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Seven people we'd like to see on Dancing With The Stars - VIDEO

by Eliot Glazer, posted Feb 9th 2009 9:11AM
Jackie StalloneWell, it's official. Yesterday, ABC announced their new line-up for the eighth season (!) of Dancing With The Stars. And, as usual, the names chosen range from weird to ... even weirder (really, David Alan Grier?). Not that we necessarily disagree with the producers' choices, but we'd like to take a moment to suggest seven potential choices of people we believe to be fully primed for a spot on the dance floor.

Listen up, DWTS producers. Season nine is just around the corner, and Alan Alda is probably waiting by the phone. (...In our wildest dreams, that is.)

1) Jackie Stallone

Sylvester Stallone's mama is famously eccentric. She looks rather ... unwell, and is responsible for a bizarre array of projects, from helping start the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling league to her own practice in "rumpology" (yup, Jackie Stallone "reads" butts - for money). Nevertheless, the lady is a pip - as witnessed during her short stint across the pond on Celebrity Big Brother - and, hey, if Cloris Leachman could do it, Jackie would probably bring her A-game.

2) Ginuwine
Ginuwine has had his share of radio hits, namely "Pony," a 1996 R&B bump-and-grinder that, to this day, could give R. Kelly a run for his money in the barely-disguised euphemism department. Considering that he's fallen off the map, Ginuwine might make an excellent, highly random addition to Dancing With The Stars. And judging by the way he moves in the video for "Pony," we wouldn't be surprised to see the guy blow the other contestants out of the water.

3) Victoria Jackson
You may have last seen Victoria Jackson (and let us stress the word "may") on VH-1's Celebrity Fit Club, where she fought with both weight loss and Jackée Harry. But the former Saturday Night Live player has been busy making a name for herself on the Christian comedy circuit, as well as having surfaced as a Republican pundit (huh?) on The O'Reilly Factor prior to the election. Whatever Victoria is doing, we can't help but find her "kooky blonde" thing entertaining, if not awesomely bizarre, and we think she would add some extra spice to the competition.

4) Alexis Cohen
A "star" she may not be to the rest of the viewing public, but among scores of American Idol fans, she's sure to cause a stir. Alexis Cohen, season seven (and eight) hopeful earned her spot in the show's Crazy Contestant Hall of Shame when she lashed out against Simon and co. following their suggestion that she join a cover band as an alternate option to, well, y'know, being on American Idol. And, look, we have no idea if the girl can dance, but does it even matter at this point? We'll watch Alexis Cohen walk her dog if it means we get to see more of her otherworldly antics.

5) Alan Alda
Alan Alda is a beloved American actor of television, film, and stage, whose work has spanned generations, capturing the attention of an audience comprised of the young and old. Too accomplished for Dancing With The Stars, you say? Let us remind you of one Ms. Cloris Leachman, a beloved American actress who earned an Academy Award (and nine Emmys) years before getting all dolled up in a poodle skirt and wig to crab-walk across the dance floor. That being said, we would love to see the M*A*S*H and West Wing legend (and longtime host of Scientific American Frontiers) cut a rug.

6) Michael McDonald
The Doobie Brother and pepper-bearded troubadour has done anything but fade into irrelevance, thanks to his continued cornering of the boomer market. Even so, the endless mockery he faced in The Forty Year Old Virgin didn't necessarily help build his cred with the movie's younger audience, so why shouldn't the guy embrace the attention and, instead, reclaim the joke with a spot on Dancing With The Stars? The last thing Michael McDonald should do is be caught ... "running scared" ... from the show. (Get it? Because he wrote "Sweet Freedom" for the movie Running Scared?)

7) Nancy Kerrigan
1994 was a rough year for Nancy Kerrigan. Unless you lived under a rock (or were under the age of twelve at the time ... as was I), you probably caught wind of the ice princess's shrieks after being smashed in the ankle by competitor (and all-around class act) Tonya Harding. With Apolo Ohno having already proved that an athlete can bring to the dance floor the same athleticism and stamina employed on the ice, we wouldn't be surprised if Nancy could master ... whatever dance move would be considered the equivalent of a triple-axel.

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You know what I like about this list?

You choose people that COULD actually be on the show! Fantastic!


February 10 2009 at 8:44 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Joe stalin

William Blythe Clinton.
Think he wouldn't do it? Just use the chicks angle and he'll be there with bells on (literally). What could be more awesome?

February 10 2009 at 8:53 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I actually thought it was a picture of Carrot Top, not Jackie Stallone.

February 09 2009 at 12:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Brad Pitt

Dude, Edie McClurg ... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0566052/

February 09 2009 at 12:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Nothing could make me want to watch Dancing With the Stars--that is, unless maybe they reincarnated Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly.

February 09 2009 at 10:14 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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