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Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson in trouble for opening his big mouth again ... WHY?!?

by Danny Gallagher, posted Feb 10th 2009 12:02PM
It seems that just about anything Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson says will get him into trouble. That's not hard to do when your mouth has more horsepower than your brain.

Then again, that's what makes Clarkson so enduring and funny as a television presenter. Anyone can stop filtering themselves. It takes a special kind of talent to completely shut down any logical capacity you have for careful thought and charge ahead with the speed and recklessness of a teenager on crystal meth. Then again, crystal meth would explain Britain's dentistry problem.

The BBC host called British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a most dubious name during a speech in Australia. That's our Clarkson.

This time, he called Brown a "one-eyed Scottish idiot," according to the Los Angeles Times, or what's left of it. He, of course, had time to reflect on his comments and said he realized he was caught up in the moment when he uttered the offending statement. He also offered a sincere apology.

My question is a simple one: Why? Why should anyone be offended by anything Clarkson says? Why should there be an uproar over Brown's honor when even his own country doesn't love him? Why should Clarkson be forced to apologize, which in this case means writing a press release, sending it to their public affairs office, reading it over and over for spelling errors, and then mass emailing it to every fish wrap in the country?

Well, first of all, Brown is blind in one eye. So that explains the "one-eyed" crack. I didn't know that at the time. He could have been a pirate, for all I know. The Scottish crack also isn't very kosher. Clarkson didn't pull a Michael Richards with his comment, but he at least made one of the biggest Don Imuses in recent memory.

The reaction to his statement has me puzzled. Clarkson makes his living opening his big mouth and saying things he shouldn't because we can't. He shouldn't be granted a carte-blanche passport to say whatever his hatred-filled mind deems worthy of scorn. Mark my words. The day Clarkson's craw gets corked, the aliens have landed and are enslaving us all.

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NEWS: Jeremy Clarkson Terminally Ill

It's all very hush-hush at the moment, but apparently Jeremy Clarkson has a terminal illness. It's as yet unknown whether it's related to his years of smoking cigarettes or something else. Apparently, surgical efforts were not effective, and the very large growth lodged in his rectum (a bug) is eating away at him. Despite that, he's his usual upbeat self, though it is clear in watching him walk (seen in the latest Top Gear episodes) that he's favoring his anus (which most, if not all, Englishmen do).

To make matters worse, he's had at least one medical complication resulting from chemotherapy. Specifically, instead of shrinking the large insect, the chemotherapy has shrunk his already diminutive penis. The silver lining to this side-effect is that his prior existing bitterness over the lack of girth and length has increased manifold and has led to a correspondingly increased sense of humor!

Many of his peers, such as Piers Morgan, are devastated. Now, the only pansy Mr. Morgan will be able to smash is the one in his garden. Not to worry, Jism's wife has already had one of her enormous front teeth pulled for the production of a headstone once he passes on. As a side note, the tooth is so typically English and large, excess portions of it are being donated to piano makers throughout London.

You can send e-mails of well wishes to Jism.Clarkson@whingingpom.com.

March 09 2009 at 3:01 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I have no idea what you are saying in this article. You ask why anyone should be offended, then you give us some reasons why, then you are puzzled that people are offended (maybe it's because of those reasons you mentioned?), then you say he shouldn't have carte-blanche to say offending things, but the day he can't say what he wants, that's when aliens have enslaved us?

See, I'm not sure carte-blanche should be hyphenated. Otherwise, great article.

February 11 2009 at 12:36 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

During one of the episodes of the last series of TopGear, where Hamster (Richard Hammond) and Jezza (Clarkson) were presenting the "Cool Wall" section, there was an American girl in the audience and Jeremy asked her "... the hell kind of accent is that?" and she replied "American" meaning she was from this side of the pond. Then Jeremy went on and said to her "Welcome to the free world!"

I guess he can eat his words now, not that he would ever do that. That's why he is so perfect to host TopGear. Without him that show would not be as successful.

February 10 2009 at 5:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Simple reason: he's employed by the BBC and that's a government body.

You don't diss your boss. That's it.

February 10 2009 at 4:59 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
2 replies to StillBash's comment

The BBC is NOT a government body and is instead a public one.

It's obviously very important for editorial impartiality that it isn't government owned or controlled.

While the government may have influence, it is no greater than they have on the other british networks, ITV, Channel 4 and five.

February 10 2009 at 5:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Oh wow didn't know that. Thanks :-)

February 10 2009 at 6:41 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

It's all a reaction to a load of nothing really.

Think of it as a British press gang bang in the vein of the old "wardrobe Malfunction" thing in the US the other year.

Basically, a talk show host over here called Jonathan Ross & the comedian Russell Brand (who I believe is trying to break into the US) made some pretty crappy statements on radio about some British institution's (Manuel from Faulty Towers) granddaughter (look it up, it was pretty much all the news for a few weeks in November.

Since that, every time any celebrity says or does anything that may offend someone it gets dragged out & splashed all over the papers (by papers, read: Daily Mail, Express, News of the World & other rags)

It's kinda boring really, and a bit more annoying.

Jezza just says what he thinks, and that's why people keep watching him, and it's a bit worrying that there's a slight hint that we're heading to a censorship & anti-humour precedent

February 10 2009 at 1:44 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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