Weekly Reality Awards

by Michael Pascua, posted Mar 21st 2009 1:01PM
I couldn't help but think that after last week's reality shows heated up, the flame went out and the episodes were a little boring.

It was probably because The Amazing Race was a non-elimination, Survivor was a clip show, and the photoshoot on America's Next Top Model was horrible and uninspiring. I'm not even going to touch the fact that Belinda Carlile was showing too much underwear for her age. More of the interesting highlights, and lowlights, after the jump.

Best Object Attack Bidet (Tough Love) – First off, any girl who attempts to be "classy" should probably know what a bidet is. Of course Taylor had no clue and after turning on the bidet, the water spurted up. Taylor then proceeds to crouch in fear. I think Taylor is going to need more than just tough love to survive this show.

Best Parenting Award Celia (America's Next Top Model) - You know you're probably screwed when you're 25 and on America's Next Top Model, but I guess we found out that she probably won't make a good mother. Before her photoshoot as a nanny, she told America, "I'm a little apprehensive. I don't know how to hold babies.Do I hold them by the foot? I have no idea." Her shoot didn't turn out as well as planned, and we will find her cropped out of the shot next week.

It's Never Better the Second Time AwardBrittanya (Rock of Love Bus) – Fighting and VH1 love shows go hand in hand, but it seems like spitting is now the standard. First on Flavor of Love, then on I love New York, now Rock of Love: Bus? Brittanya was on the hot seat at the "Rock of Love Court" and finally snapped. She made a few lunges at Heather but because of a table, Brittanya decided to spit at Amber. Why does every VH1 contestant have projectile spit? Is that on the application? Brett had a really sedated reaction, too, gently getting his friend to waltz his way in to stop the fight. Brett continued to watch.

The Real World Bites Award The Biggest Loser – When the contestants got the opportunity to go home, temptation hit them like a brick wall. Words like "Free Pizza" became evil, polish sausage is a no, and protein shakes are poured into martini glasses. Wait, what? Who mixes a protein shake with a martini shaker and pours it into a martini glass? This isn't Sandra Lee; it's not two parts protein to one part vodka.

You're Probably Going Home When... - Alexis (American Idol) – During the eliminations, Ryan asked Randy who was going to be in the bottom three between Adam and Alexis. Randy stopped, thought, and said "Allison." I always thought Paula was the messed up one. To make things worse, Alexis actually went home.

Best BarterCake (Ace of Cakes) – After Duff became a fan of these blue vinyl chairs in the shop, somehow his company managed to convince the chair company to give them several chairs in exchange for making a cake for them. How much do these cakes cost? At least the cake ended up three times larger than expected.

It's Always the Little ThingsSandwich (The Real World) – There's something serene about just sitting on a countertop and eating a sandwich. The whole Real World episode basically showed Ryan's highs (also his dancing around as Uncle Sam) until he got called back to active duty.

Weirdest Cross ReferenceKeisha & Jen (The Amazing Race) – After Jen turned the corner to finish her underwear roadblock, Keisha screamed in support, "There's America's Next Top Model!" At least she has strong bone structure.

Phil Keoghan is amazing Best Host Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race) – Speaking of underwear roadblock, what's not to love when the host shows everyone what exactly they would be wearing. Me-ow.

News & Notes

Steve-O may have hematoma – Actually, I'm surprised that he didn't have hematoma when he did all those stupid stunts on Jackass.

NBC Ditches most of their reality shows – NBC has canceled Last Comic Standing, Nashville Star (Jewel just lost another job), American Gladiators, America's Toughest Jobs, Momma's Boys, The Baby Borrowers, and Celebrity Circus, I'm definitely going to miss American Gladiators, especially when they brought back Atlasphere in the second season. I'm still crossing my fingers for the return of Treasure Hunters.

Project Runway's Kenley gets into a cat fight – Literally. She apparently threw a cat at her fiancé. Me-ouch. That's oddly appropriate seeing how Kenley acted on the show.

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Marcus Gorman

Don't forget, there was projectile spitting on Rock Of Love Charm School as well.

March 24 2009 at 9:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I miss the Trashy Reality show column they used to do here every Wednesday.... But I'll take this

March 23 2009 at 10:19 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

OMFFFG i cant believe they cancelled last comic standing. and the baby borrowers was a good show also, but they should of just had them spend more time with babies- toddlers and less time with the older ones but oh well its gone now.

March 22 2009 at 7:32 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

According to the FAQ on the Charm City Cakes website, due to the complexity of their design, the care they put into them, and their one-of-a-kind nature, the -minimum- cost for a cake is $1000 US.

So yeah, I can totally see cake for chairs as an equitable exchange.

March 21 2009 at 2:20 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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