American Idol: Hollywood Round #1

It's Hollywood week! We open up with Seacrest explaining that this is the biggest season of American Idol ever, which is weird, because I could have sworn that last season was the biggest season ever; or maybe it was the season before that; or the season before that one. Huh. So, in this, the biggest season ever, we have 147 hopefuls who have made it to Hollywood.

The contestants are on the stage at the Kodak theater, when Simon comes in and tells them that hands down, this is the most important day of their lives. As someone who just gave birth to another human being, I find this laughable; but at the same time, I like to think that there's at least one person on that stage, who, when faced with the birth of his or her own future child takes one look at the baby and says, "yeah, you're okay-- but you're no first night of Hollywood week."

Barry Manilow makes a return appearance on the show, this time as kind of a coach. It's kind of cool that they're bringing in the big guns before we even have a top 24. Although watching things like this makes me sad, since given the age of many of the people in that room, I know that there's probably a significant portion of them who have absolutely no idea who that man with the unnaturally taut face is.

Ryan explains how the first round of judging is going to go: the contestants are going to take the stage in groups of eight. They'll pass the mic down the line, singing whatever they want, a capella. From that, the judges will decide if they stay or if they go. This, of course, is an important decision, as if they stay there will be trouble, but if they go, then there will be double.

First up is Lil Rounds, a Kansas City front-runner. She sings "I Will Always Love You," and uh, yikes. Everyone in my house thinks that it sounds kind of big and horrifying, but the judges give her a standing ovation. This is clearly going to be a confusing night.

Dennis Brigham is next, and gives a very twitchy performance. Simon calls his facial expressions "insane," and none of the other judges have anything to say at all. Lil ends up getting in, but Dennis does not. I'm kind of sad to see him go, not because I think he's good, but because he seems like the type of dude who takes R. Kelly seriously, as he started his tirade against the judges with "Okay, real talk," and didn't start immediately giggling.

Nathaniel Marshall is pretty good, but he's another one who makes weird singing faces. He also tells the judges that he wants this so badly because it's on his skin. I'm pretty sure there's a cream for that.

Anoop Desai is kind of geeky and adorable and sings some boring song very well. Jasmine Murray does even better than she did in her original audition, and Rose Flack, the blond with dreds, still has an amazing voice, but you can tell her nerves are getting to her. Luckily, Rose and everyone else in her group gets through.

Stephen Fowler is good, but isn't very memorable. Randy, however, is super-impressed with his performance. Jorge Nunez is also good, and the judges seem to agree. Von Smith seems a little crazy and high school theater-y. Simon calls it "indulgent nonsense," and "really annoying." Surprisingly, all three make it through.

Nick Mitchell, aka Norman Gentle, has successfully wasted American Idol's time and money, so kudos to him. He gives a ridiculous performance and gets a standing ovation from the audience. Shockingly, he makes it through to the next round. Scott McIntyre and Frankie Jordan also make it through.

Day 2 of the Hollywood auditions starts with Jackie Tohn, and boy is she exhausting. Her performance has the same tooth-grinding rock and roll vibe as I imagine Jenna's portrayal of Janis Joplin will on 30 Rock. That is to say, it's ridiculous. Randy and Paula seem to like her though, so God help us all-- she's in.

Jamar Rogers takes the stage, along with his best friend, Danny Gokey who just lost his wife. They both do really well, so yay for friends and boo for Jamar's cheek (!) piercing! They make it through to the next day.

Next up, it's bikini girl! Katrina Darrell is wearing clothes this time, but she's still up to her old antics--mainly making out with Seacrest and insulting Kara. The judges all think it was better than her first audition, and the whole thing is still ridiculous. Luckily for her, her entire group is through.

Jeremy Michael Sarver, the oil roughneck, is still great. Jesus Valenzuela, whose adorable kids help him get through to Hollywood does better than he did in his original audition. However, since his kids aren't there, he doesn't make it through any further.

In the last group are David Osmond, Erika Wesley, and Emily Wynne-Hughes. David and Erika do well, but Emily decides to sing a No Doubt song that she hasn't rehearsed, which was a mistake, and all of the judges say it isn't the right song for her. Luckily, she'll get another chance, since she and David Osmond are through to the next round. Erika doesn't take rejection lying down though, and starts arguing with the judges and tries to get another chance. It doesn't work, but I guess it was worth a try.

At the end of the first round of Hollywood auditions, 104 contestants remain. Generally, things seem to be on track. Tomorrow though is the infamous group day, so you know it's going to get completely insane. I hope this is the year punches finally get thrown.