientologist until one day, about 4 years ago, he said "Rob here's a book you should read." He passed me Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. I laughed and said "L. Con Flubbfart ha forget it." For the first time in the years since I've known the guy he displayed anger and I'm talking very angry!!! Verbally with an agressive face.
After that display he went on to talk about the ability to walk through walls, he hasn't reached that level but he plans on getting there etc...
I've also heard of that course from an ex-Scientologist and neither of them know each other
Here's a website that describes some of the unusual deaths of Scientology members


Here's an interview with L. Ron. Hubbards' son


There must be 50 ways to leave your Scientology master
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free

January 29 2009 at 3:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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