American Idol: First 12 of 36 Compete

Finally! It's time for the live show. It's Kara's very first one. How will she stack up? Will she be nicer than Simon? More coherent than Paula? Dawgier than Randy? And what of the contestants? I've got five bucks that says there's going to be at least one train wreck tonight; who's it gonna be? Let's settle in because we've got two hours of American Idol.

Of course we start off with weirdness, as Simon finishes his "sing well" spiel, pauses, waggles his eyebrows at Ryan suggestively, and tells him he likes his new hair. Seacrest tries to play it off, but even through his layers of pancake makeup, you can tell he's blushing. Dave and Maddie, Ross and Rachel, Jim and Pam, and Ryan and Simon. This is the tension that makes television worth watching.

After the giggles subside, Seacrest tells us that we're making our top 12 sausage a little differently this year: The top 36 contestants have been placed in three mixed groups of 12, and for each performance night, the girl with the most votes, the guy with the most votes, and the third person (male or female) with the most votes will get through to the next round. That gets us to nine, with the final three being chosen in the wild card round.

It's kind of weird to realize that nine of the people on the stage are going to be eliminated tonight. This is looking like a tough competition already. The theme tonight is basically as broad as you can get, without it being just "music" -- Billboard Top 100 Hits.

First up is Jackie Tohn, who up to this point, I have not been a fan of. She comes out dressed like Olivia Newton-John in the last scene of Grease and twitches her way through "A Little Less Conversation" in a terrifying manner (Anyone who has been watching Shenae Grimes on the new 90210 is already familiar with this style of "performance"). Randy calls her a "good entertainer," Kara tells her that she "can work a stage," Paula tells her that she's always loved her, and Simon tells her that she "played the clown." My boyfriend can't agree more, and says that on the plus side, she can have a successful career as a Rachael Ray voice double.

Ricky Braddy sings "A Song For You," which I do not know. He sings it well, but frankly, I've already forgotten about him and his performance. Randy calls it "the jumping off point" for season 8, Kara practically swallows the mic when she tells him that he "has an incredible gift," Paula looks to be on the verge of tears as she tells him that he "deserves to go very far in this competition," Simon tells him that he has a great voice, but doesn't have any "star quality." Once again, I agree with Simon.

Alexis Grace sings "Never Loved a Man," and I'm already sad. During auditions, the judges told her to "dirty up her look," so she's on the AI stage in a slip, hooker heels, and pink streaks in her hair. It's embarrassing and distracts from her vocals, which are pretty impressive. Randy tells her that he's lovin' her right now, Kara says that "the genie is out of the bottle with you," Paula still seems like she's going to cry as she tells her that she's beautiful and wonderful, while Simon tells her that she's the best contestant so far and that she reminds him of Kelly Clarkson.

Brent Keith is up next, and there's a tape problem, so his package doesn't play. Ryan attempts to just play it off and recreate the moment, but a producer tells him that they have the right tape, so they roll it. He's singing "Hicktown," which I have never heard before. Randy tells him that he can see him at a "chili cookoff," and I agree. This guy has State Fair written all over him. Kara says that he has more in him than what he showed, Paula can see him as a country artist, Simon calls him "forgettable" and says that he may have just blown a massive opportunity.

Next up is Stevie Wright singing "You Belong to Me," by Taylor Swift. She starts off way too low, and while it gets better, she gives off the impression that she's singing into a hairbrush in front of her bedroom mirror. Randy says that it was too safe and that it didn't work for him, Kara thinks that she's having an identity crisis, Paula tells her that it wasn't the right song, while Simon says that it was terrible and that there's zero chance of her making it through to the next round.

I'm not gonna lie: I'm really excited for Anoop Desai. He's singing "Angel of Mine" by Monica, though, and I want to scream at him. He managed to pull off "My Prerogative" during Hollywood Week! And it was awesome! So why, may I ask, did he decide to choose a song that makes him sound like a low-rent wedding singer? He's still really good, but this is so boring I want to cry. Randy tells him that he was "a little sharp," Kara isn't sure that he had the riffs down, but she's hoping he gets through. Paula tells him that he has a Brian McKnight feel to his voice, while Simon says it was a little too grown up for him.

Casey Carlson sings "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic," and annoys me by turning it into "Every Little Thing He Does Is Magic." I mean really. Are they afraid that if she kept the song as it was that people would think she's a lesbian? Actually, never mind. I know the internet, and they're probably right. There would probably be at least a couple of people on the message boards saying, "LOL casey likes to has sexins w/ GURLS!!!!111!" Anyway, Randy calls it "weirdly karaoke," while Kara says that "everything about it was wrong." Paula says that "it just didn't work," and Simon says that "the singing was just atrocious."

"Roughneck" Michael Sarver sings "I Don't Want to Be," By Gavin DeGraw. It's a good song choice for him, and while he starts off shaky, he quickly gets into the groove. Randy tells him that he started off rough, but wants him to have more soul, Kara says that he has more in him, Paula thinks he "did a real good job," Simon says that it wasn't the best vocal he's heard, but he hopes America gives him another shot.

Ann Marie Boskovich sings "Natural Woman," and while it's not the most original song choice in the world, she does a great job with it. I've liked her since the beginning, and I hope she stays in the competition. Randy tells him that it wasn't a good song choice for her, which I disagree with. Kara wants her to sing a "younger" song, but Paula says that she thinks Ann Marie actually did better. Simon basically tells her she sounds like a hotel singer.

Stephen Fowler is the one who completely forgot the words to his song during Hollywood week and has vowed not to make the same mistake twice. He's singing "Rock With You," and talk about karaoke. I could almost see the drink in his hand and his friends cheering him on from their booth. Randy tells him that it wasn't good, and Kara says that she got more from him when he was at the piano and forgot the lyrics, Paula says he should have sung the song he forgot in Hollywood. Simon calls it a "pointless performance."

Tatiana Del Toro still seems as crazy as ever and is singing "Saving All My Love For You." I've never thought she was very good, but I have to say, compared to some of the other performances we've heard tonight, she's not half bad. With that said, as she goes on, she kind of loses control and starts to go off the rails just a little bit. The judges seem shocked that she did pretty well. Randy tells her that he was pretty impressed at times, Kara isn't sure if she's a character or an artist, Paula says she had beautiful moments, and Simon calls her a "complete and utter drama queen," and says that she was better than he expected.

Last up is Danny Gokey, singing "Hero," by Mariah Carey. It's a brave choice and he does pretty well with it. It's not the greatest thing I've ever heard, but let's face it: the bar has been set pretty low tonight, and he's easily at the top of the heap. The judges completely lose it, all speaking at once. Randy says he redeemed the night, Kara calls him a hero, and Paula says she sees sold-out arenas in his future. Simon brings everyone back to reality and says that it was good, but not fantastic.

So there's your first group of 12. Overall, it was pretty hideous, but there were a few standouts. Three people are going through; who do you think they should be?