NEWS: Jeremy Clarkson Terminally Ill

It's all very hush-hush at the moment, but apparently Jeremy Clarkson has a terminal illness. It's as yet unknown whether it's related to his years of smoking cigarettes or something else. Apparently, surgical efforts were not effective, and the very large growth lodged in his rectum (a bug) is eating away at him. Despite that, he's his usual upbeat self, though it is clear in watching him walk (seen in the latest Top Gear episodes) that he's favoring his anus (which most, if not all, Englishmen do).

To make matters worse, he's had at least one medical complication resulting from chemotherapy. Specifically, instead of shrinking the large insect, the chemotherapy has shrunk his already diminutive penis. The silver lining to this side-effect is that his prior existing bitterness over the lack of girth and length has increased manifold and has led to a correspondingly increased sense of humor!

Many of his peers, such as Piers Morgan, are devastated. Now, the only pansy Mr. Morgan will be able to smash is the one in his garden. Not to worry, Jism's wife has already had one of her enormous front teeth pulled for the production of a headstone once he passes on. As a side note, the tooth is so typically English and large, excess portions of it are being donated to piano makers throughout London.

You can send e-mails of well wishes to Jism.Clarkson@whingingpom.com.

I have no idea what you are saying in this article. You ask why anyone should be offended, then you give us some reasons why, then you are puzzled that people are offended (maybe it's because of those reasons you mentioned?), then you say he shouldn't have carte-blanche to say offending things, but the day he can't say what he wants, that's when aliens have enslaved us?

See, I'm not sure carte-blanche should be hyphenated. Otherwise, great article.

During one of the episodes of the last series of TopGear, where Hamster (Richard Hammond) and Jezza (Clarkson) were presenting the "Cool Wall" section, there was an American girl in the audience and Jeremy asked her "... the hell kind of accent is that?" and she replied "American" meaning she was from this side of the pond. Then Jeremy went on and said to her "Welcome to the free world!"

I guess he can eat his words now, not that he would ever do that. That's why he is so perfect to host TopGear. Without him that show would not be as successful.

Simple reason: he's employed by the BBC and that's a government body.

You don't diss your boss. That's it.

It's all a reaction to a load of nothing really.

Think of it as a British press gang bang in the vein of the old "wardrobe Malfunction" thing in the US the other year.

Basically, a talk show host over here called Jonathan Ross & the comedian Russell Brand (who I believe is trying to break into the US) made some pretty crappy statements on radio about some British institution's (Manuel from Faulty Towers) granddaughter (look it up, it was pretty much all the news for a few weeks in November.

Since that, every time any celebrity says or does anything that may offend someone it gets dragged out & splashed all over the papers (by papers, read: Daily Mail, Express, News of the World & other rags)

It's kinda boring really, and a bit more annoying.

Jezza just says what he thinks, and that's why people keep watching him, and it's a bit worrying that there's a slight hint that we're heading to a censorship & anti-humour precedent